Page 76 of A Christmas Temptation for the Duke
But the morning was spent staring at the pages sprawled before him, unable to concentrate on what needed to be done, just as he was unwilling to commit as he knew he must. Just two weeks ago, Daniel had been so certain that this was what he wanted – the only thing to do. And now? So much had changed…
“Told what?” Daniel tore his eyes from the pages, the pit in his stomach gaping and hungry as it had been since last evening. He squirmed to feel it there, the way it consumed him.
“A carriage was spied coming down the driveway just now,” Godfrey explained. “Two carriages, in fact.”
Daniel frowned, taking a moment longer than he should have done to understand. Then it dawned on him, and that pit in his stomach opened a little bit further.
“Lord Pemberton?” he said, voice cracking. “You are sure?”
“Who else could it be?”
“And Lady Alison?” he winced to speak her name, the guilt of what he had done battering at him like angry fists.
“Has been informed,” Godrey assured him. “She is just now packing the few things she brought with her. I would say that any moment she will be downstairs to greet her family.”
“Good…” Daniel looked beyond Godfrey, through the walls and down the hall as if he could see into Lady Alison’s room. He pictured her there, wanting to imagine a smile on her face because she was relieved that her family had come back. But he saw instead sorrow, the crushing reality felt by them both that their time together was over. “Good.”
Godfrey watched him for a moment. “My lord, will you be… I imagine you will wish to speak with Lord Pemberton?”
“What?” Daniel shook himself into the moment. “Oh, yes…” His mind started to drift once more, a coldness rushing up his spine. But he pushed that down and straightened. “Yes, I will be down in a moment.”
Daniel had no urge to speak with Lord Pemberton. Just as he had no urge to say goodbye to Lady Alison. Some of it was shameful, because he did not relish the treatment that she was sure to give him when they finally spoke.Much deserved, treatment, at that.But a large part of it was sorrow, because seeing her go was going to hurt more than Daniel liked to admit.
He had been wrong to kiss her last evening. Just as he had been wrong to pleasure her as he did.
Yes, he had fought against it the best he could. And yes, he had warned her of the consequences as if this was somehow her fault.But that did nothing to soften the guilt and the shame and hurt that roiled his insides like knives tearing at his innards.
To make matters worse, Daniel could still not say if he had done the right thing in abandoning her. He wanted to believe it. He needed it to be the case. But if it was, why did he feel so awful? Why did he despise himself so much?
I know the answer to that, just as I know that all of this is my fault. And that I hurt Lady Alison as I did… add that to the list of reasons that I do not deserve a happy ending.
At most, he contended that once she was gone from here, he would be able to forget her, as she would be able to forget him. It might not be a happy ending, but it was the best he could hope for.
So it was that he pushed himself up and strode from his office, bracing his conscience for a moment that was sure to be as difficult to get through as it was painful to bear.
Daniel arrived at the top of the stairwell to find the foyer in a state of chaos.
Lord Pemberton, his wife, and his children were already inside his home. And they converged on Alison like hyenas over a rotting carcass. To a casual observer, it might have looked like a family brimming with relief to find their daughter and sister alive and well. But to Daniel, it looked like something entirely different.
Her mother held her and wept with joy.
Her two sisters hugged her while laughing with relief.
The brother, Felix, stood back with his arms folded as he watched, but he wore a smile that suggested he was glad to have found his half-sister safe and in one piece.
Even Lord Pemberton appeared relieved. He rested a hand on his wife’s back in comfort, and when he found Alison’s eyes, he offered her a conciliatory nod of respect.
It is all a lie. How can they behave this way when they were who left her in the first place? How can they pretend to care when we all know that they do not give a damn about her?
It made Daniel angrier than it should have done. Just as it upset him because he could see through the cheer, and just how morose Alison appeared. She might have been smiling. She might have been hugging her mother. But he knew her well enough to sense the reservation, because she knew, as he did, how false it all was.
“Lord Grayhill!” Lord Pemberton spotted him standing at the top of the stairwell. “The man of the hour!”
The family broke apart suddenly, and they all turned to face him. That was with the exception of Lady Alison. She kept her back on him, head bowed, shoulders hunched as if in protection. Daniel winced at the sight, confirming what he already knew but hadprayed to not be the case: that she hated him for what he had done.
“I see you made it, despite the weather.” Daniel straightened himself and started down the stairs.
“Would that we could have come sooner,” Lord Pemberton said as he strode for the stairs. “The roads north are a wasteland the likes of which I have not seen in years.”
