Page 82 of Until We Burn
“You’re still inside of me.”
My eyes widen.“Jesus,that’s right. Sorry.”
I lift her off me. We clean each other up before I drive us out of the parkade.
Autumn leaves drop and scatter across the hood of the car. Gray skies flash over us, bright and startling against the darkness we’ve been fucking around in.
Diana’s touch still lingers on me; it’s imprinted all over my skin now. It marks my bones, and shapes my thoughts until I swear I’m entirely consumed by her.
My hands grip the steering wheel tight.
The rules are meant to keep us safe from our own impulses.
But all I want to do is break them.
CHAPTER 35
DIANA
There’s only so muchan orgasm and a toasted avocado bagel can do, yet neither of them are capable of stopping the panic that thrums beneath me like a frayed wire.
I should be in class taking notes on the lecture like a good student. Instead, I’m having lunch at the Indigo café after having my good senses fucked out in Kai’s car.
I warily eye the café. It’s a little coral-blue nook tucked in the corner of the bookstore. Slow jazz music croons from the speakers. Chipped wooden countertops hoist towering coffee bean dispensers and rows upon rows of sandwiches and baked goods. A decorative trellis of leaves and lilacs slightly shrouds our table.
Luckily, no one else is dining here, so Kai and I can take our time eating without worrying about getting caught.
At least, that’s what I tell myself. But my pinky still hooks around my mask in anticipation.
Kai, on the other hand, is hardly paying attention.
His brows furrow as he concentrates on squeezing the little hot sauce packet onto his sandwich. Watching him handle something so small with so much caremakes me soft.
God, Diana. He’s literally just adding a condiment onto his sandwich. Get it together.
On the night of the Wing and Flame, I told Kai that my feelings toward him have changed, and I have to stay true to that, even if it was purely a lie I told to make sure this would be simple, uncomplicated sex for stress relief.
“Oh, putain de merde—”Kai scowls at the giant glob of sriracha he squeezes out. Some of it splatters over his thumb.
I snort behind my hand. Kai catches me. His scowl winds into an exasperated smile before he playfully bumps my foot under the table.
Tension and guilt unwind from my every limb. I relax into my seat, taking the last bite of my bagel.
Then the thought hits me.
“You were walking through the orange tunnels.” Kai only goes through them if he’s having a rough day. “Did something happen at practice?”
The playfulness on Kai’s face darkens. He swallows a bite of his sandwich and drops it down. “It was nothing much, really. Just stressing about getting signed.”
I can tell there’s another stressor he’s not telling me. But I can’t put my finger on what it is. All I can point to is the question that’s been lingering in my head for a while.
“It’s been three years since the rumor spread, Kai. People’s opinions still haven’t changed. You play too well, they think you’re doping. You play badly, they think you’re doping.” I fiddle with my thumbs. “Why can’t you just…play the game? Why do you keep trying to convince everyone that you’re an honest player?”
“I’ve tried.” Kai slumps back in his chair with a defeated frown. “When I try to forget about changing their minds, there’s this little voice that says if I give up on this now, how can I possibly handle all of the pressure and expectations that come with playing in the NHL?”
I open my mouth to answer, but the words don’t come because I know I’m not any better. Isn’t that what I think I have to endure? All of bàba’s mind games and expectations just so I can feel like I deserved to win the CEO vote?
Kai’s gaze takes on a distracted, untethered look. It’s the sameexpression he had when he got the phone call at Granville Island. He’s gradually getting lost in thought, toeing the cusp of spiraling into his anxiety.
