Page 67 of To Professor, with Love
Not bothering to wait on them, I yanked up my briefcase and streaked toward the exit.Behind me, I heard them finally begin to gather their things, but I didn’t wait around as I usually did.Like Hawthorne’s minister, I had my own guilt to nurture.
26
Noel
“They slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered.”- F.Scott Fitzgerald,This Side of Paradise
What the hellhad just happened?
I was already in a fuck-tacular mood.The call I’d just received had flipped my world upside down.
I’d woken up this morning, planning on being the perfect student in Aspen’s class and being playful and cute and shit so she’d stop resisting me.I’d even found the perfect quote to make her smile.But then all hell had broken loose, and it had taken everything I’d had to even look at her in all her stunning glory while my guts felt like they were being jerked up toward my tonsils.
She’d called my name while I was in the middle of deliberating whether I should go home and try to help clean up some of the mess my sister had made.But Jesus, how were we going to raise another kid in that place?Caroline would be eighteen soon.Maybe I could bring her out to Ellamore with me.Except the idea of leaving Colton and Brandt alone made me cringe.
Then Aspen happened.I have no clue what had changed between Saturday night and this morning, but this was not the woman I’d kissed goodbye on her front porch.That woman was warm and receptive and could send me to my knees with her smile alone.Butthiswoman...fuck, I don’t know.But I was going to find out what her fucking deal was.
As she raced from the room as soon as she dismissed us, I grabbed my things and followed in hot pursuit.
“Hey!”I called.But there were still too many people around.I wasn’t sure if she ignored me for propriety’s sake or because she was just that pissed.Clenching my jaw, I followed.She hit a stairwell that led up to the top floor where the offices were kept.We left the students behind and as soon as we reached the landing, I grabbed her arm.
She whirled around, glaring at me.So I glared back and yanked open the first door I saw.It ended up being a supply closet.Perfect.I shoved her inside.
“What do you think you’re doing?Stop manhandling me.”
After making sure we were good and locked inside, I came around slowly.“We aregoingto talk about this.”
“I said get your hands off me!”Panting, she twisted her elbow out my grip.
I clenched my teeth.“Christ, what is going on with you?Why are you suddenly so pissed off?Saturday night—”
“No!Howdareyou mention Saturday to me?Damn you.”She shoved against my chest.“Even the idea of you coming into my class with your flirty little note justminutesafter hearing you’re going to be a father disgusts me.”
“A father?”I took a step back and ran into the door.“Saywhat?”
“Yes!A father.”Her green eyes shot hateful daggers just before they filled with pain.“Iheardyou talking to that poor girl on the phone,yellingat her.Jesus, Noel.How could you treat her that way?You’re just as responsible for this as she is, yet you didn’t seem to have an iota of remorse or—”
“Okay, stop right there.”I lifted my hands, glaring at her.“Maybe you should know all your facts before attacking me.”I snorted out a bitter laugh.“Jesus.Your faith in me is incredible.I can’t fucking believe you automatically thought that wasmykid.”
“Well, you sounded pretty fucking sure you’d have to take care of it, going on about how much harder this was going to make your life.Whywouldn’tI think it was yours?”
“Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I’m not into incest.That was my seventeen-year-old sister,Caroline, and yes, I was furious to learn she was knocked up.I’m also fairly certain the baby’s daddy isn’t going to be there for her, so Iwillhave to help her take care of it and thiswillmake our lives that much harder to handle.”
“Oh.”She blew out a harsh breath.Apology hung heavy in her gaze, but she didn’t beg for any kind of forgiveness.“I...”
When she couldn’t even say sorry, I snorted.
“This is just great.”Spiking my hands through my hair, I whirled away but couldn’t even step a foot from her; the closet was too small for me to escape.I felt sick to my stomach.“I can’t believe I’m falling so hard for you that I’m willing to risk school, my family, my entire future—everything—and you still think I’m capable of juggling you and a new kid.Fuck, I was even willing to try a monogamous, committed relationship with no qualms whatsoever, which I’ve never even considered before.”
Rage consuming me, I spun back to her and pointed a finger into her chest.“I may have had drunk sex with complete strangers more times than I can count, but I havenever, not even once, forgotten protection.I’m a safe fuck, got it?And if I did manage to impregnate some girl, I sure as hell wouldn’t turn around ten minutes later to send secret love notes to my goddamn English teacher!Is that perfectly clear?”
Her green eyes were so wide I could see every remorseful thought inside her.“Yes,” she whispered.Then her face crumpled.“I’m sorry.I’m so sorry.Why do I keep misjudging you?”
“The hell if I know.”I clenched my teeth and glared.“I fully realize this thing between us is doomed, okay.I know we can never...”I closed my eyes and bowed my head.“We might not stand a chance, but I can’t stop thinking about you.I can’t stop craving that connection we share.It’s so fucking strong, I’ve been willing to...God, I would do anything for little stolen pieces of you, Aspen.But if you can so easily assume I’m...Christ, if you don’t feel the same way about me—”
“I do.I feel the same.”
“Then prove it, damn you.Show me I’m risking everything for a reason.Because, right now—”
