Page 110 of Wildcat
I wanted Rhyse to blow up his life to make room for me, and he didn’t. Now Leo is doing just that and I broke up with him to stop him. Rhyse wasn’t wrong. Maybe I just didn’t love him enough to realize what I was asking of him.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
“You’re sorry?” Full lips exhale with a long breath. “I’m the idiot that let you walk away.”
“I understand better now why you made the choices you did. I hope you let yourself have everything you want.”
“Yeah. Me too.” He runs a hand along his jaw.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Anything.”
“Why now? You’ve spent years letting other people dictate your life. What’s changed?”
He’s quiet for a beat. The leather of his jacket creaks as he rubs at the back of his neck. “I don’t know. I probably should have done it years ago, but I was winning.” He chuckles quietly. “Am winning. I’m having the best season of my life. I’m on track to beat my dad’s record.”
“I heard, or I read. Congratulations.”
“Yeah, thanks.”
Beating his dad’s record and proving himself consumed Rhyse while we were together. I doubt that’s changed. I think he has a long way to go before he has complete control of his life, and that makes me sad for him.
“It won’t be enough,” he says. “I know that now. It won’t bring him back. Won’t change anything.” He stands abruptly and pulls an envelope from his back pocket. “Take care of yourself, Scarlett.”
The folded manilla envelope is heavy in my hands. “You too.”
I walk him to the door, and we hug awkwardly. He steps out onto the porch and then faces me one last time, lifts a hand in a small wave, and jogs to the waiting car.
I spend the rest of the day eating my feelings and watching sappy movies. And avoiding opening the envelope from Rhyse.
At dinner, Dad tugs on the end of one braid, but he doesn’t say a word about Leo. The team is leaving tomorrow for an away game, and I’m hoping the distance makes my heart hurt less. There’s something about being so close and not talking to him that makes it that much more brutal.
Later, I lie in bed and scroll through all the photos I’ve taken since I’ve been back. Friends, pets, businesses, landscapes. I’ve taken so many. Lots of them really good. But the one I fall asleep staring at is of Leo on the beach. The lighting isn’t perfect, and I didn’t center him in the frame. It isn’t even close to being the best photo I’ve taken, but the man inside of the imperfect picture smiles at the camera, at me, exactly like I always wanted someone to see me.
Jade wanted him to fuck me back on my feet. He did so much more than that.
39
B.S.
LEO
I arriveat the plane anxious to get out of town and play some hockey.
Jack falls in next to me as we walk out to the plane. We’re heading to New York for a game tonight. My captain’s face asks all the questions before he opens his mouth.
“My head is on straight,” I tell him.
“Everything worked out then?”
I consider lying, but the sardonic laugh that escapes my mouth wouldn’t make it very believable anyway. “No, everything didn’t work out.”
“You and Scarlett…” He treads carefully.
“She ended things.” My voice sounds scarily calm for the rage warring inside of me.
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
