Page 72 of Electric Blue Love
“So, you won’t help Bianca’s mother?”
“Todd’s girlfriend? That’s who you want me to help?”
I nodded and ground my back teeth.
He let out a long sigh. “What reassurances do I have you won’t do it anyway?”
“I guess you’ll just have to trust that I grew up to be a more honest man than you,” I muttered.
“How much do you want for your silence? Perhaps we can sit down with my lawyer and come up with an agreement.”
The insult didn’t land right away. He thought this was about a pay day? Why did rich people always think it was about money?
“You’re unbelievable. No,” I shook my head in disgust. “Fuck no.”
I started to walk away but turned back. The questions burned in the back of my throat and I gave in to the temptation. “One question. I get why you didn’t want me, but how could you abandon her? She needed you.”
The pain on his face twisted and contorted and he nodded solemnly. “She did. I failed her. She was sick. I didn’t know how to help her. I wanted to, but I didn’t know how.”
His pain transferred to me because I saw it now. I saw her through his eyes. And I wanted to ask if it was why he became a doctor and if he loved her. If he loved me, even for a moment. Instead, I gave him a resigned nod and walked away feeling Bianca’s lightness fade out completely and the heaviness of my life before her settle back in its place.
My phone pingedwith an incoming text alert and my heart… my stupid, stupid heart jumped with hope before I looked at the screen.
Tasha: How are you holding up? Anything I can do… text you knock knock jokes, fly out to see you?
I smiled at her consideration. Tasha was the only person I’d told, but since it was now Monday and I was missing classes it wasn’t going to be a secret for long. Not that many people would care enough to ask. Mostly I felt like I should have at least told Todd, but he’d want to call his uncle and I wasn’t ready for that. Todd adored his uncle. When he spoke of Dr. Callahan Sterling, his eyes shone and his face gleamed like being related to the world-renowned doctor made Todd a better person by genetics. As angry as I was at Dr. Sterling, I wasn’t prepared to pull the rug out from under Todd.
And I still hadn’t heard from Court. I knew he was hurting and I wondered how he’d left things with his father. Had he worked things out, gotten the closure he needed? The pit in my stomach said otherwise. So did the lack of text messages.
I pulled out the business card Todd had given me and ran my finger along the frayed edges. They were worn where I’d clutched it, agonizing over whether to call him or not. I’d meant what I’d said to Court, I’d always choose my mom but right now I couldn’t bring myself to call the doctor that had abandoned a man I cared for deeply. I was at an impasse.
After tucking the card back into my purse, I texted back a response to my best friend.
Me: I’m fine. You just worry about passing your art history final. I’ll be back late tomorrow night. Thank your father again for getting me a flight at the last minute.
Tasha: I will. Let me know if you need anything else. Xoxo
“Shouldn’t the doctor be here by now?” Donnie asked as he paced the tiny hospital room.
I shot him a look of annoyance and stole a peek at my mother. She’d looked sad the first day. A broken hip and a series of bruises along the entirety of her left side from the fall had scared us all into a realization that the time had come. The time where she’d no longer be able to get around like she had fought to for so long – despite all of our insistences that she find a job where she didn’t have to be on her feet so much.
Today, three days later, and hopefully the day she’d be released to go home, she just looked defeated. Like she had completely given up hope that she could live a normal life. The doctors had warned us years ago that depression was common, even to be expected, as her symptoms got worse and the disease progressed, but I was not prepared for the light and jubilance that was always present on my mother’s face to disappear. It was worse than any medical diagnosis. Her spirit was gone. She hadn’t even chastised me for flying home. Or for demanding that I would return to New York for good as soon as finals were over.
A short rap on the door drew my attention to it and the man entering. Dressed in the same white coat the rest of the doctors wore, it was his dark hair and eyes that made my breath catch. All eyes in the room turned to him at my sharp inhale.
“Good afternoon,” he said in a friendly tone as he strode to the hospital bed where my mother laid. “I’m Dr. Sterling. How are you?”
She looked first to me as if acknowledging that I had gotten him here and then braved a smile in his direction but spoke truthfully as she responded. “The emotional injuries are far worse than the external ones.”
He spoke softly. “Yes, I understand. It’s perfectly normal – not that you give a damn what’s normal or not.”
That pulled a real smile from her and even a bit of life returned to her eyes.
He offered her his hand and held it almost like he was shaking it but without movement. “I’m not sure how much your daughter has told you about me, but I’m a neurologist. I work with a number of people in all stages of the disease. I’ve had a chance to look over your chart and I think you’d be a great candidate for a new therapy we’ve been using with limited success. It wouldn’t be a cure, you understand, but could give you longer with your current level of motor skills and cognitive function.”
“And I could do the therapy here in New York?”
Dr. Sterling looked to me for the first time. His blank expression met the surprise in mine and then glanced back to my mother. “Yes, it’s twice a week here at the hospital. I’ll get weekly reports and I’ll be back at least once a month to see you personally and gauge your progress.”
