Page 61 of Electric Blue Love
She took a few steps backward, watching me with a coy smile before she turned and hurried to catch up with her family.
Isat onmy bed replaying the whole weekend to Tasha when my phone lit up with a text from Court. The gleam in her eyes and wide smile rivaled mine and that was saying something.
“What’s it say?”
Court: Did you make it back safe, 8B?
“So, are you two like dating now? How did you leave it?”
I groaned. “We didn’t talk about it. I have no idea how to act, what to say. Am I supposed to go on pretending like this is all part of a game to get Todd?”
I hadn’t even thought of Todd while I’d been gone. He hadn’t reached out and I’d been too preoccupied to lament about it. I suppose it was just par for the course. That was always how our relationship had been. A few sparse texts, mostly on the weekends. It wasn’t unusual for us to go days or even weeks without talking.
Also, if I was honest, time in New York had given me time to distance myself from Todd and the up and down guessing games, outright exhaustion that our whatever friendship/relationship was. Maybe there’d been a reason we hadn’t come together on our own. Something that had nothing to do with my not putting myself out there and everything to do with me forcing something that just wasn’t meant to be.
“I think that ship has sailed. Just talk to him.” She stood to leave, stopping at the door and turning back. “It sounds like a pretty nice weekend. Any chance it helped sway your decision to move to New York?”
“Yeah,” I said thinking back to the way Court looked shirtless and cooking in his kitchen. “It really was, but I don’t think it’s going anywhere. He doesn’t do relationships and besides I really want to make this decision for me – for my family. Court, Todd, men – they aren’t certain, but my family has always been there for me.”
She nodded. “Do me a favor?”
“Anything.”
My phone beeped with another text message.
As if on cue, she pointed to the phone at the end of my bed. “Don’t be so quick to discount this one. I like Court. Maybe he’s the guy for you, maybe he’s not, but at least communicate with him and hear what he has to say before you write him off. Even if you stay, maybe it could work. I mean it’s worked for you two so far.”
I nodded, and she gave me a small smile before closing the door behind her.
Court: I’ll be up until I know you’re safe so just text me whenever you can.
Me: I’m back, safe and sound. Thanks for this weekend. It was special.
Court: I’m not sure anyone has ever thanked me for sex before. Saying you’re welcome makes me feel like a giant douche.
Court: You’re welcome
Me: What’s your week like? Traveling?
Court: Actually, I have to come back to CT at the end of the week. Can I see you?
Me: Yeah, I’d like that.
The week passedin a blur. I’d dialed back the number of texts I sent Court each day and he didn’t try to compensate or push me for more. I’d like to say I didn’t fixate over this because I was so busy, but that would have been a lie. Not that I wasn’t busy. Classes were insane, I’d met with my advisor twice about graduate school, and there’d been the obsessing over my decision for next year. Every spare second, though? Those seconds, minutes, and hours between sleep and activities? Those had been filled with Court. I was so keyed up by Thursday that Tasha forced me out of the house for a senior party. Todd texted to see if I’d be coming, but I couldn’t work up the same excitement about seeing him as I’d felt just two weeks before.
“I’m gonna go find Lance. You okay?” Tasha asked as we made a lap at the off-campus house party. Music blared from the speakers set up next to a window in the kitchen and people floated through the old home with plastic cups in their hands. Spring had finally made its way to Connecticut and the backyard was where everyone congregated.
“Yep,” I said finding Todd across the yard. He spotted me at the same time and we moved toward each other.
He smiled, big and cocky like he was genuinely happy to see me. I tried to force the same type of smile back at him, but it felt brittle and small.
“Hey, you look great,” he said letting his gaze fall over the pale-yellow dress and down to the flat sandals I wore. I’d forgone the attempt to dress like someone I thought he’d want and dressed in what I’d wanted. It felt good to have him like what he saw when it was just me, but his approval didn’t make my body hum like it did when Court complimented me.
“Thanks, you too.”
Grabbing my hand, he led me over to the keg and poured me a drink. We circled the party together and I tried to relax – enjoy the moment and not compare it –himto Court.
“Hey, Todd wanna play beer pong? We’re one short.” I recognized the girl as the same one he’d ditched me for only a few weeks ago and the snarky look she gave me told me that she remembered me too and didn’t see me as anymore of a threat now than she did that night.
