Page 99 of Until Landon
He stays silent for a few beats, gathering the words.
“It’s good to be confident, but you don’t know what you’re up against. You think it’s going to be that easy being apart?”
“Not easy. No.”
I kick a rock across the road. He comes to a stop. I go a few steps, then turn and face what he has to tell me.
“It’s bullshit to think absence makes the heart grow fonder. Two people need to be together to make it work. You throw a kid in there, even more so.”
Bet Dad sees Hunter as a child.
“He’s not a kid anymore,” I remind him. “He’s nearly twenty.”
“Really? You’re still a kid to me and you’re thirty-five. Your child always needs your guidance and support. Forever. Period.” He calls the play. “If you end up with Kim, Hunter will rely on yours.”
“She’s worried about him. He told her last night he doesn’t want to go back to college. The kid doesn’t really have another direction though. Not yet.”
We resume our slow pace toward the white wood garage in the distance.
“You just made my point. She needs a partner. By her side.”
Now a hand on my arm stops me.
“You are in love with a mother. It’s who she is. In here,” he says, touching his heart. “You need to be around that, to know if it’s for you.”
“I think I’d be pretty good at it. I don’t know. If I didn’t kill him for the lake house clusterfuck, I never will.”
“One bad decision does not a lifetime make. He’s going to make a lot more mistakes. Just like the rest of us have. And it’s going to bug the shit out of you sometimes. Only loving the child makes it bearable. Think that’s a possibility for you?”
“I would have to be around him more to know.”
“Exactly.”
We walk.
“Kim needs to see if you are the kind of man that can be a good influence. Hunter’salmosta man. It’ll be too late to make the same impression on him you can make now. There’s a small window of opportunity for you.”
“I’m thinking.”
“This bullshit of living apart will make things murkier. You’re only going to see the parts she chooses to show you. Same from you. Not that you’d be deceitful, but because you want to show your best selves. Our best selves are a lie, Landon. They only show up maybe ten percent of the time. It’s an incomplete picture of who we really are. Understand?”
“Fuck.”
He drives it home.
“Small moments build the love. Same for kids. I think about what your mother did to make my life beautiful. When we were together, I was a king in a fucking fairy tale. Kim treats you that way.”
My nod is agreement.
“Think things through. Don’t let life decide where you are headed. Make choices. That’s how to get what you want. What are you waiting for? An invitation to paradise?”
These are the talks we used to have. The deep down reveals.
“I’ll figure it out, Dad. Thanks for caring so much.”
“One more thing. Be ready to pivot. That’s my best tip.”
“Pivot?”
