Page 21 of Electric Blue Love
“So, the men you’ve been with – why weren’t they the right ones for you? Why did it end?”
I hesitated. How much could I tell him without sounding utterly pathetic?
“It just wasn’t…”
“No judgment here. It just wasn’t what?”
“It wasn’t good, okay?” I placed a palm over my eyes and cringed as I forced myself to continue. “I’ve never, you know, gotten off during sex.”
“Never?” His voice was disbelieving.
“I mean I have by myself just not… oh my God this is humiliating,” I groaned.
“The only person that should be humiliated are the guys that failed to get you off.”
“Maybe it’s me.”
“Maybe it is.”
“Hey,” I chuckled. “I just meant maybe I’m holding back somehow. I need to get out of my head and just go for it, stop analyzing everything.”
“I’m in. Let’s do it.”
“Do what?” My voice trembled. I had no idea what I’d just talked him into.
“Let’s get you out of your head and ready for the real deal.”
“I –”
“Think of it as practice for what’s his face.”
“What exactly are you suggesting?”
“The same thing we’ve been doing, but we’ll spend more time talking like we’re in a real relationship instead of me just telling you what to do.”
“I dunno.”
“It worked for the sexting bit – you picked that up quickly with a little real-life practice.”
“That wasn’t real life.”
“Speak for yourself.” He chuckled.
I bit my lip and tried to come up with any reason why I should say no. The only thing that truly came to mind was Todd. What would he think if he knew I’d stooped to this level to get his attention? I trusted Court and I thought he was sincere in wanting to help me for some reason. What that reason was, I couldn’t fathom. There was no way he was hard pressed for women.
“See before I was telling you what to do, but the only feedback I got on how it went came from you. This way I’ll get to experience it authentically. I can steer you in the right direction or just give you some confidence that you’re doing it right.”
“So, I’m supposed to treat you like a guy I’m interested in?” I shook my head trying to wrap my brain around what it was he was asking for us to be. Was this strictly a virtual arrangement? He lived in NYC, so it wasn’t as if he was going to be close enough for real dates.
His deep laugh came through again and goosebumps spread over my skin. This older, handsome man wanted to do this… with me. I’d be a fool to say no even thoughIwas probably going to look like the fool with my inexperience and lack of knowledge.
“We’ll take it as it comes. No rules. I know that’ll be hard for you Miss Rules,” he said teasingly.
“Okay, I guess we could try it.”
“Yeah?” he sounded excited and that put butterflies in my stomach.
“Sure, I mean it can’t hurt to have the practice before I do it for real, right?”
