Page 1 of Looks Real Good Now
1
Liam
The last time I saw Alana Fitzpatrick was the morning of our high school prom.
Before I could muster up the courage to ask her to be my date, Teddy informed me that I would be going with one of the cheerleader twins. Lenny hadn’t been all that bothered by the whole thing when I told her, so I assumed she was fine with the idea of going to the prom on her own. She wouldn’t have been onher ownbecause even though we were saying we had dates, we would have all hung out in a big group. But she also wouldn’t have an official date, and I didn’t want her to be caught off guard by it.
Her indifference to the whole thing made much more sense when I discovered that by the morning of our prom, she knew she was leaving the state before we officially finished senior year.
How she managed to get out of a graduation ceremony where she was our year’s valedictorian, I never found out. But she managed it, and so, with no warning, I had to spend the last few weeks of my high school career explaining that no, I didn’t know where my best friend had gone and pretend that I wasn’t dyinginside.
I’d had a mostly great high school career. My senior year was the cherry on top of that particular sundae, but whenever I thought back to those years, I could only remember two things: one, was how good it felt to put a trophy in the high school trophy cabinet, and the second was the look of surprise on Lenny’s mom, Stassie’s, face when I’d called to check on her after prom had finished and she realised she was going to be the one to tell me that Alana had already gone to Michigan for college.
Michigan.
I hadn’t even realised that she had applied to UoM, let alone been accepted and chosen to go.
Suddenly, the future that I had planned was a blank page and I had to figure out how to be a person without Lenny doing life right by my side.
Twelve years ago, I said ‘See you later’ to my best friend not knowing that I wouldn’t see her again. A feat that was especially impressive because I moved to the same city she’d fled to four years ago. I had put a lot of work into avoiding running into a woman who had cut herself cleanly out of her own life. I could only assume that she put equal effort into avoiding me because my arrival in Detroit wasn’t exactly a secret.
I wouldn’t have thought it to be true, given how much time had passed, but it turned out that I could still pick her out in a crowd. I still knew the exact slope of her shoulders, the cut of her jaw, and the way it led into her long neck. That one curl at the nape that never stayed tied up after she singed it off when we were thirteen because she thought having straight hair would make her less of a target to the taunts of teenage girls. I couldspot the silver ring she started wearing on her thumb when we were fifteen from a mile off because she was always losing it, and I was always finding it. I couldn’t help but wonder if she was still doing the former and who was now doing the latter.
I hadn’t seen my best friend for twelve years and now we were both standing there, facing each other, in Detroit Metropolitan Airport two weeks before Christmas.
2
Alana
It’s one of those rare yes or no questions that has a right and wrong answer, and the right answer is always ‘yes’.
If you had asked me this time last year if I would say yes when my boyfriend of eight years, Kai, asked me to marry him, I would have said,“Of course I would.”Heck, if you asked me the morning he proposed, I would have said the same. We had already built a life together, so marriage was the natural next step.
It never would have occurred to me to say no. Or, more accurately, to not say anything at all. But an awkward silence is just as much of an answer as an outright ‘no’.
It had been two months since that night, and I kept seeing Kai’s face. The love, joy, and hope shining in his eyes as he dropped onto one knee and opened the small, velvet box. The glance he gave the ring, the perfect ring if I was being honest, before he cast those hopeful eyes back at me. The choked-up way he had asked the question.
“Alana Fitzpatrick, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?”
I could still hear the collective inhale from his family and our friends that they held in preparation to let out a cheer. A celebration. But I was a touch too slow. The silence went on a fraction too long.
The collective breath was released slowly, instead. The hopeful look in Kai’s eyes died a slow death. I tried to claw it back. I tried to say something,anything, but I couldn’t find the words. The box snapped shut. Kai pushed back up to his feet and for the first time in a long time, I felt small.
It should have been the easiest yes of my life and yet it wasn’t even close. I have a lot of regrets about that night, but not saying yes isn’t one of them.
Which is why I now found myself at Metropolitan Airport waiting for a flight to New York. My initial plans had been to spend two weeks in Aspen with Kai’s family, which died the moment I left him high and dry on one knee. So, I was faced with a choice. I could either spend the holidays alone or I could go home. I chose home.
“Lenny?”
I had been so in my head that I zoned out of my surroundings, but that voice pulled me back. The grinding of beans and the buzz of conversation around me came back into focus. I knew that voice. I knew that name too. It was mine, but only to one person. Someone I had done a very good job of physically avoiding for over twelve years.
But when I turned around and set my eyes on him, standing there looking larger than life against the red airport cafe backdrop, I couldn’t quite remember why I left Liam Mulligan behind.
3
Alana
“Muller.” The old nickname rolled off my tongue like it was second nature. Once upon a time, it was. I saw his eyes brighten and then I noticed him holding the coffee with ‘Alana’ written on the side. I hadn’t heard the barista call my name.
