Page 9 of Letting Go of Yesterday
Bex had given her the grand tour, if you could call it that in a school with only seven classrooms, an office each for her and Bex, a small staffroom and an even smaller intervention room for pupils who needed additional support. One of the outside buildings operated as the school hall, although any larger events, including those where parents were invited, were held in St Jude’s Church. The hall also served as the dining room, for the children having school dinners, which were delivered by a catering service to schools that were too small to have their own kitchens. The other outbuilding was multi-purpose, and its uses included providing sensory activities and other support for children with special educational needs or disabilities. It was a lovely little school and by the time the tour was over, Rowan had a broad smile on her face. This was coming home in the best possible sense and all of a sudden it didn’t feel like a setback in her career, it felt like exactly the kind of new start she’d been looking for.
There were seven class teachers, one for each year, and a part-time SENDCO, to oversee the support for children with additional needs. There was also a teaching assistant for each class, and another six academic support teaching assistants who worked with pupils on a one-to-one basis, as well as a part-time caretaker and sessional sports coach. It was a fraction of the number of staff that Rowan had managed at Membory Grange, but Bex had assured her that they were a lovely team and that working at the school felt like being part of a family. Rowan just hoped they’d all welcome her arrival, having clearly got on so well with the previous headteacher. The signs so far were good. Juliet Bartosz, who taught the Reception class, was in doing prep work, alongside Lyra Blythe, who was the Year 3 teacher, and Caden Pengelly, who taught Year 6 and was also deputy head. They were all very friendly and seemed enthusiastic about her arrival and her ideas for the forest and beach school activities in particular. Bex had told her that the caretaker, whose name was Krish, would be arriving soon to work with some of the parents from the PTA on accessibility to the grass area, for the pupil who used a wheelchair.
‘Leo’s such a wonderful little boy.’ Bex’s face had lit up when she’d described him. ‘But last winter, when he started using the wheelchair full time, he stopped being able to go on the grass because it gets too wet for him. Antony had looked into getting astroturf, but your idea is far better.’
Rowan had been delighted when the PTA and governors had agreed to fund the purchase of some concrete paving grids that would provide accessibility but which grass could grow through. It meant the school wouldn’t lose any of the green space, but Leo would still be able to access all the same areas as the other children. Rowan wasn’t under any illusion that this was all down to her. The funds had been raised due to the hard work of the PTA and costs had been kept low by one of the volunteers offering to lay the grids free of charge.
‘That sounds brilliant and it’s wonderful to hear there’s such a strong sense of community at the school and how involved the parents are.’ Rowan had meant what she’d said. One of the downsides of Membory Grange had been the sense of entitlement that some of the parents seemed to possess, as if the fact that they were paying for their children’s education meant they didn’t need to make any personal investment in school life. She wouldn’t miss that and she was really looking forward to working more closely with the parents of her pupils.
After Bex had introduced her to the staff who were around, the next few hours were taken up with planning for the beginning of term and the staff training day that Rowan would be leading before the children came back to school. Bex was also incredibly patient with her when she ran through the computer systems the school used, which were different from the record keeping and reporting software used by independent schools. It had been a busy morning and when Bex had produced a carrot cake, suggesting they enjoy a slice with a cup of tea outside in the sunshine, it hadn’t taken much persuasion. Bex made the same offer to the other staff, before informing Rowan that she’d also extended the invitation to Krish and the volunteers who were working on putting down the paving grids. Rowan, who hadn’t eaten all day, tried not to wonder whether there would be enough cake to go around. The parents working hard outside deserved it more than she did, and she’d just have to ignore the rumbling that had started in her stomach the moment Bex had mentioned cake. She should have known her old friend better than that, as Bex set a second cake out on a plate – chocolate this time – and put it down on the trestle table that had been brought out from the hall. Caden, Juliet and Lyra carried out enough chairs for everyone, and Bex switched on the tea urn belonging to the PTA.
