Page 28 of Behind the Cascades
Dan cuts the umbilical cord and I try to take several photos but honestly, they’re probably blurry with how much I’ve cried.
“Want me to go tell Levi?”
Dan nods as he blinks away tears. “Thanks, Charlie.”
I walk out to the waiting room with tears still streaming down my face. Seeing a dad so happy to welcome his baby girl into the world has me choked up. I can’t help but think of my dad and how much I miss him. I’ve seen all the photos of my birth, and my dad looked the same way; starstruck and glowing with love and adoration. Of course, my thoughts also went to Hayes. Will he be this happy someday? Will it be me he’s looking at like that, or another woman?
Levi jumps out of his chair when he sees me in a panic and I run into his arms. “They’re okay! One healthy baby, and her mom did amazing!”
He squeezes his arms around my shoulders tighter before relaxing his shoulders and pulling back.
“What’s with the crying, then?”
I fan my face and a sad laugh bubbles out. “It was just so sweet, ya know? Seeing Dan with this tiny baby and how proud he was of Olivia.”
“Shit.” He looks toward where I walked from. “I’m gonna cry too.”
“Probably, you’re even sappier than I am.”
“Says the woman with snot running out of her nose.” He grins back.
We both go back into the room after we’ve given them sometime withEllie. Eleanor Anne Turner, to be exact. Levi coos at her and holds her like he’s done it a thousand times. I don’t know why he’s so hell bent on thinking he wouldn’t be a good dad, because he’s areallygreat uncle.
Chapter Eighteen
Hayes
Saturday, May 26.
Thirteen months into a deployment that should have been only a year. The worst part is that we just found out our return date has been pushed back another five months. Everyone on the team is equally annoyed but there isn’t much we can do. The stresses of the day-to-day seem to have made us all numb. At least at this point, we have a solid routine. A blessing and a curse, considering it’s even easier to let our minds wander.
Charlie's birthday has once again rolled around and I haven't stopped thinking about her. The long days and endless nights have given me more than enough time to reflect on everything that has happened. It doesn’t help that the loneliness is playing mind games that I wasn’t prepared for. I’m starting to wonder if I’ve gotten to the point where I could forgive her for cheating. It still kills me to think that she would do that to me, but I also know that I didn’t even give her a chance to explain.
I unblocked her about a week ago, craving any information I could get, but she hasn't posted in months. Not since I left her outside her apartment. Her social media shouldn’t worry me as much as it does, but I can’t stop myself from caring about her and from thinking about her all the time. I’ve typed out a hundred different emails but haven’t sent any of them yet. Her birthday may be the day my resolve comes crashing down, though.I fucking miss her.
Walking out to the makeshift gym, I spot Drew out there, lifting weights with a zoned-out expression on his face.
When he looks up and gives me a nod, I decide to bite the bullet and ask him about her. I haven't mentioned her in a year. Not since her last birthday, when he caught me sulking out here.
"Hey, you call your sister today?"
He stares back, stone-faced, and then blinks it away. "I tried. She won't answer my calls."
"What do you mean she won't answer?" Every nerve ending in my body stands to attention; it’s not like Charlie to ignore him or anyone. She’ll say exactly what’s on her mind, even if we don’t like it.
He sets down his weights and huffs out a big breath of air. His jaw works back and forth as he grinds his teeth together. "You want to do this? Because you haven't wanted to talk about Charlie since we left."
Running my hand over the stubble on my jaw, I nod. "I know. I've been pissed and hurt. But that doesn't mean I stopped caring."
He sighs, backing down too. "Same. She hasn't responded to me. In her defense, I was pretty shitty toward her before we left. Then the first few months here were so chaotic, trying to find our footing, that I didn’t really reach out. Around Thanksgiving, I realized I hadn't talked to her since we left, so Iemailed, texted, and then called. When I still hadn't heard back by Christmas, I called mom. She lit my ass on fire, but she wouldn't say much. Only that, ‘Charlie’s fine.’ I tried to push, but mom told me to drop it until Charlie was ready to talk to me.”
“I didn’t fucking ask you to do that!” Guilt mixed with frustration flows through me. I would never have asked him to not talk to Charlie; if anything, I tried to keep him out of it. They only have each other for immediate family. It must have nearly killed her to feel like she lost us both at the same time.
"Of course you didn't, asshole. But you're my best friend, and she's my sister. I'm allowed to be pissed when she fucks up. Cheating on you? Come on, that's no small offense."
My head hangs low as I try to shake away the confusing feelings. "I know. IthinkI know. Something about it feels off, though. My gut is telling me there's more to the story but my head saw it as clear as day."
"You saw a guy in her bed; it doesn't get more clear than that." He’s right; it’s probably the time messing with my head, distorting the memories. My brain wants there to be another reason to explain what happened. Although the alternative is that I left her there with an unwelcome man in her bed. Either way, I lose.
