Page 88 of For Butter or Worse
Our fans know you for your tough exterior, but the truth is that they don’t know you at all. I’ve been lucky enough to be next to you for the last few years on the show, and the last few weeks as...something more. You’ve brought out a different side of me. I’m my best self when you’re around, and all I want is for you to find the happiness, respect and love you’re owed. I can honestly say that I don’t deserve you. The fans of the show would be lucky to see more of you. But most of all, I want you to be truly happy. Here’s hoping you know that...
I will always think of you.
I never disliked you.
And I never deserved a minute of your time.
33
NINA
Nina was back home and...cleaning. As soon as she’d walked through the door, she started to notice all the clutter lying around her house. Evidence of how checked out she’d been from her own life.
That, and she needed to avoid her phone. So she cleaned the living room, her bedroom and the office space she used to store more piles of shit she didn’t need. Ten trash bags overflowed in her garage by the time she was done.
The trip to Ojai with Sophie had been long overdue; she just wished it hadn’t been overshadowed by the fallout with Leo. Or that she hadn’t had to spend the car ride home analyzing every line he’d written her.
After all the cleaning, her back ached intensely and she’d drawn a scalding hot bath, added in many handfuls of Epsom salt, lit a citrus-scented candle, dimmed the lights, poured a glass of wine that anyone would call generous and sunk herself deep into the water. Her hair was pulled up and out of her face. But that didn’t stop the steam and heat from making her sweat.
What the hell was going on with her life? When she’d been good with Leo, she’d felt as light and airy as meringue, but now that they were in The Bad Place and she was simmering in the bath, she felt more like sweaty cheese. Things didn’t look or feel good for her, despite the comfort of the water.
And she didn’t really like the silence, either. She had friends for a reason. So she called Jasmine and turned on the speakerphone.
“She lives!” Jasmine called out.
“Where are you?” The clatter of metal pots banging combined with the faint sound of ’70s rock in the background.
“Practice run for the gala. I know we’re three months out, but I like to be prepared. And I finally feel like I’m finding a rhythm here.”
“That’s amazing. At least someone is doing well,” Nina said.
“Which means you’re not, huh? What’s up?” Jasmine asked.
“I don’t want to be one of those women who can’t talk about anything except their crumbling love life.” Nina leaned her head back against the cool porcelain of the tub.
“We all need some guilty pleasure. Your reality show dating is mine. Go on, spill.”
Nina’s lashes lowered as she stared into the water and said, “I don’t know what to do about Leo’s post on Instagram.”
“Oh,that,” Jasmine said. “You don’t have to do anything.”
“But it feels like he wants me to respond,” Nina hedged.
“As you know, I am not a member of the Leo fan club. He hurt you, and therefore I won’t ever forgive him unless you do first.”
“For being rude and sexist to me?”
“You know it.”
Nina shook her head. She wasn’t going to hold it against him, and she’d forgotten it. But she wasn’t about to forgive what he’d done—that wasn’t her job. “I’m not going to forgive him for that. He has to live with that.”
“What’s thebutyou aren’t telling me here?” Jasmine asked. “I feel like you’ve got something on your mind, since you clearlywant to respond to him.”
“We slept together. It meant something to me.Hemeans something to me.” Nina said the last part quietly.
Jasmine hesitated before replying. “Okay.”
“Okay?” Was that really all that her best friend was going to say?
