Page 123 of Broken Hearts
She stops in the center of the ice. Her chest rises and falls as she catches her breath. She places her hands on top of her head and scans the arena like she’s memorizing it.
Fuck, I missed her. I missed the way everything feels better when she’s nearby. I thought I was relying too much on her, like she was a drug that I couldn’t live without. I was so scared that staying would destroy us both. But the truth is, I can live without her. And she can live without me.
We were both doing just fine on our own two months ago. I don’t want to be fine. I want to know that I have a partner that will let me lean on her when life kicks me in the teeth. And the same for her. I want to be her person and kick life in the teeth when it tries to mess with her.
Slowly, I walk toward the plexiglass. Seconds or minutes pass as she stands there center ice taking it all in.
The click of the gate catches her attention and her eyes widen slightly when I step out. It’s the only indication that I’ve caught her by surprise.
“Rhett.” My name out of her mouth sets every part of me on fire.
“I thought I’d find you here.”
“Habit.” She still hasn’t moved. “You’re back.”
I go to her. “Yeah, I’m back.”
“How are you? I mean… did you do what you needed to?”
“Truthfully? I’m not sure. I’m still a little lost.”
“I get that.”
“Some days I feel like I dreamed the whole thing. I feel guilty and sad. I’m pissed at myself and at the world. I’m even pissed at Carrie which I realize makes me sound like the worst possible asshole.”
“You’re not an asshole.”
“I’m going to try my hardest not to be, but I’m still figuring out how to move forward. Basically, I’m a mess but I want to be here with you.”
“But you said—”
“I was wrong. You were trying to tell me that it was okay to unload on you and I couldn’t bring myself to believe it. Everything is better with you. And that isn’t me not dealing, that’s just the honest truth.”
“I know you think I’m broken, that my heart makes me weak, but it doesn’t. I can handle it.”
“I don’t think that. I never thought that. I didn’t leave because I thought you weren’t strong enough. I left because I wasn’t sure I was. You are the strongest chick I know. The strongest person I know. Your heart isn’t broken.You’renot broken. I hate that I ever made you question that.”
“When people get close to me they realize one of two things: that there’s a good chance that I might die or they internalize it and realize they’re not bulletproof either. Which are you?”
“I’m both. I can survive a lot of things, but not living without you.”
She blows out a breath and a small smile curves her mouth. “Wow. You should disappear more often.”
“I had some help getting there,” I say, then add. “Elias came to see me.”
“He did?”
“He’s a good friend. I’m glad you have him. You’re his rock. Turns out, you’re mine too.”
“I don’t know what to say. You caught me off guard.” She wraps her arms around her middle, keeping her distance.
It stings even though I knew it was a real possibility she’d tell me to eat mud. I was hoping her response would be an enthusiastic yes and then lots of kissing. I’ve missed kissing her and holding her.
“This is all so sudden. Maybe I could have some time to think about it?”
Damn. I really fucked this up. I nod slowly. “Of course. I know how much you hate surprises, but I needed to see you as soon as I got back.”
“I’ll text you.”
