Page 36 of Surrender
Fuck me.
We’ve seen each other countless times. I know how beautiful she is. I know what her body feels like under my fingers. But this time, she was a different person. She was strong. Confident. Happy. She wasn’t letting someone else think for her as she stood before me looking like a damned queen ready to take what she wants from her country.
Now my dick really hurts. It feels like all the blood in my body is rushing to the appendage between my legs. All I want is to sink myself so deep inside of her, we lose ourselves for the next hour. But I can’t lose myself. If this arrangement gets too deep, too fast, I’m afraid of what it could mean. I feel too connected to her, too in sync. Even her bloody scent is haunting me in a way I can’t fathom.
I need some time to breathe. To step away and get ahold of myself.
She gets control of my body. She gets control of my mind. But my heart and soul are mine. I refuse to turn into my father and give myself to a woman entirely at the cost of everything that’s important to me. That is exactly why I have to send Sloan home before we have sex tonight. It will probably kill me. In fact, I’m sure of it. But I need to ensure that we are both in the right frame of mind before we continue so this remains casual.
I slowly make my way up the stairs, ice clinking in the glass with every step I take. It feels like I’m walking to my death. I have to do this carefully, or I could scare her away altogether. The last thing I want to do is freak her out and make her feel like what she did tonight was wrong.
Entering my room, I see Sloan is still in my closet, rummaging through my clothes. She pulls down a grey T-shirt and puts it on over her head, threading her narrow arms through the sleeves. The hem reaches mid-thigh. I didn’t think it was possible for her to look sexier in more clothes, but I guess I was wrong.
She pads out of the closet and finds me watching her from the doorway. Her smile is rueful as she fists her coat in front of her. “I didn’t really think about the fact that I should have brought other clothes with me.” She slides up onto my bed, tucking her feet under her as she pulls a pillow on her lap. “Putting on the trench coat seems weird now.”
“Walk around naked if you’d like,” I reply with a smirk, joining her on the bed. I hand her the water and prop myself on a pillow against the glass wall of the closet headboard.
“Maybe I should demand that of you.” She waggles her eyebrows at me, and my amused expression fades. She takes a drink and drags her tongue across her moist lips. “You seem…different. Is everything all right?”
“Yes,” I reply calmly, my muscles tensing from her perceptiveness. “Why do you ask?”
“Because your mood has changed from how it was in there.” She points to the closet. “I thought this was what you wanted.”
I close my eyes and feel like ten times the dick. “It is what I want.”
“Then what’s the problem?” she asks, running her finger down the condensation on the side of the glass. “Is it my body?”
I blanch, completely taken off guard. “Are you kidding?”
She grips the glass tightly in her hand and looks up at me. “I mean, I’m twenty-nine years old. I’m no spring chicken.”
She’s serious. She’s actually, preposterously serious. I need to knock this idea right on its arse before she spins out of control.
“Sloan, there’s not a thing wrong with a single inch of your body. You are so fucking sexy, I thought I was going to blow it in my jeans tonight when I opened the door and saw you in that trench coat.” I fork my hand through my hair and exhale slowly, anger coursing through my veins because she didn’t get insecure alone. Someone didn’t tell her how fucking perfectly beautiful she is every day, and that someone needs his arse kicked. “And if I wanted a girl, I’d go out and get one. But I don’t. I want a woman. I want you.”
The corners of her mouth lift into a meek smile. “Well, then what is it because something’s clearly wrong?”
I purse my lips, knowing I’m going to regret this but that it’s ultimately for the best. “There’s nothing wrong, but I think we should stop for tonight.”
“Stop what? Stop this?” She points between our two bodies. “I thought this was supposed to be about sex. We haven’t even had sex yet and you’re kicking me out?”
“I’m not kicking you out,” I reply, my jaw clenched. “Tonight wasn’t just about sex. It was about seeing if you could handle all of this.”
“I thought I did pretty well!”
“You did,” I reply, running a hand through my hair and squeezing the back of my neck. “I just think it’s important for us both to take a breather and make sure our heads are on straight.”
The skin wrinkles between her brows as she shifts closer to me. “My head feels perfectly straight. I thought you said you liked when I took control.”
“I did…I do.” I point down to my offensive package still semi-hard beneath my jeans. “But I think some space after our first experiment is what’s best for both of us.”
“Gareth.” She growls my name magnificently and stands up, setting the water down on the nightstand and looking down at me with fire in her eyes. “You’re the one who gave me all the control, so why are you trying to take it from me right now?”
“I’m not taking it from you. I’m ensuring that you’re serious about thisarrangement.” I emphasise the last word because I don’t want either of us to get this twisted up with feelings.
“My soaked panties indicate I’m pretty fucking serious.” She twirls on her heel and paces the room, making cute little fists with her hands. “This is bullshit.”
I shake my head and stand up, facing-off with her from the opposite side of the bed. She’s fucking striking. Her jaw tight with anger, her neck turning crimson with her emotions. It’s really hard to want her as bad as I do.