‘It feels like we’re having our own little street party, we just need to decide on the occasion.’ Rowan smiled wistfully, remembering the street party they’d had in Port Agnes for the Queen’s golden jubilee, when she’d been sixteen, just before her parents had split up. It had been such a fun day, helping to run events for the younger children in the village, and consolidating her ambition to become a teacher one day. After that she’d gone up to the clifftop with some of her friends, at a spot where they’d be able to see the lanterns lit in Port Agnes, Port Kara and Port Tremellien to mark the jubilee, and the firework display that had been organised for afterwards. Bex had been there, along with other friends from school and the Lark brothers, who all the girls were more than a little bit in love with. Rowan had been good friends with Nathan for about a year by then, secretly hoping that one day it would be far more than that, and she’d ended up kissing him just after the lanterns were lit and those first fireworks let off. She’d been certain that the historic nature of the occasion meant their kiss must be momentous too, but before they could arrange a proper date, the end of her parents’ marriage had shattered her world. It had been all she could do to get through the remainder of her exams and she couldn’t focus on Nathan, no matter how much she liked him. They barely spoke again before she left for London, but that didn’t mean she’d forgotten him.
‘We’ve already got our special occasion.’ Bex’s voice broke into her thoughts. ‘You starting as the new head and coming home to Port Agnes, where you belong is more than reason enough to celebrate.’
She raised her as yet empty mug, offering an imaginary toast and the others echoed the sentiment, but then Juliet suddenly put her hand in the air, in a hold-that-thought gesture.
‘I’m not sure tea is going to cut it you know, because we appear to be having our very own Diet Coke break.’ She indicated towards the grassy area where Nathan Lark, of all people, was lifting one of the paving grids off a trolly single-handedly, his white T-shirt clinging to him.
Caden let out a low whistle. ‘Even as a straight man I can see what you mean, although I suddenly want to put on a coat to hide my own inadequacies.’
‘Should we be objectifying him like this? It feels a bit wrong… you know, especially on school grounds and with him being a parent.’ Lyra shifted uncomfortably in her seat and Rowan could have kissed her. She’d wanted to say something similar, but didn’t want to seem like a complete killjoy on the first day she met her colleagues. It did feel wrong though, as did the level of disquiet she’d experienced at the news that Nathan was the father of one of her pupils. She knew his marriage had ended a couple of years ago and that they hadn’t had any children, but if Lyra was right he must have become a parent with someone else and she had no idea why the thought bothered her. Whenever she’d heard snippets about Nathan moving on with his life, like when he’d first got married, it bothered her more than she could rationalise. He didn’t seem to have social media, so she hadn’t kept up with him in the same way as some of her other friends, but from time to time someone would mention his name and she’d realise the butterflies still hadn’t completely gone away. She hadn’t heard anything about him getting remarried, but there’d been one bit of news that her mother had passed on two or three years earlier, which had shocked her to the core and made her wonder if she’d ever really known him at all. But the Nathan she remembered had been funny and kind, and whatever he’d done she preferred to remember him that way. Except now their paths had crossed again and she might be forced to confront a very different person to the one she’d imagined.
‘Fair point, I suppose.’ Juliet pulled a face. ‘Except he’s not a parent, he’s an uncle, which means he might not be quite so off limits and I’d definitely consider volunteering more for the PTA, and maybe even asking him out, if it wasn’t for, well, you know…’
‘What?’ As Lyra asked the question, Rowan realised she was holding her breath. She hoped Juliet wasn’t about to say what she was expecting. Whatever Nathan had done, he’d served his time, and he was now doing his bit to help out at the school. It shouldn’t be the one thing people judged him by, or the first thing that came to mind when his name was mentioned. From what she’d heard he’d gone to prison for VAT fraud and if it had been a more serious crime, he’d never have got clearance to volunteer at the school. He deserved a second chance, especially when he was clearly doing his best to give something back to the community, but not everyone thought so.
‘His prison sentence.’ Juliet lowered her voice as she spoke. ‘I mean, he might be God’s gift to womanhood, but can you imagine the reaction of some of the parents if they discovered the Reception class teacher was dating a prisoner?’
‘He’s not a prisoner. He’s served his sentence and I think he’s proving by his actions that he deserves a fresh start.’ Rowan kept her tone measured, despite her scalp bristling with a defensiveness she had no right to feel. The staff had clearly felt comfortable enough with the previous head to chat about anything and everything, but she didn’t care any more if she sounded like a killjoy, this had gone far enough and at least one person was on her side.
‘I couldn’t agree more and it was VAT fraud, he’s not an axe murderer.’ Bex sighed. ‘Okay, I know that doesn’t make it right, but if I had to guess, I’d say it had something to do with his family and Leo in particular. Just before it all came out, the Larks lost their father. He’d been in a nursing home for six months and they were fundraising for Leo to get some experimental treatment in the US too. Will’s wife also told me they’d been considering IVF to try for a second baby, so the embryos could be screened. That was a lot for one family to cope with and pay for. I can’t help thinking that whatever money Nathan took wasn’t for himself. Even if it was, he paid the price, did his sentence and had to sell his house to settle what was owed.’
