Page 40 of Letting Go of Yesterday
‘Okay. Well, we’re off to see if we can find a stork in Port Kara, if you know what I mean.’ Will might have been talking in riddles, but Nathan knew exactly what his brother meant and he also knew why he hadn’t just come out and said that Heather was in labour. Leo could be a worrier, especially when it came to his mum or anything to do with hospitals. So they’d agreed it would be better not to let him know that the baby was on her way until she’d arrived safely. Port Kara was code for St Piran’s, the hospital that was located there, and the stork was code for the midwives who’d be bringing the baby into the world.
‘Amazing. Has Mum gone with you?’
‘Do you seriously think I could do anything to stop her?’ Will laughed.
‘Not a chance. Take care and good luck. Love you all.’ The words caught in Nathan’s throat as he thought about how scared his sister-in-law probably was. She’d been paranoid the whole way through the pregnancy that, despite the frequent scans, there’d be something that had been missed. Nathan had seen her crying in Will’s arms, not long after they’d discovered they were having another baby, and telling him she couldn’t cope if she had another child with a life-limiting condition, because she couldn’t face the prospect of losing them both. He’d watched as his brother had reassured his wife, but he’d seen on Will’s face that he was every bit as scared as she was. All he could do now was silently pray that their fears would be unfounded.
‘Love you too, bro, and give Leo a big hug from me.’ Will hung up the phone, as Nathan pulled into the driveway and stopped outside the main house, turning to look at his nephew who had a quizzical expression on his face.
‘What’s a stork?’
‘It’s a big white bird.’
‘Why are Mum, Dad and Nanny going to look for one in Port Kara?’
‘Because looking at beautiful birds is a nice relaxing thing for your mum to do before she has the baby.’
‘I suppose so.’ Leo wrinkled his nose. ‘But I’d much rather look for dolphins or seals, if I was in Port Kara.’
‘Me too, but do you know what would be even better?’ Theo nudged Leo’s arm. ‘Imagine if you saw a shark, or a killer whale. That would be so cool.’
They were off then, the boys, talking about all the animals it would be way cooler to spot than a stork. It was a brilliant distraction from worrying about Heather. Nathan took the boys up to the main house, and set about making their dinner as they continued with the artwork they’d started with Mr Pengelly, adding in some of the animals they’d decided might one day grace the beach at Port Kara. They’d wanted to carry on with it after dinner and, by the time there was a knock on the door, just before 7p.m., there’d been a hippo and a giraffe added to the picture which could now give the passenger list on Noah’s ark a run for its money.
‘Hey.’ Nathan kept his greeting casual when he opened the door to Rowan, but the sight of her still made him catch his breath. She was beautiful, despite the dark circles under her eyes that indicated a run of sleepless nights. He’d texted to let her know he was up at the main house and what was happening with the baby, and the concern was evident on her face, despite the brevity of her response.
‘Any news?’
‘No, and I check my phone at least twenty times a minute.’ He laughed as her eyebrows shot up behind her fringe, and he stood back to let her in to the house. ‘You might think I’m joking, but I’m really not.’
‘I’d be doing that too. I can’t wait to be an auntie one day, but with Charlie living his best life travelling around the world I could be a very old lady before that happens.’
‘Maybe another baby first instead.’ Nathan hadn’t meant for the words to come out of his mouth, but she and James wouldn’t be the first reunited couple to have a ‘sticking plaster baby’ in an attempt to get their marriage back on track.
‘Another baby?’ She blinked a few times in quick succession, as if she was trying to make sense of a far more complex sentence and then she laughed. ‘For a moment there I thought you were making me an offer.’
He wanted to laugh too, but he couldn’t. He seemed incapable of playing it cool any more and waiting for her to tell him what was going on with James, because not knowing what was happening was almost as torturous as waiting for news about the baby, and suddenly he wasn’t capable of doing both things at the same time. ‘I don’t think James would be very amused by me even joking about that. Not if you two are trying to make a go of things.’
‘We’re not. Oh God, Nathan, I’m so sorry, I’ve messed you about so much and I know that it must be what this looks like, but I promise you I’ve got no intention of giving things another go with James.’ She took a step towards him and he wanted to kiss her so much that he had no idea how he stopped himself, but somehow he did.
‘Does James know that?’
‘Of course he does and even if I desperately wanted to get back with him, which I absolutely do not, I know without a shadow of a doubt that it isn’t what he wants either.’
‘Look, it’s none of my business and I’ve got no right to even ask you any of this really, it’s not like we made each other any promises. But I really like you and I hope at the very least that we’ve become good friends again over these past few months.’ He waited as she nodded. ‘Okay, so as your friend, I hope you won’t mind me saying this, but I think you’re wrong. When I saw you all at Camel Creek you looked like the perfect family and then at the fireworks it was obvious how devastated James is by everything that happened. He still loves you and I can’t blame him for that for one second.’
‘Even if that’s true, you think that means I should just give him a second chance?’ There was an edge to Rowan’s voice now, but they were still in the hallway, far enough away from where the boys were sitting not to be overheard. Nathan had no idea why he was pushing it the way he was, because the last thing he wanted was for Rowan to give James another shot, but it would have made him a hypocrite if he completely closed down the idea of second chances.
‘Only you can decide if you think he’s worth that, but I have to believe that second chances can work out, or I shouldn’t even be back living in Port Agnes.’ Nathan sighed. ‘I think any man who would risk losing you is an absolute idiot, but we’ve all done stupid things in our lives and if there’s even a chance that James is the person who can make you as happy as you deserve to be, I want you to take the chance. As your friend.’
‘What about if we’re more than friends?’ She held his gaze and the air between them seemed to fizz as she waited for him to respond.
‘If we’re more than friends, then of course I don’t want you to go back to James, but I don’t know that we are. It doesn’t matter how much I want us to be a proper couple, it doesn’t mean anything unless you feel the same way.’ He could so easily had taken a step forward and kissed her, but he kept his feet rooted to the same spot on the ground. ‘We’ve seen each other a handful of times without the children and it’s been great, but it’s also been a secret and I’m not sure why that is. Not if you’re really certain there’s no chance for you and James.’
‘I told you before, it’s because of the children and…’ She hesitated for just a moment too long, a look flickering across her eyes that seemed to confirm all his worst fears.
‘Because you’d be embarrassed if people knew you were with someone like me. Someone who’s been to prison. What on earth would they make of you then?’ His tone was more resigned than bitter, because he’d been here before, and he didn’t wait for her to answer. ‘Nicole couldn’t live with the prospect of me having a criminal record and we were married, so I don’t expect you to risk your reputation in a village like this, where gossip is the lifeblood that seems to keep half the population going.’
‘That’s not true, Nathan. There might be a handful of people who think like that, but that’s on them. The vast majority of people can see all the good you do for the community and they like you for who you are. They don’t care about one mistake that you more than paid the price for.’
