Page 84 of Surrender
“His house.”
Oh my God, he’s been to Callum’s house!I think I might be sick.I peek through the slits between my fingers. “How did you find him?”
Gareth’s face relaxes slightly. “We had his information at The Cliff as a potential sponsor. He wasn’t hard to find.” He steps closer to me, looming his angry presence over me. “He’s a real fucking dick, you know that?”
My hands fall as I stare up at him. “What did you tell him about us?”
Gareth’s eyes flash with anger. “I deserve a bit more credit than that, Sloan.”
A knot forms in my throat. “I didn’t mean—”
“I told him I had to pick up an order and only had your old address. It took everything in me not to punch the smug fucking look off his face when he told me how embarrassed he was by your behaviour today.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, trying to shake off the effect Gareth’s close proximity has on me.
“How the fuck could you ever marry a pompous prick like him?”
Is Garethjealous? I want to laugh at the notion. Or cry. Probably both. “Isn’t it obvious?”
“Not to me,” he grinds through clenched teeth.
“I got pregnant, of course!” I swirl away from him, taking a couple of necessary steps back so I can breathe again.
“Were you ever going to tell me?” His voice is clipped with an emotion I can’t quite place.
“Yes…No…I don’t know,” I reply, feeling like a total puke. I cross my arms to brace myself for his reaction.
“Why, Sloan?” His eyes are sad on mine. He’s hurt. He’s hurt that I hid such a large part of my life from him.
“It wasn’t what we were about,” I reply with a shrug. “You said it yourself not that long ago. We were just about sex.”
He rears back like I slapped him, his hands balling up into tight fists at his sides. “Got it. Message received. I didn’t realise I had been demoted from friends with benefits to a casual fuck.”
“Gareth!”
“Fuck this,” he growls and turns to walk away.
I rush over to him and grab his tensed arm, using all my strength to haul him back toward me. “Just…listen to me!”
“You listen to me!” he exclaims, twirling on his heel and grabbing me by the arms. In one swift move, he has me pressed against the cool bricks of my house, his hands on either side of my face. “In the beginning, we were just fucking, but you know damn well that changed.”
“It did?” I croak, my stomach doing flips inside itself as his familiar scent wafts over me.
“Yes!” he growls, veins protruding on his neck as he crouches to eye level with me. “We’ve changed. We’re not just one thing anymore. We’remore, Sloan.”
“Treacle,” I correct, my voice wavering.
“Sloan,” he retorts. “In my mind, you are my Sloan and my Treacle. You’re not just one thing to me. And the fact that you didn’t tell me you’re a mother fucking kills me. What are you afraid of?”
“That you’ll see me differently!” I cry, my eyes watery with annoying tears. “That what we have will stop. You have been my saving grace since I got divorced, Gareth. This half custody thing with my ex was tearing me apart from the inside out. But when I’m with you, I’m in control, and I feel strong, and I remember who I am. Who I want to be! I don’t want to lose that. Why do we have to change?”
“Because I can’t continue as we were,” he answers, glancing down at my trembling hands that ache to touch him. His voice is softer when he adds, “And it’s not because you have a kid. I don’t care that you’re a mother, Sloan. It doesn’t change things for me. Your ex was embarrassed by you on the pitch today, but I was fucking proud. Even when I was stark-raving-mad at you for hiding something so monumental from me, I couldn’t help but think, ‘Bloody hell, she’s the most fearsome mother I’ve ever laid eyes on!’”
A sob erupts from my throat, and I cover my mouth to try to get hold of my senses. I don’t know why his words affect me so much, but they do. I finally don’t feel alone and terrified that I’m doing this motherhood thing all wrong. Someone supports me. Someone believes in me. Someone whose opinion I value more than I realised.
But Gareth says the words I’m most afraid of next. “I want more, Sloan.”
My knee-jerk response isn’t what he wants to hear. “I am at capacity, Gareth. I’m doing everything I can to be a strong, working mom. To be better than I’ve been. If I give anyone any more, I will lose myself completely, and Sophia needs me too much for that to happen. I can’t give her any less of me because, if I do, she could turn into Cal, or his mother, or any of those soul-sucking vultures they associate with. I only get her fifty percent of my life. I need to be in complete control to ensure she has all of me.”