‘Another fair point I suppose.’ Juliet pulled a face. ‘I still wish he hadn’t done it so I could have asked him out. As much as I might be willing to see past his criminal record, I just don’t think I could cope with the snidey comments from parents who seem to think teachers should live lives that are beyond reproach. It’s not fair; I haven’t seen anyone I fancy in months and, when I do, he turns out to be forbidden fruit.’
‘Don’t worry, Jules, I’ll take you speed dating with me in Port Tremellien next time I go.’ Lyra made the offer and the conversation quickly moved on to the challenges of trying to date when you lived in rural Cornwall. Rowan was grateful for the change of subject, but Nathan was still on her mind.
Despite the things she’d heard about him over the years, no one had told her about the difficulties his family had gone through before he’d gone to prison and she hadn’t realised he was Leo’s uncle. His brother Will didn’t have any social media either and the news other people had decided to pass on had focused on the more salacious aspects of his life. Rowan’s trips home had always been fairly brief, so she’d only been given the information about Nathan that other people had thought was worth sharing. Now that she’d begun to discover other things about him, she found herself wanting to know more, but she couldn’t justify why. She tried to tell herself it was because he was the uncle of one of her pupils, a little boy with complex needs whose family she’d need to get to know even better than the families of her other pupils. Rowan could tell herself that story as much as she liked, but when she glanced over and caught another glimpse of Nathan Lark, she knew there was more to it than she was willing to admit, even to herself.
* * *
‘It looks like you’re making great progress with the paving grids. Bex said you didn’t want to stop for a drink, but I thought I should bring you one anyway, especially now that your brother has had to leave you to finish up.’ Rowan held the bottle of water she’d taken from PTA supplies out to Nathan. She’d put a two-pound coin into the petty cash box, which Bex had said was more than they charged for water when they sold it at school events, but it had still felt like she was doing something she shouldn’t. Although, that might have had more to do with who the water was intended for rather than anything else.
He put down the spade he’d been holding and smiled. He had a great smile, he always had done. She didn’t know why she was so surprised to see it exactly as it had been all those years ago, but she was. Rowan didn’t know what she’d expected after his short stint in prison, but clearly she’d anticipated some kind of impact; maybe missing teeth or a tear drop tattoo. Her mouth twitched at the ridiculousness of the thought. Whatever he’d been through in the last two decades, it had done nothing to dim his looks. There was just the merest touch of grey at his temples, but the rest of his hair was still dark and there wasn’t any sign of it thinning in the way James’s hair had started to do. Nathan’s dark blue eyes had the same memorising affect they’d always had as he met her gaze.
‘It’s really kind of you to bring me a drink, Rowan, thank you. Can I still call you that, now you’re going to be the headteacher?’
‘Of course, as long as it’s not in front of the children. Then I’m Mrs Bellamy.’ She raised her eyebrows and smiled. ‘And given my new position, I had to bring you a drink. I couldn’t have the stigma of you dropping dead from dehydration, before the term has even started.’
‘I’m quite good at attracting stigma. I expect you’ve heard.’ He returned her smile, but there was a hint of something behind his eyes that she couldn’t quite identify. If she’d had to guess, she’d have said it was regret, but it could have been guilt, or even embarrassment. Still, he’d been the one to bring it up, so it couldn’t be a subject he was all that desperate to avoid.
‘You know what village life is like.’ She shrugged, wondering what Nathan had heard about her reasons for returning to Port Agnes, and the conclusions he’d drawn about her parents when she and her mother had first left. ‘Unfortunately so do I, only too well, which is why I make my own mind up about people instead of listening to gossip.’
‘Good to know.’ They locked eyes for a moment and she had to look away, beyond where he was standing to the paving grids that had already been laid.
‘I think your nephew is going to be in my son Theo’s class. Please tell me that they’re a friendly group. Theo is quite an anxious boy at the best of times and let’s just say that the last few months haven’t been the best of times.’ It was more than she’d intended to say, but he’d always had that effect on her.
‘I’m sorry.’ Nathan briefly touched her hand and the patch of skin beneath his fingers tingled, even when he moved his hand away again. ‘I can’t vouch for the whole class, but most of the kids seem okay and, I know I’m biased, but Leo is great. He’d never want to see anyone sidelined, so I’m sure he’ll give Theo a warm welcome.’
