Page 86 of Awakening
As we all lay in the afterglow of sexual bliss and comfortable silence, I knew I was never going back to ordinary again, because we created a safe space for each other to experience love, pleasure, and adoration.
Eyes Wide Open
Therapy was becoming a place where I was learning to breathe again. Not comfort exactly, but just enough air to inhale, to speak, to let some of the weight fall off my shoulders and melt into the couch beneath me.
We were back from Bora Bora, but a part of me still carried the warmth of the island in my chest. I needed it today. Sitting in this familiar circle of family with my mother, Lena, DJ, and David Sr, I could feel something brewing. Not tension, not anymore at least. This was something closer to anticipation, or maybe healing on the verge of blooming.
Dr. Temple had just given us a minor assignment, one where each of us shared one thing we’d noticed changing over the past few weeks. DJ went first, sharing how surreal and beautiful it felt to have a big sister now, especially one who cursed too much but could also beat him in drone simulations. Lena spoke of how her health was improving since the transplant and how she looked forward to lifelong moments with her siblings. Kimberly, my mother, spoke softly about making space for guilt without letting it dictate her motherhood.
And then it was my turn.
I looked at each of them, then landed on her—Kimberly, inhaling deeply with the words warm on my tongue, “Can I call you… Mom?”
The room shifted, as if the air itself hadsoftened.
Her hand flew to her mouth, and tears pooled instantly in her eyes. “Ajaih,” she whispered.
“I didn’t think I ever would, but I don’t know. I feel like you’re doing the work to be a part of my life on my terms within my comfort zone, and I see you. You’re here. I feel your presence even when it’s uncomfortable. This is not me saying everything’s perfect, but it’s me saying I love you and I want you to know that I want you here as much as you want to be here.”
Her tears broke free, and she leaned over, taking my hand in hers. “I never thought I’d deserve that from you,” she said, voice cracking. “But hearing it? It’s the biggest gift you could’ve given me.”
DJ sniffled and pretended to fix his shoe, and Lena just reached for the tissue box and passed it around like we were on rotation. David Sr wiped his own eyes behind his glasses and smiled with that warmth I used to think I’d never get from a man I wasn’t raised by.
Then came a knock on the door. It creaked open, and two familiar faces peeked in.
Knox looked confidence in motion in a rust-toned button-down and black slacks, Maverick, soft-eyed and broad-shouldered in a sage green Henley. They both gave a quick nod to the room, warm and respectful.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Maverick said gently, “We were invited… just wanted to be sure it was okay.”
Dr. Temple welcomed them in, and suddenly, I knew it was time.
Taking a slow but deep breath, “So, uhhh there’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you all,” I began, my fingers nervously threading together in my lap.
Knox sat beside me, quietly lacing his fingers throughmine, Maverick taking the seat on my other side, hand on my back, steadying me, giving me the reassurance and confidence to break free.
“I’m in a relationship,” I said, watching the words fall into the room, “With both of them.”
Silence.
I pressed on, “It’s polyamorous, and Knox and Maverick are also lovers. I love them, I’m in love with them, and I love them with every part of me. I was terrified to tell you because, well, I wasn’t sure if we were the kind of family that talks about this stuff without raising voices or eyebrows.”
The pause was a vacuum. I braced myself.
And then David Sr, the pastor, the man of the cloth who stood in front of a congregation and preached the word of God, leaned forward, eyes kind and clear, “Ajaih,” he said, voice warm, “if you’re loved, respected, and honored in your relationship, what’s there for me to judge?”
I blinked.
He continued, “You’ve walked through fire to get where you are. The way these men are looking at you right now? That’s favor. So, if they honor you like that? I can’t do anything but honor them, too.”
My mouth dropped open a little. Maverick smiled, clearly relieved, while Knox gave a slow nod of gratitude.
Kimberly, I mean my…Mom chimed in next, her tone tentative but curious, “Is it hard? Balancing love like that?”
I chuckled through the lump in my throat, “It’s work, but the joy, the comfort, the chaos, it’s everything, in addition to the space they’ve created for me to exist fully.”
She gave a slight nod and said, “Well, from what I can tell, you’ve always marched to the beat of your own drum,and now it makes sense.”
We all laughed because nothing about me was traditional; I lived in the lines of unconventionality. DJ rolled his eyes dramatically, “I just hope I never walk in on y’all being everything.”
