Page 33 of Eavesdroppers Never Hear
“There is some sense in what he says about the girls, however, and if he is disposed to make them any amends, I shall not be the person to discourage him.”
“Though it is difficult,” said Jane, “to guess in what way he can mean to make us the atonement he thinks our due, the wish is certainly to his credit.”
Elizabeth was struck by the same thought, and the only suppositions she could make were that he was wife-shopping. Since that was the generally practised sport for young people of their age. If the man already had a living and was not starving to death as a curate, it would be a sensible and ordinary thing to do.
One could easily argue that the best way to find a suitable mistress for an estate was to marry someone who already knew it intimately. In principle, it was like what Mr Darcy said about the usual way courtships were done in the first circles (if a man had enough sense to not fall in love, that was). You would choose a wife from among the pool of people you already knew were suitable. Though Mr Collins’s visit seemed slightly mercenary, it was no worse than the usual practises. If he were in a mood for courtship, Longbourn was as good a place to start as any—as long as he understood he had to earn it and could not have his pick of the litter.
Elizabeth and Mary spoke after the meal and could not come to any firm conclusions.
On the one hand, having the heir wed one of the Bennet daughters would solve several problems (real or perceived). Since Elizabeth had been thinking of nothing but courtship and marriage for a full day, she had jumped to the obvious conclusion only a step behind her mother, which was disconcerting.
On the other hand, his letter was full of pompous nothings and nonsense. Unless his writing was a poor reflection of his character, she had a tough time believing he would be at all amiable or sensible.
Above all, Elizabeth was happy about one thing:If he was wife-shopping she was safely off the market.
16.Introduction
Mr Collins appeared with admirable promptness at four o’clock. Unfortunately, as far as Elizabeth was concerned, it was the last admirable thing he did.
The early evening before supper was filled with talk… and talk… and talk… and talk. The man was inexhaustible on every subject, repetitious to a nauseating degree, and a bit on the silly side. Elizabeth could not quite escape the man, though she tried her best to ignore him as much as possible.
The parson talked in superlatives and comparisons. Everything from the furniture to the paintings to the articles of plate were compared to something it vaguely reminded him of in his parsonage or at Rosings. Of course, every comparison to Rosings had to show the superiority of that abode and his noble patroness, Lady Catherine de Bourgh. The dining room must be compared to the small breakfast parlour. The silver was judged against the second or third best at Rosings. The paintings could have been made by a man who might, later in life with more skill and experience, grace a wall on Rosings. What little of the garden he could see in November reminded him of his own plot at the parsonage, which he managed himself. (That part was sensible, but nobody was listening at the time.)
On and on it went until Elizabeth would have screamed had she not enjoyed one advantage over her sisters. She did not care in the least what Mr Collins said, did, or thought. She was notengaged, but she was being courted, which put her safely out of Mr Collins’s reach, even if she never did accept Mr Darcy. Her mother and some of her sisters were still unaware of any connexion at all, but her father knew, and that was all that counted. After all, it was not as if Mr Collins would enter the house one day and pick the companion of his future life that verysame evening. Such a thing would be preposterous even for Mr Collins and Mrs Bennet. Nobody could possibly be that stupid.
~~~~~
Dinner was more of the same, with the parson praising the cooking, place settings and the like. He made a major faux pas in asking which daughter could take credit for the meal. It was bad enough that he did not understand the mechanics of an estate the size of his future inheritance to know it would have a cook. Even worse, he had been in the presence of said ladies since his arrival, so they could not possibly have made it to the kitchen. Mrs Bennet was mightily offended, but Mr Collins managed to get back in her good graces with sufficient grovelling, a skill that seemed well-practised.
Elizabeth was grateful she was seated across and down the table several places from the man. Mrs Bennet had tried to place her next to him, but she simply refused to do so at a time and place where Mrs Bennet could not make too much of a fuss. It seemed likely the matriarch had not quite worked out why Mr Darcy was so prevalent at Longbourn; but since his prevalence consisted of only two visits, she had not whiffed the matrimonial scent yet. Elizabeth did not wish to lay a trail prematurely.
While Elizabeth had her own things to think about, she was mildly curious about Mr Collins. Not having to worry about being shackled to him allowed her to view the man dispassionately.
For certain, he was a foolish man, but many men were. Lady Catherine sounded like an interfering busybody, but her interference at least included spending money on the parsonage, which was… not so terrible. It did not bode well for the future Mrs Collins’s ability to run her own home; but having a generous benefactor had certain advantages.
Overall, she thought Mr Collins might make someone a marginally adequate husband—with the natural proviso that someone was not her.
~~~~~
Between the first and second courses, Mr Collins made his play for the evening’s entertainment. “I thought I might read for an hour or two from Fordyce’s sermons.”
Elizabeth looked to her father, who was having the best night of his life (or at least his recent life). Lydia and Kitty looked horrified, while Jane and Mrs Bennet looked resigned.
Mary surprised everyone. “We shall be happy to listen to the good reverend if you allow me to choose the passages.”
The gentleman looked stunned, while Mr Bennet looked highly amused, and most of the other diners looked at her in shock or curiosity. Lydia and Kitty were astonished that Mary was saying something that was not a direct quote from Fordyce, while Elizabeth and Jane were surprised she said it so sweetly.
“Why would you wish to pick the passages? I can assure you that I know the good reverend very well. My profession and Oxford education give me excellent insight into the education required…” and then he paused to look meaningfully at Lydia and Kitty, then continued, “…though of course, I will take any suggestions under advisement.”
“While I dislike disputing, I must insist.”
Mr Collins looked to Mr Bennet in a bid to get him to bring his recalcitrant daughter in line but found the patriarch grinning. “I have no horse in this race, sir.”
“Why would you wish to choose, Miss Mary,” Collins finally asked in a flustered voice.
“Because I have been fixedly studying the reverend for the last year or two, and even recently been discussing it in detail with my elder sisters. We concluded that much of what he has tosay is pure gold, but much is also harmful drivel. If your intent is to educate, I prefer more of the former and less of the latter.”
Nobody at the table had the slightest idea how to react to the newly assertive Mary—even Mr Collins.
