Page 116 of Burnout
I want to say yes, but I know there isn’t anything she can do, and it’s not like I’m going to be any fun. Flynn needs me and that’s all I can focus on.
“No, that’s okay. I’m just going to grab his stuff and come back for the night. I’m sorry to bail on our plans.”
“No, of course. You should be with him.” We stop at her Bronco.
“Is he going to be able to pitch again?” I ask her. She’s the only person I trust for the answer. She’s been through this. Not this exactly, but she had a traumatic injury and came back from it. If she says Flynn can too, then I’ll believe her.
“I don’t know,” she says and some of that hope disappears into a puddle at my feet. She takes my hand and then links our pinky fingers. “But if he’s as stubborn as his big brother, then I think there’s a good chance.”
My lungs expand to take in a deep breath, but my chest still feels tight.
“Hey,” she says, swinging our joined hands. “I don’t have anywhere to be the rest of the night. I could pick us up some food and meet you back here, keep you company.”
My lips curve up on one side. She has no idea how nice that sounds but sitting around the hospital while I take care of my baby brother isn’t exactly the night we had planned. “It’s okay. I’m probably not the greatest company right now and I know you have classes tomorrow.”
There’s a beat of hesitation before she replies, “If you change your mind or need anything, I won’t be far.”
I nod and she turns to open the door of her vehicle.
“Avery.” My voice is low, but she stops and flicks her gaze over her shoulder to me. “Thanks for being here.”
THIRTY-NINE
Knox texts on Thursday,thanking me again for being there last night and letting me know that Flynn was home. He didn’t ask me to come over or mention his upcoming departure. I offered to bring food or help play nurse, but he just told me they had it covered. That was it.
I know he’s dealing with a lot, but I want to be there for him. I want him to let me in, so I can take some of the weight off his shoulders.
Showing up unannounced doesn’t feel right either though, so I sent one more text offering whatever he needed if he changed his mind.
I can’t make him let me in or need me. And I can’t make him miss me the same way I miss him. He isn’t even gone yet, and I feel like I’ve lost him.
Sure, we’ve hung out this week, but he’s been distant since the moment I opened my big mouth and told him I wanted more than hookups when we happened to be in the same town.
I have my answer even if he didn’t say it explicitly. Suggesting we might occasionally be able to see each other after spending nearly every day together would be torture. It’s already torture. Ifell hard for him. Rough-edged and prickly Knox Holland has my heart, even if he’s tried to pass it back to me daily.
I’ve missed the idea of people before. Ex-boyfriends and crushes, great aunts that passed that I never really knew. But the way my chest aches thinking about never seeing Knox again is something I am entirely unfamiliar with.
In movies there’s always a scene where the heroine is brokenhearted or down on her luck. She eats tubs of ice cream and barricades herself in her room while wearing the same pair of sweats day after day.
I am an expert on throwing a pity party, but with everything that has happened to Flynn and Knox, I don’t see how I can feel all that sorry for myself. I’m healthy. I have parents that love me, and I can still do the thing I love most, even after an injury that should have stopped me.
So, I don’t cry or eat massive amounts of sugar, or reread every text Knox and I have ever sent and replay every moment we spent together. Okay, I am guilty of the last two, but that’s as far as I let it go. Then, I throw all my energy into training.
Or I’m trying to. I’m lying on the beam, staring up at the ceiling. It’s always been my favorite place, but today it isn’t soothing me like usual.
I shake my head to clear it and push myself into a stand. I have a brand-new dismount to work on and another meet in two weeks. If I had been looking for the perfect distraction, Coach Weaver gave it to me.
“Looking a little sleepy this morning, Ollie,” Tristan says as he struts past me.
My skin prickles with irritation and I swear I catch a grin on his face as I go into the first move of the routine.
The ache will still be there later, but for now I’m ready to get to work.
FORTY
“Flynn.”I knock on his bedroom door as I call his name.
“He hasn’t come out since we got home from class an hour ago,” Brogan says from the couch where he and Archer appear to be giving the video games a rest and are actually doing homework.
