Page 101 of Babies for the Big Shot
The one where my thoughts race faster than I can catch them.
“God, what if I pushed him too far? What if Iamtoo much? What if this was all just some stupid accident to him and I’ve been walking around like it meant more and…”
“Stop,” Laura says gently but firmly. “Breathe. One thing at a time.”
I do try. I swear. But my chest is tight and the fear is clawing at my throat.
“He doesn’t know the full story. I didn’t even get to tell him about Rebecca. About the gala. About what she said to me.”
Laura’s eyebrows shoot up. “What exactly did she say?”
I swallow. “She said I was a phase. That Nick doesn’t do commitment. That he always moves on. And part of me, some stupid part of me, believed her. So I panicked. I spiraled. And then the test was positive and I thought maybe I could just handle it on my own and not ruin what little I still had left, and now…”
“Now it feels like you’ve lost everything,” Laura finishes softly.
I nod, eyes blurry with tears. “I might lose him. My job. My stability. My future.”
A pause.
“I don’t know how to be a mom, Laura. I don’t know how to do this.”
She reaches for my hand and grips it tight. “You don’t have to have all the answers tonight. But you’re not doing this alone. Not ever. You have me. And Meatball. And…” She hesitates. “And maybe Nick, once he stops spiraling.”
“You didn’t see his face,” I whisper. “He didn’t fight for me.”
“Maybe he’s still trying to figure out how. Not everyone has your backbone, babe. Some people have to break first before they come back stronger.”
I blink at that.
“I just…” I look down at my stomach, my flat, ordinary stomach that doesn’t look like it’s holding a goddamn miracle. “I feel like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff, and if I fall, that’s it. No net. No second chance.”
Laura squeezes my hand again. “Then don’t fall. Just hold on until you figure out what comes next.”
I let out a shaky breath and lean into her side, suddenly so tired I can barely keep my eyes open.
But I do.
Because sleep won’t come. Not while everything is unraveling.
All I know is… the man I love walked away. And this secret I’ve been carrying is no longer just mine.
And if he doesn’t come back?
I don’t know if I’ll ever feel whole again.
Laura’s just gotten me to drink some tea, something herbal and vaguely citrusy, when my phone buzzes on the coffee table.
I don’t move at first. I don’t want to know. I don’t want to see Nick’s name or not see it. Both options feel equally unbearable.
But it keeps vibrating.
Twice.
Three times.
Laura arches a brow, nudging it toward me. “That could be him.”
I swallow and pick it up with clammy fingers.
