Page 100 of Replay
My jaw clenches with frustration. “Of course I was bothered.”
“Well, you don’t look it,” she scoffs, pointing at my suit. “You look perfect as usual. Perfect suit, perfect job, perfect family…even your stupid basil plant is probably still perfect.”
“You’re one to talk,” I retort, jerking my head back. “You’re obviously dressed to impress someone today, and I can’t imagine it’s Freya and Mac’s baby. Is Belle’s brother meeting you later?”
“Oh my God, jealous much?”
“Yes,” I growl back, not even trying to conceal my anger. “I’ve never seen you wear heels before.”
“Who cares what’s on my feet?”
“I care,” I exclaim, my body tensing with the ache to touch her now that she’s right in front of me. “I care about everything pertaining to you, Tilly. And you have to know how sorry I am for last weekend. Thinking of you alone on that train fucking killed me. But I was a mess. I was terrified of losing you all while pushing you away. I have no excuse other than I’m a fucking arsehole.”
“Facts,” she snaps, her voice waffling as her eyes fill with tears. “You’ve been an arsehole, and I’ve been stupid. These past few weeks I’ve shared all my scary, insecure bits and labeled myself the messed-up one while you got to sit there and be perfect with your secrets.”
“I’m not perfect,” I reply, my voice a whisper as the pain of my truth rises to the surface. I step closer to her and inhale deeply, willing myself to be brave like Nonno said. I’m a thirty-seven-year-old man who still needs my nonno’s voice in my head for confidence. “My whole adult life I’ve been trying to portray myself in a certain way…a man who succeeds, who sets goals, who can take care of anything and anyone. I did this to prove to myself that I don’t feel any shame. And I didn’t feel it. Ever. Not even with any of the women I dated these past few years.
“But Tilly, the closer you and I became and the more I fell in love with you…the more I began to feel terrified that you knowing this truth about me could change how you looked at me. And I’m sorry, but I got caught up in this idea of perfection between us. A happy, carefree life. I loved that you thought I was perfect. It fed my soul. It made me feel alive and pure and worthy of a beautiful life with you.”
“You are worthy, you arsehole!” she cries, her eyes red-rimmed. “How could you think you’re not?”
“Because I’m not perfect and watching you leave me made me realise that all over again.” My nostrils flare as I prepare to add the next bit. “I’m utterly terrified of telling you this truth because if you run from me again, I don’t think I’ll survive it.”
“Santino, I don’t want to run!” Tilly croaks, her voice garbled in her throat. “I’ve been miserable this week without you too. I’ve thrown myself into planning this baby shower because to sit down and think about what my life will look like without you is a pain that will break me…again.”
She steps closer and cups my face in her hands. Her touch that I’ve been yearning for sends shockwaves through my entire body.
Her watery-blue eyes are laser-focused on mine when she says, “I know running has been a pattern of mine because accepting help makes me feel weak and incapable, but I’ve never felt stronger and more inspired than when I’m with you.”
I inhale a cleansing breath, my trembling hands lifting to mirror her embrace as I begin to say what I came here to say, “Tilly, I want to tell you everything—”
“Just wait,” she cuts me off, her eyes blinking rapidly. “Don’t tell me now. Don’t tell me under pressure or because you think I’m going to leave if you don’t. I want you as you are today. And if whatever you’re living with is something you want to keep in the dark, I will support you.”
“Are you sure?” I ask, my brow furrowing as I search her face for any doubt.
“Yes, Sonny. I love you.” She presses her lips to mine in a chaste kiss, then pulls back with a sniffle. “Unconditionally, I love you.”
For a few glorious seconds, I let those words sink in and marinate in my soul. I let them spread their wings and get comfortable because they might just be the best words anyone has ever said to me.
Inhaling deeply, I slide my fingers into her hair and pull her lips to mine. She lets out a soft whimper before wrapping her arms tightly around my neck and yanking me close. We lose our footing, stumbling backwards as I catch our fall against the playhouse with one hand braced for support.
With her back pressed firmly against the wood, our lips part, breaths frenzied as our eyes rove over each other’s faces before crashing into one another again. I grab tightly on her side, my hand skating down to grab her bottom as I cloak her body with mine, relishing in the feel of her touch once again.
I nip at her lower lip, forcing her mouth to open as I plunge my tongue against hers. She moans again, lifting her leg to my hip and causing my cock to thicken in my trousers. Her hands skate wildly through my hair, like she’s going to rip it all out as we attack each other like two starving animals in the wilderness.
“Fuck me!” a voice booms from behind us, and we rip apart, turning to see Mac standing there looking…well…not well. “What the fuck are you two doing snogging out here by a wee playhouse? You could get arrested for this in public parks, you know!”
We fight to recover our breaths as we straighten ourselves out. Tilly’s voice is hoarse when she replies, “Did you need something, Mac?”
Mac continues to cringe at the sight of us. “Yes, but currently, I’m having a huge internal battle not to come tearing over there and kick the teeth out of Santino’s face right now for snogging my wee sister at my wife’s baby shower.”
“Mac,” Tilly warns.
“Aye, I know, I know. We’re ‘Team Santino’.” He growls an unimpressed noise, clearly forgetting all about our bromance status from before. He expels a loud huff. “I came to get you because the caterers are here to pick up their stuff, and no one knows where the punch bowls went. The wee hellion twins had something to do with it, if you ask me.”
Tilly runs a hand through her tousled hair, picking out a sliver of wood that was lodged in there before begrudgingly detaching herself from my embrace. “I’m coming.”
She moves to walk away from me, but I quickly fall into step beside her, combing my fingers through hers. I lost her once. I will not lose her again. She bites her lip and shoots me a smirk that says everything I need to hear. Meanwhile, Mac makes a puking noise. “You two need to get control of yourselves, or I really am going to be sick.”
