Page 81 of A Christmas Temptation for the Duke
They thought he was going to announce a wedding engagement. Absurd to his mind, but understandable. After all, why would they not associate their eldest brother with such things? Considering how he had treated them.
Daniel sighed as he pushed back his chair and rose to his feet. What had not so long ago felt like a most important moment, now felt hollow. In fact, he was starting to wonder why he bothered at all.
“I do not know what Violet has been telling you,” he began, once he was sure that all eyes were on him. “But I assure you, I have not called you all here this evening to announce an engagement. That is as far from the truth as possible.”
“Told you,” Aurelia said to Violet.
“Oh no,” Iris pouted.
“Quiet,” Eveline hissed at her sisters. “Let him speak.”
Daniel grimaced, waiting for them all to find silence once more. What he realized, as he waited, was that he was not feeling nervous about the announcement. He had for a time worried what his sisters would say, if they would try to change his mind, or if they would even care.
Once again… it was that pit in his stomach, wide and gaping, and he just wished it would hurry up and swallow him whole already.
“The first thing I wish to do is apologize,” he started. As he spoke, he made sure to meet each of his sisters’ eyes. “I know it is too late. And I once heard that the best apology is one you do not need to make in the first place because you did nothing wrong. Sadly, that is not the case here, and I cannot help but accept that I owe you each an apology.”
He swept his eyes over his sisters and their husbands, expecting them to ask what for. No one did, and a few even looked away. This told him well enough that they knew what he was going to say.
“You have no idea how much it pleases me to see you each with your husbands, happy as I know you all are…” A smile touched his lips, but he smothered it. “But this does not excuse what I didto each of you. I treated you all, my sisters, as pawns in a game that I did not even want to win – that none of you wished to be involved in. I treated you like cattle, is what, and where I thought I was doing the right thing, I know now that I was blind to my own ambition and –”
“Daniel, do not be ridiculous,” Violet spoke over him. “You do not owe us any apology.”
“She is right,” Eveline agreed. As she did, she took her husband’s hand. “If anything, we should be thanking you. If not for you, I would have never married Victor.”
“Or I Anthony,” Caroline joined in.
“Be that as it may,” Daniel continued, refusing to give in to their attempted gratitude. This was not about the results of his actions, but that he had done them in the first place. “I wronged you all, and I wish for you to know that not a day goes past that I do not hate myself for it.”
For once, his sisters said nothing.
He bowed his head in shame, and he could feel them all watching him. This was never meant to be about forgiveness but about airing his grievances so that he might have a chance to move on.
“With that said, there is indeed an announcement that I wish to make.” He snapped his head up and looked over his sistersonce more. They watched him closely, each with a visage taken by concern and worry. “There is nothing here for me. Bad memories, wrongs committed, shame around every corner that I turn. I am sick of feeling so… so utterly helpless and alone. I am sick of my past actions haunting me like a specter.”
“Daniel, there is no –” Violet tried to cut over him.
“Which is why I have come to realize that the only way I might move on is if I remove myself from this…” He sighed. “From this world entirely. A fresh start, far from here, where I might finally be able to forget what I have done and find my own happy ending.”
“Daniel…” Violet looked from him to his sisters. “What are you saying?”
“I am saying that, tomorrow, I have booked myself a charter to the Americas from where I do not intend to return. Ever.”
His sisters exploded with objection.
“What?” Violet cried. “No!”
“You cannot leave!” Eveline said.
“This is why you asked us here?” Aurelia demanded to know. “To blindside us!”
They spoke at him. They talked over one another. They demanded that he tell them why he was doing this, if it was their fault, and how they might get him to change his mind.
And through it all, Daniel said little. He sat himself back down, letting them all shout and complain and plead. So outraged were they, that he might have believed that they cared. But he was not so hopeful as that.
Even if they do care, even if they want me to stay, it will make no difference. I did not come to this decision lightly and in time, I know, they will all see the logic of it. In fact, I suspect them each to one day admit it is for the best.
Daniel had always assumed that he might feel a stab of guilt for abandoning his sisters like this, but what he came to realize in that moment was the guilt which he felt had nothing to do with them. They were married, happy, with families, and they would go on without him. The guilt that swarmed him…
