Page 65 of Electric Blue Love
Leika and I didn’t talk much about our shit. I didn’t mention her fear of just about everything – walking the streets of New York after dark, convenience stores, being home alone. They stemmed from a place of excruciating pain that she wouldn’t let herself go back to. The night her parents died in front of her. And she didn’t mention my inability to let people in for fear of them leaving me. Abandoning me like my parents and every foster parent after them.
Leika let out a deep breath. “Look, I get it. You think telling Jeff my childhood sad story was easy or that it was something I wanted to do? Hell no. But he had to know in order to truly understand me. And your shit is way more fucked up than mine,” she added with a smile trying to lighten the mood.
I gave her a solemn nod.
“Bianca is good and understanding. She deserves to know, and I promise you telling her will lift a weight off you.”
“Hmpf,” I mumbled, as I drained the glass.
Iwas stillchewing over Leika’s words as the plane made its final descent into Connecticut the next morning. The ride had been bumpy, turbulence making the plane rattle and shake, and I couldn’t help but wonder if it was a sign of what was to come.
I took a cab straight to Mr. Sterling’s office and straight into the chaos. Everyone stood around chatting and laughing. No one even pretended to work. It seemed Allen’s excitement for tonight had the whole office in a celebratory mood. There was cake in the break room and Allen Sterling himself was in the center of it all. Big, boisterous laugher erupted from him and filled the room. I couldn’t help but be jealous of him. Despite my certainty that this relationship would end like all the others, he seemed so purely, blissfully happy.
When he spotted me standing in the doorway, he beckoned to me. “Court, come in, come in. The office threw me a little pre-reception celebration. Have a piece of cake.”
Shrugging my laptop bag higher on my shoulder, I hung in the doorway. “No, thanks. I was just gonna set up in the conference room. Will you have time to go over the latest reports?”
He waved me off like work was the last thing on his mind. “It can wait. Put your stuff down in the conference room and come join us.”
Forcing a smile and reminding myself that he was paying me to be here, I did as he said. When I rejoined him, Margaret had also appeared, hanging on one side and standing on the other a young man that looked less than thrilled to be there.
“Court, you remember Margaret. And this is my son Theodore.”
Something pushed in the back of my brain. Some sort of awareness or memory, but it was quickly forgotten as Theodore stepped forward. “Nice to meet you, sir.”
Great, I was a sir. I took a closer look at the young man in front of me. His dress pants and button up shirt were pressed neatly, and he had the defiant, chiseled chin of a kid that had lived a posh life but still thought he could relate to people.
“You too.”
Theodore gave me a polite nod and then turned back to his dad. “I gotta get going. I’ll see you tonight.”
With that he left, and Allen moved his attention to me. “They’re always coming and going at that age. Speaking of going, I know you just got here but I need to see Margaret home so she can get ready for tonight.” He glanced at his watch. “Why don’t you go check into the hotel and we’ll meet back here in an hour to go over the reports?”
Running a palm over my chin, I gave a small nod. “Great, see you then.”
I swallowed, my throat thick with tension. I knew exactly what I needed to do with my sudden free time, but when I arrived at Bianca’s apartment I paced outside in the parking lot so long people started to stare at me like I was cracked out. That was exactly how I felt. Or what I assumed it felt like.
Me: You home? I’m outside.
Instead of responding by text, she opened the door and waved. I walked to her trying to piece together what I needed to say. How I could possibly say any of it without scaring her away for good.
I took in her standard uniform – floral dress and leggings and the familiarity of it, moved me forward.
“Hey, I didn’t think I’d see you until tomorrow,” she said as she held the door wide for me to enter.
There was a pause and it looked like she wanted to embrace me, but I couldn’t allow her to touch me before I’d unloaded.
“Sorry, I should have called but I needed to see you.”
By the concern on her face I knew she’d read the worry and trouble in my words and demeanor.
“Is everything okay?”
I motioned for her to sit in the living room and I followed her to the couch. I drummed my fingers nervously on my thigh as I started speaking. Rip it off like a Band-aid – just tell her everything.
“I wasn’t completely honest with you in New York.”
Her hackles went up – back stiff and hands nervously clutched in her lap.
