Page 128 of Burnout
“Yeah. I’ll be here. I was hoping we could talk.”
My pulse picks up speed. “About what?”
“I, uh…after would be better. I think.”
“Tell me now.” I can’t wait another hour to hear what he has to say. I’ll drive myself crazy.
“It’s no big deal. Go focus on kicking ass.” He tries to smile but it isn’t at all convincing.
“Knox?”
His lips fall into a thin, straight line and his jaw tightens. If he’s worried about hurting me worse than he has, I don’t think that’s possible.
“Avery.” Coach Weaver calls my name. We’re about to move to our third rotation and I really need to rejoin my team.
“Just tell me, Knox. It’s okay. Whatever it is. I’ll be fine.”
“I love you,” he blurts out, then squeezes his eyes shut. “Fuck. Wait. No. That’s not right.”
Everything around me seems to move slowly as my brain processes his words and the adorably frustrated look on his face. “So, you don’t love me?”
“No, I do. It’s…Dammit. I’m fucking this up. I had a whole speech.”
My heart pounds in my chest and I fight a smile.
“I’m sorry for being a coward. I should have told you how I felt sooner, but I didn’t think it mattered. Maybe it doesn’t now. I wouldn’t blame you if it’s all too little too late, but I couldn’t leave without telling you. I love you, Avery. You are the most impressive person I’ve ever met. You’re beautiful and smart, and so talented. You work harder than anyone I know, chasing your dreams, and yet you still always have time to help everyone else with theirs too. There’s nothing you wouldn’t do for the people you care about. Quinn, Colter, Hope, Flynn, me…” One corner of his mouth lifts. “It’s been a long time since I’ve let anyone in, but you didn’t give me any choice. You pushed and pried your way in just by being you, and I was a goner. Maybe I didn’t do a greatjob of showing you that I was already all yours, but I was. I still am. I want you to be mine. Not just when we’re in the same zip code, but all the time.”
He stares at me, waiting for a response. Adrenaline courses through me, and my heart feels like it’s going to beat its way out of my chest.
The announcer gives the lineup for the next event, and I know I need to go. There are so many things I want to say, but all I can do is hug him quickly like I’ve thought about doing all week. My eyes sting with tears and I let them spill over as I smile at him and take a backward step toward my team. “I have to go. I’ll find you as soon as it’s over.”
A flicker of worry and doubt creases his forehead, and he nods. I track him as I take my place on the floor, and he sits in the bleachers with Brogan and Hope. She waves at me, clearly excited to see I’m not out for the rest of the meet. She gives me a questioning thumbs-up as if to verify, and I return the gesture, making her smile grow bigger.
I cheer my teammates on during floor with a renewed spirit. I try not to glance up at Knox too often, but every time I do, he’s watching me. And as much as I try to push all distractions away, I keep hearing his words all over again. He loves me. Knox Holland loves me. I think I already knew that he did, but I never thought I’d hear him say it.
By the time we get to beam, I am an anxious, excited ball of energy. I feel like I’ve been waiting to do this routine for years. I’m the anchor today, so I have to stand by and watch everyone else go ahead of me.
The other team is on vault, and they finish before us, so when I salute the judges, all eyes are on me.
I close my own eyes briefly and let out a breath, then I place my hands over the beam and pull myself up. As I do each skill, I have brief flashes of all the times Knox and I worked outtogether. What a pain in the ass he was, how much he pushed me, the way he was with Hope, and the ridiculously hot image of him shirtless and sweaty, muscles pumped from an hour of working hard.
I can’t pinpoint the exact moment I fell in love with him. It happened in all those moments, little bits at a time.
When I do the triple wolf turn, I can hear Hope screaming louder than anyone else. I go into my acro series next, side aerial layout stepout. I feel like I’m floating above myself watching. My chest lifts proudly and I smile bigger than I ever have. I never want to take this feeling for granted again. Up on the beam is my favorite place to be and I know that every opportunity is a gift.
I land my leaps cleanly, no wobbles on my turns, and my dance movements are graceful. Hours of practice and it all came together. The only thing that’s left is my dismount. I test my ankle as I lift my left foot and point. Only a small ache is left, thankfully. I want to do this, but not at the expense of the rest of the season.
I have practiced the new dismount for a couple of weeks now, landing it more often than not. But it’s always different in front of a crowd. I swallow the tiniest bit of doubt trying to throw me off and focus. Knox’s voice plays in my head.You’ve got this, princess.
Once I start the acro series toward the end of the beam, everything goes quiet. The doubt in my head and the crowd too. I don’t know if they really fall silent or if I just stop registering everything else, but when I explode off the end and go into the full twisting double tuck, I swear there’s an audible collective intake of breath in the gym.
My feet land on the mat, my chest a little lower than some of my practices, but I quickly stand, snapping my feet together, and throw my hands over my head.
The silence lingers a second longer and then noise explodes around me. My Valley U teammates scream my name, and the crowd cheers and claps loudly. I jog off toward Coach Weaver. She has a relieved expression on her face as I throw my arms around her.
“Thank you for believing in me,” I say as I squeeze her so tightly she struggles to respond.
“Good job, Avery.”
