Page 81 of The Leaves In Autumn
“Everything is going to revert.”
“Talk about that.”
I am up and pacing.
“Without him, without her, I’m left with me. Sounds boring as shit.”
“It’s interesting that a few months ago, being alone was where you felt best.”
The words hit me hard. The pacing slows. Dr. Franklin waits patiently for the revelation to settle. Is that some sort of clarity I see? There are tears trying to push their way out. I think these are happy ones. I haven’t felt that in so long.
She passes me the Kleenex box.
“You’re healing, Aargon. Everyone has their own pace. Scars take time to fade. Same with emotional traumas. You have been honest in here. Vulnerable. That’s what getting through requires. When we face the horrors head on, they begin to lose their power to control our lives. Because we’ve looked at it all.”
It probably would be looked down on, but I feel a real affection for my therapist. This isn’t bullshit psychobabble. She’s helping.
“I have a question.”
She waits for me to voice it.
“Teddy. I haven’t told him I’m seeing a therapist.”
Another silence.
“Do you think I should?”
“How do you feel about it?”
“I think there are more positives than negatives.”
“Tell me what they are.”
I stretch my legs and slide down in my seat. Hands clasped behind my head.
“He would see me not being afraid to seek help.”
“That’s a powerful message.”
“Even though it seems to me he’s a balanced, happy kid.”
“You know more than most how a person can hide pain.”
“I shouldn’t ignore the fact he went through the same traumas.”
“That’s right.”
“Although Teddy was so young when she killed herself. Too young for therapy. But just knowing your mother committed suicide must fuck with you at some point.”
“It did me.”
“I had no idea…I’m so sorry. So you know.”
“I know how it was for me. Teddy has his own story. It isn’t mine or yours. But should he decide to talk with someone, I have a colleague that can recommend a therapist close to your son’s college. Let me get his card.”
“We’re meeting for lunch. I’ll see how he feels about it then.”
* * *
