Page 15 of Electric Blue Love
I gave her a big smile, lips pulled up and teeth on display. Unease etched her features, but I ignored it.
Jeff wrapped an arm around her shoulder and I turned my attention to him. “So, you two are still together, huh? I figured you’d have gotten tired of her sassy mouth by now.” I lifted one finger from the hand cupped around the glass to point toward the two of them snuggled up together.
Leika looked embarrassed for a split second but turned the tables quickly back to me. “Maybe you should try spending more than one night with a woman before you start doling out relationship advice.”
I cringed a bit at her words. She was right, and I suddenly had a wave of guilt for the way I’d inserted myself into Bianca’s life. What the hell did I know about love or relationships? Too bad for her she hadn’t been sitting next to someone on that flight that had actually been in a real relationship.
“You alright man? She was just busting your balls. We know how hard you’re working, traveling all the time, working shit hours when you are in town. You’ll meet someone when the time is right.”
Leika rolled her eyes at him.
“I dunno. I’m not sure I’m cut out to be tied down.”
Leika reached across the table and grabbed my hand for only a second. A quick squeeze and then she pulled her hand back to her side. Physical contact like this between us was rare and I knew she was making an effort to make a point. “You are, or you will be when you meet the right woman.”
Leika knew my past better than anyone. Knew the abuse – physical and emotional that came from being bounced around through the formative years. Jeff had grown up with a happy childhood, but he seemed to understand where we came from. Or at least respected it. I might give them shit but it was amazing that they’d found each other. He was good for her and my big brother instincts knew he’d take care of her.
I’d been wrong to come here, though. I needed to be alone to remember who I was and why I lived my life the way I did. Leika wanted more for me and Bianca’s sweet innocence had triggered something that had me questioning if I was as happy with my life as I’d thought.
I waited for the first lull in conversation, which felt like an eternity even though the evening had been pleasant enough, to excuse myself. Downing the rest of my beer, I stood and tossed a twenty on the table. “Thanks for the drink and pep talk. I’m tired as shit. See you two later.”
I walked the two blocks from the bar to my apartment slowly. I hadn’t lied. I was exhausted, but I wasn’t ready to go home.
Home. The word didn’t mean much to me. It had never been a place for me and if it was, it wasn’t the safe, comforting haven that others associated with the word and place.
Maybe it was why I’d chosen a career where I traveled so much and why I preferred isolation to committed relationships. What could I possibly offer another human being?
I didn’t know the first thing about love or relationships, but I knew people and how to do what was necessary to get by. It was what made me good at analyzing risks for companies and it was what made me good at reading people like Todd.
I might not be able to find it for myself, but I needed to do everything I could to see that Bianca found hers. I had a feeling she deserved it and I wanted people like her, people like me, to come out on top for once.
I’d always beensecretly jealous of my friends who sexted with their boyfriends or random hook ups. In part, my jealousy was admiration. Regardless of the potentially damaging and incriminating things they sent or said, it took real guts to participate and to trust someone with that side of yourself.
Tasha said that I was reading too much into it that it was usually drunken messages that only half made sense and that the sender usually regretted it the next morning. She also suggested I clear my text history every night before bed, so I couldn’t punish myself with the damning evidence the next day. This was the part that gave me pause. What was the point of sexting if I wasn’t going to be able to live out the fantasy? I didn’t want to type up some racy message only to have it forgotten with the morning light.
It was for all of the above reasons that I hadn’t texted Todd back. Some part of me knew that once we started texting it would lead somewhere I wasn’t prepared. Also, Court had told me not to and I was beginning to trust his judgment.
Me: I need help texting.
Court: Looks like you’ve mastered it to me.
Me: You know what I mean – flirty stuff.
Court: You can’t even type the word. Baby steps.
Me: Sexting. I need help sexting.
Rubbing my palms down my legs, I waited for Court’s response. It didn’t come right away and as the seconds turned into a full five minutes, I panicked that I had taken this thing too far. Of course, this gorgeous man didn’t want to teach an inexperienced college kid the art of sending sexy text messages.
As I tossed the phone aside it finally beeped. Lunging, I grabbed the phone and squinted while I opened the message in case it was a full out rejection and Court was cutting ties and ending whatever weird mentorship thing we had going.
Court: Thinking of you…
The words were a blur as I scanned the attached photo. My mouth went dry and my entire body burned with a thousand fires. I was positive it was Court’s body even with the head purposely cropped out. This wasn’t the body of a twenty-two-year-old throwing back wings and beer every night. It was the body of a man who took care of himself and probably worked out more than my sporadic attempts once or twice a month.
It was only when my eyes drifted to the bed he was lying in did I remember it was after midnight. I seemed to have a knack for interrupting his sleep, but I couldn’t bring myself to care as I continued to stare at the photo.
Leaned back on his bed, Court laid on top of crumpled white sheets that provided the perfect backdrop to his naked torso. Abs that shouldn’t be real disappeared into grey sweat pants that were slung low on his hips. While the picture wasn’t provocative in itself, combined with his words and the bed… the whole thing had my body tingling like his message was meant only for me.
