Page 17 of The Leaves In Autumn
“Something’s different.”
He bites his lip trying to hold back a smile.
“Now whywouldit be?”
My accusatory pointed finger aims right at the guilty party.
“It’s all because you were looking at my ass. With lust in your heart.”
“That’s nothing new. And if you don’t want me to look, you can start by not pulling your panties down at the drop of a hat.”
My chin drops.
“What!! If you’re going to lay blame by that standard, buddy, look in a mirror. I recall a certain person almost whipping his herm out to show me a nearby scar.”
“Herm is it?”
“That’s what my grandfather called it.”
“I like it. Let’s keep the name. It gives it a certain dignity.”
Leaning back in his chair, he rocks and looks me in the eye. I call his bluff.
“Nervous, are you?”
The front legs come down hard. Eyes lock.
“Not in the least. You?”
“If I was, you’dneverknow it.”
Ohhhhh. He is enjoying this every bit as much as I am. An imaginary voice inside me yells, ‘You are now entering the danger zone. Turn back!’ I choose to completely disregard the warning.
CHAPTER 5
Aargon
“Does next week same time work for you, Aargon?”
Dr. Frank assumes I am coming back. Maybe. Maybe not.
“That’s fine. I’ll call if I need to cancel.”
Bet she has heard that a thousand times before, from similarly fucked-up patients. This is the last stop for people like me. Men and women who can’t separate themselves from the sadness, even though they have tried for years.
It is a possible lifeline. I know it although my impulse is to reject it. But something inside says give it a shot, because even the nights don’t set me free now. Dreams of loss follow lately.
Watching the doctor enter my name in an appointment book interests me. She’s old school. Masculine from haircut to shoes. Straight shooter. Bet in her personal life she doesn’t suffer fools gladly. Here it would be required. But there was something about her that connected with me. I think she has suffered too. It is in her eyes.
“If you do cancel, make sure there will be enough time to book another patient. Twenty-four hours.”
I nod in agreement and head for the door.
“Call if you need something sooner.”
What? She must really think I am on the edge. This is my norm.
Sunglasses are on before I make it to the street. Wouldn’t want any looks of pity from strangers noticing the grown man who has obviously been crying. At least my eyes will be hidden from passerby’s stares.
