Page 69 of For Butter or Worse
“But you might have to tell us if we’re being too...”
“Annoying?” Jasmine said, finishing the thought for her dad.
A shrill cry broke through Nina’s concentration. The peacocks had seemed so far away before, but now they sounded like they were standing next to her. She turned and froze. There was a massive peacock directly in front of them. Its green, turquoise, indigo and burnt orange plumes fanned and high—taller than Nina and her sister.
“Sophie,” Nina said quietly.
Sophie turned, saw the bird and scrambled to press herself flush against Nina.
“Oh, holy night terrors.” Sophie clutched Nina’s arm, her fingernails digging in with the force of a lobster cracker.
The peacock’s plumes seemed to gain a few inches at the mere sight of Sophie. And, bizarrely, he also seemed to be staring right at her sister. Nina looked from the peacock to Sophie, then back again.
Nina tried to position herself in front of Sophie. The peacock, though, took the move as a sign of aggression. He only had eyes for Sophie. And when Nina stood in front of her, he howled.
“What does it want from me?” Sophie whispered.
“To mate?” Nina said instinctively. In her experience, male aggression typically had something to do with a bruised ego.
“What?” Sophie’s voice was now panicked.
“You’re his peahen.” Nina was about to explode with laughter, but she didn’t want to piss off her sister—or her peacock suitor—more than she already had.
The peacock raised one spindly leg and raked its footed claws through the dirt, like he was a bull getting ready to charge. It occurred to Nina that to get stampeded by a peacock would be an absurd way to die. The potential headlines alone were fuel to try and stay alive.
Nasty Nina Goes Plume-to-Plume with a Peacock and Loses!
Feathered Hero Takes Nasty Nina Down, Finally!
Nina Lyon Killed By a Horny Peacock—We Can’t Make This Shit Up
So Nina turned to her sister and said, urgently, “Go find Jasmine!” then turned back to the peacock, who was still sizing her up. Sophie moved from behind her and dashed toward where Jasmine, Cory and Dori were standing. The peacock’s feathers vibrated with wild and angry energy.
“Go ahead!” Nina shouted at the bird. She raised her arms above her head to get as tall as possible, though she was somehow still smaller than the bird. She took a big gulp, then added, “You’re not the biggest asshole I’ve ever dealt with!”
That honor used to be reserved for Leo. But now? Maybe it would be this randy peacock.
“I told you to stay five to ten feet away!” The teenager from the ticket booth appeared on the path that led to the tree she was standing under. He looked at the peacock. “Reginald, heel!”
The bird paused its rhythmic, intimidating dance, and turned to face the kid.
“Reginald...” the teenager warned again.
Ever so slowly, the peacock’s plumes began to lower, lower, lower, until they were flat on the ground.
“Good boy,” the teen said. He threw a handful of raspberries on the ground, and Reginald happily pecked at the fruit. It was then that she understood that the real power the boy had was in his snacks, which she could respect on a deep and personal level. The key to her heart was food, after all.
Nina stared openmouthed at the bird. And Reginald looked up calmly, like he hadn’t just tried to murder her moments earlier.
“Nina!” Cory and Dori said. “Are you all right?”
Nina turned and saw the group approaching. Cory and Dori held hands. Jasmine and Sophie clung to each other. And Nina was slightly shaking from the rush of adrenaline that came after having an actual altercation with a peacock named Reginald.
Jasmine gave Nina a thumbs-up. Nina tilted her head back, trying to convey that she wanted to know how Jasmine felt about the conversation with her parents. Jasmine shrugged, but there was a glimmer of a smile that told Nina they’d smoothed things over.
“Do they sell alcohol here?” Nina asked. If ever there was a time for a drink, it was now.
“Yes,” Cory said.
