Page 20 of Change My Mind
Before I could, he swallowed his mouthful and answered, “Mostly, I did it because it was an activity that seemed like it would impress my dad. It requires a certain level of discipline that I thought he would appreciate. I mean, I liked it. There is a peace that comes from being underwater like that, and it’s an exercise in teaching yourself to stay calm even when your circumstances feel dire. But I tried again after my mum passed, and I became very aware of all the water that was pressing down on my body and how insignificant we allare, and I panicked. Thankfully, I wasn’t that far below the surface, but yeah. I’ve not gone near water since.”
“You’ve not been in any water? Not even a pool?”
He shook his head. “I took up yoga instead. Oh, I’ll send you the link to that place I’ve been going to if you ever want to try it out.”
I chewed my crust slowly, sensing that he was done talking about this, and that was fine with me.
“Yeah, that would be good, thanks. I know you joked yesterday that you hadn’t secretly befriended Clara, but she’s a swimmer. So if you ever wanted to get back in the water, she’d probably be more than happy to be there for you.”
He smiled around his pizza slice. “So you didn’t kill her then?”
I laughed. “I never said I was going to kill her. Just give her a piece of my mind, which I did. So yes, she is available.”
“I’ll think about it,” he said as he pushed himself up to stand, pizza slice consumed and mug in hand. He nodded at my mug on the floor. “You need a refill?”
“Yeah, that would be nice, thanks.”
I handed him the mug, and he disappeared into the kitchen.
Fifteen
ADDIE
If you told fifteen-year-old me that I would be in what some might call a routine with the worst boy to ever exist in my universe, I would have punched you in the face.
But at nearly thirty, that is what Eli and I had.
A routine.
We had breakfast together. Usually in near silence because neither of us were really morning people. He would then go to Vivi’s, and I would think about whether there was any way to jazz up the age-old argument of Ophelia only existing in Hamlet for the male characters. I would eat lunch at some point in the early afternoon, then think about how Rosalie was fucked over.
Then, the afternoon quiz shows would start, and I would be horrified when I got a question wrong, while in the back of my mind, I thought about Viola and Katherina and how they were the basis for two great modern-day film characters.
By which point, it was dinnertime, and I buried my imposter syndrome about cooking for a chef and made usdinner. We’d talk about our days, watch one episode ofSight Unseenand then go to our respective bedrooms. Rinse and repeat.
For the last two weeks.
In a change to the routine, Lucy and I were finally checking out the hot yoga place Eli had recommended.
“Why did I agree to this?” Lucy asked. She was sitting on the floor in the reception area outside one of the yoga studios, eyes closed, head tilted back to rest against the window behind her. It was a good question. I had sent out a blanket invite to all the girls. Clara didn’t want to wake up that early, Rachel had a long run to do (she seemed to always be training for marathons. She tried to get the rest of us to sign up for them, but so far, I didn’t think she’d been successful) and Becky didn’t answer. For some reason, Lucy said yes. Maybe she drew the short straw.
“How is this different to rock climbing?”
Lucy blinked an eye open. “I like rock climbing. I amgoodat rock climbing. I am not good at yoga.”
“Pretty sure a yoga practice meets you where you are. Good or bad.”
“My hamstrings are not built for yoga,” she offered.
“That’s because of all that rock climbing.”
Both Lucy’s eyes opened to glare at me before they softened into something like recognition as she looked beyond me. “Isn’t that your Eli?”
My head snapped in that direction, following her line of sight.
Sure enough, Eli was there. Black yoga mat rolled up under his arm. Black shorts that hit mid-thigh, showing off some truly impressive calves and hamstrings. A black vest top with arm holes so large, I could almost see his hip bones, which I chose to focus on more than the cut of his obliques.
I guess this was one of the places he went once he walked out of our front door.
