Page 161 of Until We Burn
CHAPTER 64
DIANA
“Happy birthday, Diana!”
Cheers erupt as champagne glasses clink together. I force a smile before I take a small sip. The bubbles leave a sour aftertaste that has my stomach roiling and churning. Despite the number of people sitting at the table, no one notices.
The restaurant lights are dimmed with only smoldering candlelight and hazy gold sconces flickering on the beige walls. They glow over butter and caviar dishes, and plates of pasta and salad that I have no appetite for.
“Did you all hear about the embezzlement case with Stanton Rhodes?” Hassan Desai asks.
Bàba dabs a napkin over his mouth with a disgruntled groan. “I heard about it just before dinner. Explains why downtown is more clogged than usual. He’s supposedly hiding out at the Fairmont and now reporters are swarming like flies down there.”
“You’d think Hollywood actors would make enough without having to stoop to crime,”
Mama snivels.
“It’s the damn economy,” Another man gripes, “The last time I checked, the interest rates…”
My fingers rub the sore ache pulsing behind my eyes. The conversation at the table clamors on with names being dropped and statistics being thrown around that I can feel a deadweight press down on me, draining my willingness to care about anything they’re saying.
All I can think about is what it would’ve been like if I was turning twenty-one with Kai at my side.
I know he’d have a little party for me at the apartment. Luke would force the boys to wear birthday hats, and Rowan would be the one begrudgingly delivering the cake with Stella. With his arm around my waist, Kai would pull me close just to say, “Blink twice if you want me todo youduring any point of the night.”
Stella nudges my hand, jolting me out of my head. She frowns. Her brows knit together in concern. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” I lie. “Just a little tired.”
“Hey, there it is!”
A flash of light suddenly erupts in the corner of my eye. A waitress delivers a mint chocolate cake lit with sparklers to a young couple sitting by the corner.
The sparklers twinkle and shimmer in front of them like a thousand bursting stars.
“Adam.” The girl sniffles and laughs into her hands. “Honey, this is too much.”
Adam smiles and kisses her cheek. “Happy anniversary, sweetie.”
They’re only in their mid-twenties, but I know these won’t be the last sparklers they light up. They’ll have them burning for every birthday, accomplishment, and milestone, because their life together will keep on moving through stillness and chaos.
I look away from them to glance around the room I’m sitting in. Cold rain beats down the windows, as the bleak conversation at the table drones on.
I feel like a ship that’s come to a grinding halt in the middle of the sea. The waves are rolling all around me, passing and hurtling by while I’m anchored in place, watching life trail on with no hopes of moving forward.
The candle on the table flickers brighter. It carries memories sofamiliar and vivid, I shut my eyes from it. But I can still see it all: bonfires burning on an autumn night, moonlight glinting through Kai’s green eyes as he smiles back at me, our hands twined together while we sneak away from the Wing and Flame; Kai’s laughter radiating across the walls of the steaming shower; his arms holding me together as I fall apart in the bookstore; the sunlight seeping through his car on those early morning drives to the hockey club; trying to study to the sound of Christmas music and the boys arguing about fifty-cent tinsel; running out of Levels with a tattered dress, and wild laughter bursting from my lips.
My heart pounds with a joy I haven’t felt in so long.
The sound of pouring rain blasts back in. It’s a dull, monotonous noise like the voices around me.
“I’m just saying, if you take a look at the financial reports the CRA published…”
My fingers slacken, the knife and fork clattering out of my grasp.
I can’t do this. I’m sick of fulfilling duties that make everyone else around me proud while I’m sinking inside.
I don’t want to be a part of the HMG anymore.
