Page 51 of The Secret Club
“Wow Roxy, you are a special kind of mental. Seven whole days? That is a huge amount of time. There is shaving and feeding involved. I know you have read it. I’ve never done either kink job, I don’t know what they’d be like.” Sophie blinks her fiery gold eyes at me as she brushes an auburn hair from her forehead. “Are you sure about it?”
“I think I am. It’s literally the only job I clicked on and can think about. It’s so much money, it’s such a huge opportunity for me to earn that kind of money. Where else would me or James get $200k from a week’s worth of work, heck even a year’swork. I can’t move away from it. It just keeps doing circles in my brain and it feels such a relief to talk to someone other than James about it.”
“What does James say about it?”
“He’s as supportive as ever. But also, I know he’s going to worry about me for seven days. That’s the biggest downside for me.”
“Not the shaving?” Sophie exclaims flabbergasted.
“Not the shaving. That doesn’t really bother me. None of the job description really bothers me. Not now I’ve done that overnight Pet Play job. Something has shifted in me. I feel different since I took the job, in fact I feel like a different person entirely since I’ve become a playmate.”
“Well now, I can relate to that. I can’t relate to the family and mortgage situation, but I understand your motivations. Being a playmate opens your mind and heart for so much more, every day you’re more open to doing things you’d never imagined or even heard of. I can see the appeal on the money level and also the challenge. I suspect there is a darker, more depraved Roxy in there somewhere and this job is calling to her. Am I right?”
I blush because I think she is right. Underneath being a mum, wife, small business owner, and employee, being a playmate is peeling me back to my true self, the one I’ve buried so deep, I don’t recognise her and her true feelings.
“You could be right,” I decide to reply. I’m being coy, but she knows me well.
“No could be, I AM right,” she laughs in reply.
“I think being a playmate is unleashing things about me I’ve never let anyone else see in me before, even myself.”
“I bet Sandy knew they were there. She’s got a sixth sense for this kind of thing. I bet she sniffed out your sex kitten desires when hiring you.” Sophie laughs and she takes another mouthful of her lunch.
I start on my toasted bagel. “Do you think I can do it?” I ask earnestly.
“I think you can do whatever you put your mind to. Yes ok I freaked out a little when you told me, but now thinking about it more clearly of all the playmates I know, it would be you I’d choose who could actually go through with it all the way.”
“Why?”
“Because you are no quitter for a start. But also, you have enjoyed—loved, every job you have experienced so far. How many of your friends would be as open as you, do what you have done? Nothing seems to faze you. I know the overnight job concerned you, but you did it, enjoyed it and now you want more. You need more.”
“But is more being greedy?”
“Yes,” she says deadpan, then smiles. “Joking. No, you are not being greedy. You are saying yes to something you desire. You desire this challenge, this experience. You desire being at the mercy of eight men for seven days. That’s the crux of it.”
And now the truth is out in the open. The one I wasn’t sure I could say out loud. I breathe a sigh of relief. “Yes. I can’t believe that is the honest truth of it. Are you judging me?”
“Surely you know me better than that by now. You’re my bestie at Clarendon’s, I know you, I see you. Don’t be ashamed of something you want. Every single Club Member is not ashamed, they’re all asking for what they want and getting it. Why can’t you?”
When Sophie says it like that, it sounds like the most natural thing in the world. Almost like why would you not want to do this extreme seven day job, not let yourself experience anything you desire? But society says you can’t. I have conformed to the rules and regulations of being a wife and a school mum for over ten years. This is the opposite of that life, being a playmate is far away from ‘normal’ but I’ve managed to keep that secret well under wraps. I know no one is going tofind out about me taking this seven day job if I get it. It’s the owning the decision and admitting to myself I’m more playmate then I let myself believe. I’m more into this life than I realised. I crave it now that I have it. I keep wanting more. More kink experiences, more unknowns, more challenges and more uncovering the true me and my wants from all of this.
A tear tips out the corner of my eye and rolls down my cheek, “Because I didn’t think people like me could.”
“Oh honey, of course you can. You can chase your desires as much as the next guy. You just need to be brave enough to ask for them.”
Another tear rolls down my cheek. Why am I being so emotional? “But it’s so hard. I don’t want to be judged, least of all by my husband. What would he think if I said the reason I wanted to go for this job was more from desire than the money? I couldn’t even admit to James that the idea of someone shaving me turned me on, that impact play is something I’ve watched in porn…”
“Because it’s not the norm, yes. But what if he had desires he never said to you also from fear of being judged. Without having the conversations to start with, how would either of you know?”
“You’re right. I still can’t get my head around owning up to it. How would I even start such a conversation?”
“Honey, from what you’ve told me about James, he might suspect you’re into more kinks than you’ve ever said or done with him. But he’s learning more about you from every job you take. And what has his reaction been to each of them?”
“He’s been pumped when I’ve returned. He’s been interested in what I’ve done and can barely keep his hands off me.”
“Exactly Roxy, his actions are speaking louder than words too. You’re both into it. You just haven’t said it. My guess is he’s learning what he likes just like you are. I bet deep down he’s into some stuff that might not be your thing and vice versa. Butthat’s just it. Everyone can have their own kink; doesn’t mean you need to ignore it or bury it because it’s not for your partner. I would bet every couple has at least one mis-matched kink unless they actually met at a kink club for the same thing or from one of those apps, but even then people aren’t usually into just one thing. Everyone has their own desires, their own fantasies, and their own limits. Society just tries to shame us for wanting anything beyond the norm or what is deemed appropriate,” Sophie explains passionately.
“Sophie, having this conversation, you have no idea the feelings I am feeling right now. I didn’t know I needed to have it, but I so did. I feel like a weight of shame has been lifted off my shoulders. Shame I’ve carried around my entire adulthood.” I feel almost on the verge of tears, just at the knowledge that I’m not alone in this.
