Page 131 of Honeymoon Phase
I have Luke.
My best friend.
The man I love with every fiber of my being.
Except I don’t have him.
I pushed him away.
Because I’m afraid.
Just like my dad.
“Luke loves me,” I say the words out loud, knowing they’re true. “He’ll do anything to help me. Even marry me for a year so I can inherit a business.”
He huffs out a laugh and shakes his head. “I knew it was all bullshit.”
I sniff loudly. “Except at some point, it stopped being bullshit. At some point... it became real.” My eyes well with tears. “I love him, Daddy.”
Pain crawls up my throat at that realization. Something that felt impossible to say yesterday. But I look at my dad, a hard, broken man, and I don’t want to be like him. I want to be like Luke. Loving and willing to do crazy shit for the people he loves.
“He’s one of the good ones,” I offer tearfully, my hands trembling as I grip my dad’s hands on his lap.
“You might be right.” He wrinkles his nose and shakes his head. “I don’t like to admit that, but I think it’s true.”
I garble out a laugh. “I’m afraid it’s one of those things that’s just true. Even when he screws up, he still somehow manages to do it with good intentions.”
I stare down at the ground, hating that I’ve fumbled all of this so badly. We were good, happy, in love. We were perfect and I let my own insecurities and fears push him away.
Sort of like how my dad is trying to push me away from the yard.
Like father, like daughter.
“Dad, I will admit you made some mistakes when I was growing up. But can I tell you one thing? I never doubted that you loved me.”
His shoulders shake as he absorbs that statement. “Really?” he asks with a loud sniff.
“Yeah, it’s why I was taking this yard issue so hard. I can see now that you were coming from a good place, but you went about it the wrong way.”
“I’ve been wrong once before.” His face splits open into a big, teasing smile.
I laugh with him and then sigh. “I’ve been wrong once before too.” I wipe at the tears falling down my face and swallow deeply.
I’ve been wrong to use the lumberyard as my hiding place from the world. I made it my whole identity because the words my mother said to me as a child have stuck with me for far too long...
Sometimes the ones we love the most disappoint us the most.
It’s wrong of me to put those toxic words on Luke, who has done nothing to deserve them. If lying about loving me is the worst that man could do, I should be so lucky.
I want to be better than my parents. I don’t want to live in fear of disappointment. And maybe it’s naive of me, but I don’t see how Luke could ever disappoint me enough to change how I feel about him.
I love him too much.
“You do what you have to do with the lumberyard,” I state firmly to my dad, wiping at my tears and knowing I’m going to have to touch up my makeup. “I’ll be fine either way.”
“You sure about that?” my dad asks, and I glance outside to see the bridal party is starting to line up.
I nod firmly because at the end of the day, I can manage anything as long as I have my best friend beside me.
