Page 19 of Replay
“You know as well as I do that a footballer’s schedule is mental.” She exhales heavily and tosses the blanket off herself. “I hate leaving London, but I have to. This lifestyle isn’t healthy. I’m a fucking mess.”
Guilt niggles in my belly. The lifestyle she’s talking about is the partying, the drinking. The occasional drug use. I’ve noticed Tilly’s been a bit wild since the moment we met, and I have to admit, I wanted to cut her off at times. Stop her from drinking. But she’s not my girlfriend, and well, we didn’t talk about that kind of stuff. I’d never shag her if she was completely pissed and took great pains to ensure her sobriety when we were intimate. This fucking sicko that fucked her when she wasn’t even coherent and now wants nothing to do with her deserves to be castrated.
A dark memory threatens to impede my thoughts, but I push it away before it can grow wings. My voice is deep and ominous when I say, “What if the baby is mine?”
“What?” she replies with a laugh, standing up to begin pacing the small flat. “Don’t be stupid.”
“It could be mine,” I respond stubbornly, standing up to tower over her.
“You and I never go without a condom.”
I shrug like she said nothing I cared about. “Condoms aren’t one hundred percent.”
“The timing aligns with this bloke.”
“You slept with me three weeks ago.”
“My period is only a week late, Santino. The timing isn’t there. It’s not yours. Calm the fuck down. You’re in the clear.”
I take a deep, cleansing breath, feeling a heavy sense of responsibility come over me. My mother was a teen mum, and I don’t even know who my father is, so I guess it’s safe to say that men who abandon their children don’t sit well with me.
“What if I didn’t want to be in the clear?” I ask, digging my heels in.
“What?”
“What if I claim this baby no matter what?”
“Santino! You’ve lost your fucking mind! You’re a fucking manwhore if I ever saw one.”
“So, what. I can change,” I snap, annoyed at her dismissal of me. “I can be there for you and this baby. We can be together.”
“Until you see the wee one and decide it’s more work than it’s worth and fuck off like all the other arseholes I’ve screwed. No, thank you.”
“Tilly, I’m being serious.”
“I don’t even know what I’m doing with this situation yet!” she screams, turning on her heel to eye me harshly. “I’m a modern woman, Santino. I have choices! I don’t just need you to marry me to make this a legitimate bairn. Maybe I won’t even keep it!”
I swallow the knot in my throat and nod slowly. “Okay then. I’ll support whatever you decide.”
She shakes her head in disgust. “This has nothing to do with you. And don’t look at me like that. Like you’re some pompous do-gooder who’s doing a charitable act. God, this is why you were only good for sex. You’re a fucking pretentious arsehole who doesn’t know the first thing about real problems.”
“You don’t know me, Tilly. You don’t know my past or where I’ve come from.” I stop that train of thought. “Just…let me be there for you through this.”
“No,” she snaps, walking over to the door and opening it for me to leave. “I don’t trust this. I don’t trust your intentions. I don’t understand why you give a flying fuck about this baby. I just want you to leave.”
“Don’t be so fucking stubborn,” I roar, walking over to stand in front of her again. “Why can’t you believe that I might be coming from a genuine place here?”
“Because it doesn’t matter! I don’t need you. I got myself into this mess, so I can get myself sorted.”
“But I can help…seriously, Tilly.”
She shakes her head adamantly and eyes me with disdain. “I don’t need a saviour. You’re not some knight in shining armour. You’re just a whore meister with a guilty conscience.”
And with those parting words, Tilly Logan slams the door in my face and leaves London…and me…for good.
“I’m having a coffee with Santino in two days,” I say, dropping down onto the table in front of where Freya is currently resting on the sofa with her feet propped.
Her eyes go wide. “The man whose name we shall not speaketh?” Quickly closing her laptop, she sets it off to the side to give me her full attention.
