Page 81 of Electric Blue Love
Moving on, the last thing in the folder was a white envelope, the seal left unglued. Inside were a stack of photos. A young man and woman stared up at me and I flipped over the photo to see the names, but I already knew – it was my mother who stared up at me, a wide smile on her lips as she leaned into Callahan Sterling.
The next several photos were just of her – a school picture where she gave a forced, half-smile, a picture of her in a cheerleading outfit holding red and white pom-poms high over her head, and last, a picture of her with closed eyes and pursed lips tilted up like she’d been about to kiss the person holding the camera.
I wondered, not for the first time, what had happened – what circumstances brought her from a smiling cheerleader to an addict that couldn’t stay clean to care for her own child. Was it possible she’d always been both?
I stepped away from the counter and shoved both hands into my hair. My head roared, and I hated that my quest for revenge had turned into something that was twisting and turning my insides. I cared about the answers to the questions screaming in my head. I wanted to know, and man did that fucking sting.
I snatched my cell off the coffee table in the living room and dialed the number – the digits never called but memorized like I’d dialed them a million times. He answered on the third ring, his polite but curt hello only further grating my nerves.
“Why did you abandon her?”
He was quiet for a moment, but I didn’t fill the silence to ease the tension.
“She was an addict. She couldn’t have been reasoned with. We were young, and it wasn’t the kind of thing people did, especially in my family.”
I noted his word choice. She couldn’thave beenreasoned with. Not she couldn’t be – he hadn’t even tried. He was a coward. Had been then and still was. I’d heard everything I needed to know. He couldn’t give me any answers that would fill me with peace. I was going to have to find it on my own. Without him. It was time to let go of any hatred or hope toward him because they were hard to separate. The only way to ease my hatred had become to hope for something different. And I didn’t want to expect or receive anything from him.
He must have taken my continued silence as my desire for him to tell me more and he spoke again. “Cassie wasn’t welcome after my parents found out,” his voice cracked, “neither of you would have been welcome. It was better this way.”
A heavy silence crackled between us.
“Are you still there?” he asked, and I nodded several times before I answered.
“Yeah, I’m here. I’ll sign your agreement, but I don’t want a dime of your money.”
“I don’t understand. What is it that you do want?”
“I want you to help Bianca’s mom.”
“That’s not up to me.”
“Why? Why did they request a transfer?”
He let out a long breath. “I asked Bianca to help me find you, so I could reason with you, get you to sign the non-disclosure.”
Time stood still as my decisions and their implications flashed before me. Hadn’t this been what Bianca wanted? What her whole family wanted? What difference was it how it all came together? The important thing was that she got the care.
Then another thought occurred to me. Had Bianca’s family transferred out of loyalty to me? That didn’t seem right. Bianca had been very clear that she would do whatever was necessary. Yet, I couldn’t come up with another reason she’d give up the very thing she’d wanted more than anything just because I’d had a hand in making sure it happened.
“Are you really as good as everyone says?”
“I’m sorry?” His voice was taken back and confused.
“I’ve read all the PR bullshit about thegreat Dr. Sterling. World renowned, a pioneer…” my voice trailed off. I sat and let my head fall forward. “I’ve seen the write ups and the awards, but I’m asking you. Are you really that good or is it all just talk?”
“I’m good. Probably the best. The best on this side of the country anyway. I’ve devoted everything to my career.”
I ran my hand through my hair and tugged at the ends making my scalp tingle. “Then don’t transfer her. I’ll talk with the Winters family. Don’t do anything until I’ve had a chance to speak with them.”
I must have stunned him into silence.
“Do we have a deal?”
“She means that much to you?”
“Do we have a deal?” I gritted out.
“Yes, we have a deal. I’ll send over an updated agreement this week.”
