Page 32 of Behind the Cascades
Charlie
Thursday, November 29.
My monthly phone call to Connie is today, and I'm dreading it. For no other reason than it’s about time to face the music. The guys are coming up on 18 months gone, so they should be home any day. Which means she will be telling them the entire story. I'm not sure if I'm ready for them to know where I am, though. I'm living in this happy bubble, and the second they know, I'll have to face the reality of everything.
I miss them—all of them, really. Drew, Hayes, Everett, and Odessa. But I still talk to Odessa occasionally. She’s still traveling all over, rubbing elbows with the rich and famous. The last time I talked to her, she was on a yacht somewhere in the Med, living her best life.
It’s been a full year since I went back for the trial. I thought that it would be no problem going back but I hadn’t realized the setback it would put on my new life. It was weeks before I felt safe again. Eventually, the nightmares became fewer and further between and I wasn’t watching over my shoulder asoften. The ache in my heart began to dull as well, and survival mode turned off. It was around then that I stopped thinking of Heartsville as home. Now, home is Three Sisters, where my heart and soul feel at ease.
The only thing that's missing is Hayes. My heart still only beats for him, which infuriates me. I wanted to have moved on by now; let him go. He treated me like I was less than—less than a girlfriend, less than a best friend, less than a human, let alone his soulmate. I'm not less than, and I refuse to let anyone treat me like that, even Hayes.
At this point, I don't know if he even cares to hear the truth or if he's still in such a blind rage that he won't even listen to the facts. Hayes has never been one to lose his cool over anything. The man wrote the book on how to handle stressful situations, but that night I saw a different version of him. I don't know if being in the Navy has changed him, or maybe it’s all the things he's seen, but I don't want to be with someone who doesn't trust me.
So yes, maybe I'm being a little petty and hiding out. Maybe I want him to suffer a little bit so that he understands how it feels to be shut down without a chance to clarify. The same goes for Drew. Both of them condemned me before even hearing my side of things. They deserve to sweat a little bit and think about how shitty they’ve both treated me. There’s no way I'm about to make it easier on the two men who should have given me the benefit of the doubt.I hope their ignorant egos get a big dose of humble pie.
After an hour of contemplating how to say that eloquently to Connie, I finally take a deep breath and call her.
She answers on the first ring. "Hey, sweet girl. How ya doin'?"
Just hearing her voice brings tears to my eyes. I act all toughbut the second I talk to her, I’m a big pile of mush that misses her.
"I'm doing good. Things have been busy. Did you have a good Thanksgiving?"
"It was good. The Parkinson’s invited me over for dinner so that was nice. They have just had their fifth grand-baby, a little boy." I grin, knowing the insinuation she's trying to make. Connie has wanted grand-babies for years. She's never outright said it, but with each passing year, the hints become more obvious. Before Hayes ended things, I would have thought we would be married by now and talking about having our own babies soon.What a joke that is.
"Good for them. I bet it's nice being surrounded by all that love."
"How's baby Ellie? Did she have a good birthday party?" Connie doesn’t know exactly where I am, but she does know everything going on in my life. I’ve given her enough information that, with a couple Google searches, she’d easily be able to figure it out. I’ve always trusted her to keep it quiet though. She has a similar “stick-it-to-’em” attitude that I have. No doubt she wants the guys to suffer a little bit as well.
Ellie just turned one and is developing the biggest personality already. Temper tantrums for days, the center of attention, and the cutest thing in the world. Laughing, I say, "She's the best. Sassy and sweet already. Dan invited the whole town and Ellie really hammed it up with him."
"And how's Ben?"
"He’s doin’ good. He loves going to school. His Pre-K teacher thinks he’s already too advanced for the class."
"Hayes was like that. Only time he sat still was if he had a book in front of him." I ignored the tiny pang in my heart at the mention of his name.
"I don't doubt that. Speaking of Hayes, shouldn’t they behome soon?" I try to sound as unaffected as possible, but even I can hear the slight tremor in my voice when I say his name.
"Tomorrow actually. You ready to talk to them? I think they need to hear your story from you."
I shake my head, tears rolling down my cheeks without me even realizing it. "No. If they ask, then you can tell them what happened with Carter and why I left. I don't want them to worry. I'm safe and happy. But I’m not ready. They'll need time to process the trauma I went through. I'm just… I’m not in a place where I can handle all their emotions and my own. Once they've both had a chance to wrap their heads around it, I'll add them to the app." Where I can keep some distance. I know that I’m a pushover when it comes to Hayes. I’ll lose my grudge the second I hear that deep voice.
"You're wise beyond your years, Charlie. Setting up a strong boundary is important, but I know those boys, and they have always been boundary pushers. I'll do my best to make sure they give you a little time. My lips are sealed with everything you've told me. But if I know Hayes, come hell or high water, that boy is going to find you."
I wish I was strong enough to say that thought didn't excite me. Part of me wants to hate him and the other part is still craving his love. What he does with the information when Connie tells him is on him, though. He may even have a girlfriend at this point—not sure how much dating there was wherever he went, but stranger things have happened, i.e., my insane stalker. Either way, I’m not putting too much hope into Hayes. I’ve already been disappointed once by his choices; if he rejects me again, I don’t know if I can recover.
"I love you. Thank you for supporting me throughout all of this. You've let me do things my way, even if you didn't always agree. I will always be grateful for how much you've helped me."
"Oh, hush, dear. You'll make me cry. I've loved you since the day your momma told me she was giving us all a girl. We didn't know how much we needed it at the time— being surrounded by those rough and tumble boys—but you were everything we could have wanted and more."Cue the waterfalls of tears.
Barely sleeping last night, I dragged myself into the office. Olivia is already sitting at her desk, and Ellie is coloring at her little table.
Ellie sees me first and says, "AuCha!” Her version of Aunt Char. She lifts up her Elsa coloring page and grins at me. It’s one giant scribbled mess of colors, but I can’t help not to smile at how proud she is.
"I love it!" I say before I kiss her on the top of her head and head to my desk.
I drop my purse onto the surface and it opens, causing all of the contents to spill out. Most of it is junk— a protein bar, some loose coins, and a pen— but my eyes get stuck on the thing I try to forget is in there. The antique mint tin. I haven’t pulled it out of my purse since I found it in there when I left South Carolina. Occasionally, I’ll open my purse and get a small whiff of peppermint—the smell alone almost makes me cry—but usually I simply pretend it isn’t there.
