Page 110 of Dead Serious with Benefits
“I’ve always been able to get up when necessary, though a bit of caffeine never hurts,” I said with a smile. “He calls me inhuman when I wake up and start my day without needing at least twenty minutes shambling around in search of coffee.”
“That is one of the few times I have to agree with his assessment,” she said, her eyes falling to his face. “He put himself in danger because of you...foryou.”
There was nothing that could be said to that. Or rather, there was plenty that could be said, but I didn’t trust her enough to say those things, not without seeing where the discussion was heading. There was something different about her; maybe it was the realization of how close she’d come to losing Ward, or just sheer exhaustion. If what she had said was true and she hadn’t gotten any sleep, then she had been awake nearly thirty-six hours...if not more.
She never looked at me as she spoke. “He...he was always such a confusing child. I could see so much of myself in him as he was growing up; he was clever and didn’t take long to pick up new concepts. However, like me, he was abominable at picking up languages. Even his...desire to be free and do things his way without regard to what his mother might want...were familiar. His determination to do things his way would be his downfall, but I could never get him to see it. I could never understand the parts of him that weren’t me. Politeness and kindness came easily to him. I could teach him manners, but I didn’t have to teach him to be sweet. There has always been a generosity in him that I could never understand...or control.”
I sighed. “Why would you want to? Do you think it’s necessary to go through life without kindness and generosity?”
“He is the child of a politician and a businesswoman. I never had any illusions about ambition or what it would cost. I never believed it would be anything but difficult for him, not just for me. Don’t think I’m unaware of my reputation, or what people see me as. I am that cold-hearted, ambitious bitch that everyone despises, even when they turn to me the moment everything goes to hell. I am not loved or liked, and I know that. I knew it when I was pregnant with him, and I knew I did not want the only child I would ever have to be a victim of this world. Not when he had a mother who drew so much animosity and hate.”
“Your son has learned to be who he is in spite of you, not because of you,” I said, because I didn’t have the mental fortitude to withhold the truth. “He has grown to be who he is on his own terms, and if he really is as much like you as you think, you should know you’ll never be able to break him. You’ll drive him away long before you manage to best him, I hope you know that.”
“My mother was visiting once, when Ward was about seven. I had complained to her that I could not get that boy to sit still for the life of me, and no matter what I or any of his tutors tried, if he insisted on doing things his way, it would be tried that way—several times. Only upon failure would he begrudgingly ask for help or accept that how he was being guided was correct,” she said, turning her gaze from his face to stare out the windows. “My mother...told me I would lose him before I could get him on a leash. That he was too much like me to be contained by anyone against his will.”
“So, I’m not the first to tell you something like that.”
“No, after her and Ward, you would be the third. Eric has never had the strength to stand up to me, and those who work for me won’t say a thing. I wasn’t surprised the first was my mother; I took after my father, and who would know his daughter better than her? She could see what I’d already seen and refused to accept. Ward has said much the same in his own way over the years, and why not? He has always been me, but without the ambition.”
“His ambition may not be the same as yours, but that does not mean he lacks it.”
“He will not go far in life, not like I have, not like I aim to.”
“Maybe, maybe not, but he will be happier.”
Her eyes flashed to me, lips thinning. “And then there is the third...you. You have come along unexpectedly, have only been around briefly, and have already proven to be something...else.I have met and interacted with his partners in the past, and none have been...I don’t know. You seem so distant, so removed from everyone around you that at first I thought he might be committing a sort of psychological incest. Now? Now I see there is far more to it. I know you are capable of encouraging my son’s softer side, can weather his moods and his shifting, chaotic mind without being affected by it. And you are the first to stand up, look me in the eyes, and tell me where you think I have fallen short, and all on his behalf. In short, you are perhaps the best partner for my son as he is now, and the person who will stand in the way of all the plans I had built for him...if only he had taken them.”
“Ward managed quite well on his own without needing the aid or backup of someone like me,” I told her. “I think you underestimate him.”
“And I think you underestimate how much pressure he has been under, how much I have tried, and how that can wear anyone down over time. But now he has found you, and even if you two do not make it for life, he will have found a renewed strength. If only because he found someone who believes in him for how he wants to be seen, and perhaps how he is, rather than what others, me especially, wish to see him. How absurd and frustrating that in three weeks, you have given him something he never knew he needed.”
“You won’t hear me apologize.”
“No, I suspect I won’t. Anymore than you’ll hear me apologize.”
“And I’m not going anywhere, not without being forced...by him.”
“My son risked his life to save yours, and in turn, you risked your life to save his. Do not think I did not hear what you said to those men. You were willing to damage your soul if it came down to it, for yourself, for your parents...but for him. There is a goodchance my son found in you what I could never find in Eric...a true, equal partner.”
I expected nothing less from him and me, and never expected him to accept anything less. I could see now that Amelia was lonelier than she would ever admit, and she would stay that way. Maybe she was lying to herself, thinking she wanted equality but had always resisted reality. Or perhaps she had hoped that Eric might find a strength and aggression he’d never had to thwart her. Or maybe she had privately thought that when her son came of age and fell into his correct role, she would havesomeonewho could keep up with her, who would understand.
Except...he was not her, and never would be. She had given birth to the one who carried so many of her traits, but he had never forgotten his heart. He could be calculating and dismissive, but his hardness would defrost with time, whereas hers was always present. Amelia would never let go of the power and control to allow someone to come close to being her equal, and she would always strive for more power, even if that meant isolating herself further from others.
“I would prefer we were not enemies,” I told her softly. “At least not active ones. Hasn’t there been enough animosity and games between you two? Isn’t there a point where you can let things be? Or at least stop threatening to cut him off if he doesn’t do what you want.”
She stared at me before moving her eyes back to the window. It meant she didn’t see Ward’s fingers flex, and I could see his eyelids shift. He was awake, and considering he wasn’t opening his eyes, I suspected he had been awake for a while. The brat was playing ‘dead’ while his mother was here, listening to our entire conversation.
“As to the arrangement he has with me and the family, that’s a conversation for him and me to have, not you,” she said stiffly.“But...yes, we would be doing ourselves a favor if we didn’t feel the need to butt heads every time we see one another.”
“That is fine by me. I do not require or even want your friendship, Amelia. But I don’t want to feud with his mother, no matter how he feels about you.”
“Then we will simply have to call a truce. We will behave amicably around one another, no arguments, no comments?—”
“And no bringing up my childhood either,” I told her.
“He told you, did he?”
“He had you on speakerphone. I was right there.”
