Page 63 of Until Now
Hunter takes his place in front of the microphone with Bing on bass to his left. The new keyboard player joins in. Trevor sets the beat on the drums. Boom! The song begins. “Smells Like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana lifts the room.
I know this was my suggestion, and it makes me happy. It’s perfect for getting a crowd of teenagers in the mood to celebrate their puberty. When Hunter steps up and begins to sing, more than a few girls scream. But he only has eyes for Beth, with the long blonde hair, who has not stopped staring at him. This encourages the boy greatly. He’s losing whatever nerves he had by the minute.
Bing begins his bass solo, and it looks like he’s done it for years. He’s Keith Richards in his fantasy. Hopefully, always without the bad behaviors. In the front row, Frankie rocks out with a red, smashed, fan-shaped flower pinned on her dress. I wonder if she knows the story behind it?
Maxen and I stand on the sidelines, watching as the boys step into young adulthood. I take out my cell and record the moment for Kim. A feeling of sadness washes over me as I realize it’s these kinds of things that Maxen will miss.
He needs to bond with Bing on a day to day level. But if patience is required, I will pay that price. I guess time will figure out how it happens. Bing likes being around Maxen and, even more important than that, respects him. That can’t be manufactured. The dream rests in my mind all the time. I think of what could be. Father, mother, son. That’s what I hope for.
But can that happen if he doesn’t live the small moments? The struggles and the triumphs. How will it come to be if Bing can’t get to really know him and make up his own mind? And how can we become really intimate emotionally without everyday contact?
That’s how it’s built. Not by random weekends spent in bed making up for lost time. That would be a false telling of our stories. We need toseeeach other in all our moods. Sometimes only our best selves show up on the phone, and then we are judged by that person alone.
We need to see the selfish parts, the bored moods, the mad for no reason days. Those are as invaluable as the rest of us because they are authentic too. But parts are not as good as the whole. I believe we could become something great if only we could know it all.
As the song ends and applause begins, he takes my hand. The Other Side changes the mood. The latest John Legend love song suits their talents. Partners are chosen or requested. Some girls dance with each other.
“I don’t care if the kids think we’re sabotaging their fun. Let’s dance,” Maxen says.
The mellow music and meaningful lyrics set a mood. I heard Hunter sing this a few times at practice, and both times his voice cracked at the top of the high note. But tonight, he sounds really good, and so what if there’s a croak or two?
Maxen glides along smoothly. The scent of his skin and the breath on my neck makes me never want the song to end. In this moment, everything falls into place. As the truth comes into focus, there’s no room for doubt. It’s clearer than anything I’ve known before. He and I. That is the only thing that makes sense.
“I don’t remember what life was like before you,” I say.
As the first of my tears fall, he takes a kiss.
“You won’t have to try.”
The trail of tears comes to a halt—my shaking lip stills.
“What are you saying?”
“Who would I be without you, Dominique? Why would I even be interested in finding out? Up on the mountain today, it came to me. This is where I belong. Not in California. Not anywhere without you.”
“What about the great opportunity you’d be passing up?”
“All I can think of is what I’d be gaining. You and Bing.”
There’s a moment of shock. Then happiness jumps up and pushes it away, and all I can feel is love.
“You’re staying? You’re really staying?”
“I’m staying. Well, after I pack up and take care of my business. Give me a few weeks.”
He takes another kiss.
“What about your house? We need to talk with Bing. And your family. What are you going to say?”
He stops the conversation made of words, with one made of emotion. He takes and gives a kiss, and in it, I find forever.
