Page 29 of The Secret Club
I feel a turmoil of loss knowing I may never see him again, I may never feel this way with anyone again. I know these feelings are some kind of come down after such a high but suffering through them is making my heart feel heavy. Every time I sit, my bottom smarts and I remember being spanked by him and then the way he lost control and climbed behind me like a feral animal.
My mind keeps circling around the same thoughts on loop. Over and over again. It’s torture. I need to speak to Sophie. I need to speak to her before I leave this office and take whatever I’m feeling home with me. I pick up my phone and dial her number.
“Oh hi Sophie, can you talk?”
“Hey Roxy, sure I can speak. What’s up? How was your job this morning?”
My lips begin to quiver and then the flood gates open, “It was so good, too good. I enjoyed it so much I can’t now move on from it. The way he made me feel…”
“Oh honey, I know exactly how you feel. I have been there myself. All of us playmates have. The come down after such an amazing experience and connection. It feels like going back to your life is the opposite of what you should be doing. Like following up a first date for a second? But that isn’t our world, it’s our job to be good and enjoy it, for them to enjoy it and be left wanting more. It means we are human but also really good at our jobs. You had a submissive role this time, you have a beautiful submissive personality, so of course this job was going to hit the mark perfectly for you.”
“Oh gosh, I feel like I miss him. How can that even be?”
“Because you just experienced a kink that really suits you, right down to your core. And I’m guessing the club member you worked for today was an excellent Dom? He was commanding but gentle. Made you do things you have never done before. I bet he hurt you but made you feel better, brought pleasure to your body in ways you hadn’t experienced and made you come harder than you’ve ever come before.”
“Yes!” I sob. “How can I move on from it, forget about it?”
“Honestly, you don’t forget but you learn to move on. It does get easier. You need to see the positives from this. You have found something that you really like, a role you can play that suits your temperament but even better—it suits your bank balance because you get paid well for it. The best way to get over this Dom is to book another job and take your mind away from him. He’s just a club member who you may never see again. You are grateful for the experience and for unearthing your true self, but then you carry on with your life. Andsomething else no one has probably told you? That is the first door that has been unlocked to a kink you didn’t realise you enjoy so much, imagine what else will be unlocked in your future?”
I let out a breath, she’s right. She’s talking from experience and I’m not the only one who has felt like this, and it most likely won’t be the last time either. Maybe Aaron feels this way. But at the end of the day it was a paid service which is now complete. This is reality and I need to go back to my life with my loving husband and gorgeous children, all of whom I’m doing this for.
“Thank you Sophie, I knew you’d know what this feels like and how to make me feel a bit better about things. Honestly, my mind got caught in some never ending loop from hell like I was some lovesick puppy. I was ready to track him down and offer to be his permanent sub for forever more.”
“Roxy, you have no idea how many times my mentor had to talk me off the ledge from doing that too. We are human, we have feelings, and we are allowed to have feelings. Go home to your gorgeous husband and tell him about it and all the things you enjoyed. I bet he’d enjoy stepping into the role of a Dom, more than you think. It just starts with a discussion. Boundaries.”
“Thanks so much Sophie, I really appreciate having you as my mentor.”
“Anytime Roxy, always. Speak soon ok?”
“Speak soon. Bye.”
I hang up and feel a thousand times better than before I spoke to her. I feel like some good sense has been talked into me, but it came from experience and understanding and that has made the world of difference. It’s not just me going through it, it is shared and will still happen in my future, I just need to talk about it and learn to handle it.
Feeling lighter, I finish up my work in my office and head home to my real life, my real world.
When I get home, everyone is spread out around the house. I go into the kids’ rumpus room and find my daughter who I chat to and ask about her day. Animatedly she talks to me for a bit before I find my son in his room watching some anime. We chat about his day and it warms me that both my children are happy and healthy. I’m lucky, I know I am.
I find James in his office working and walk over to him and rub his shoulders from behind.
“Hi,” I say as he swivels around to grab my waist and pull me onto his lap.
“How was being a naughty submissive today my Rose Petal?” He’s being jovial but his light tone and smile doesn’t meet his eyes. They are looking at me intently, he wants to know exactly what I did today, and in fine detail.
I take in a breath but I’m unsure of how to start. I don’t want to gush about the Dom but I do want to gush about how he made me feel in his role. I decide to tell him from the beginning how the morning went in order.
Once I’ve finished with every last detail James is rock hard below my butt, the heat in his eyes ablaze. He enjoyed my retelling of my morning I can tell. Now I watch him closely to see what he says, he hasn’t interrupted me once, just nodded and listened.
Shuffling back on his lap I place both my hands gently on either side of his face and I lean in to lightly dust my lips over his. He feels like home. He smells like home. And home is where my heart is.
“I want to play with you in the same way this member has,” James finally says softly. “I would like to learn to become a proper Dom and have you bemysubmissive. Not everyday, but I think there is a place in our life where we should or need to have this dynamic. You crave it and I desire it. I’d—we’d be silly to let this opportunity pass us by without further investigation and implementation.”
“Really? You’d like to be my Dom?” I breathe the words out, our lips pulling close again. My core is heating at the very idea of having this kind of dynamic play out in my real life.
“Right now there is nothing I’d rather be. But I need some education first. I know in the bedroom I can be dominating but this is different right? Especially listening to your recount from this morning. I loved every last detail. I want that. I want your submission but I realise there are ways and boundaries and I’d like to explore them properly before we play. I want to go all in for this Rosie, not just muddle through it. I want to be how that Dom was to you, I can see how you lit up retelling the experience, this is your thing. I want it too. It turns me on just thinking of all the ways you will submit to me.”
My heart, my pussy, everything flutters. I love this man so much. There is nothing I’d rather do than please him. To earn his rewards and caresses. Butterflies swirl in my stomach at the very thought of crawling for James and being at his beck and call.
What has this job done to us? It’s wild. I’m selling my body to strangers and living out other people’s kinks, James is sharing me. We are making more money than we’ve ever earnt and now James might become my Dom? This is more than I could ever have imagined.
