Page 82 of Until You Came Along
“What time do you need to be at the office?” I asked, because that morning he seemed very relaxed, and the times we had breakfast together, he had always seemed concerned about the time.
“Today I don’t have anything scheduled for the morning, I can arrive whenever I want; being the owner has to count for something,” he stated, looking into my eyes.
“That’s very true.”
“Do you have anything in the morning?” he asked.
“I don’t have any scheduled meetings, but I need to finish reviewing some reports that have to be ready for today.”
“Can you arrive a little later?”
“Yes, no problem. Besides, if something urgent comes up, Julia will call me right away,” I responded, because I had the feeling he needed to discuss something with me.
“Then let’s have breakfast calmly and talk about something I want to propose to you,” he said, looking at me cautiously.
He took a few seconds in which he just looked at me, which made me a bit anxious and nervous.
“The first thing I want to know is what you’re planning to do for the holidays. Christmas is only ten days away, and I’d like us to spend it together,” he pointed out.
“I had been thinking about traveling to spend it with my brother, but I haven’t decided yet. The times I’ve stayed in Uruguay, I always spend it with Serafina and her family.”
“Would you consider staying with me?” he asked cautiously.
“Is it important to you that I stay?” I inquired, hoping he would say what I so wanted to hear.
“It is, that’s why I’m asking. I don’t want us to be apart for many days, and on such a special date, I’d like to have you by my side,” he responded, without saying the reasons why he wanted me to be with him.
“I haven’t committed to Tom yet, I could travel to spend New Year’s with him,” I suggested.
“Can’t you wait and travel later? I really don’t want you to be away for several days.”
“Why, Hermes? Give me one reason and I’ll stay, because you still haven’t told me,” I pressed.
“It’s not for what you’re thinking. It’s because I don’t want us to be apart. I like being with you, I feel happy being by your side, and that’s why I want to make another proposal to you,” he indicated.
«It’s not what you’re thinking», echoed in my head. It was obviously his gentle way of telling me:«I’m not in love with you, don’t get your hopes up.»I tried not to look disappointed, though I don’t think I succeeded. On the other hand, I imagined his next proposal was about living together, but after what I’d just heard, I was less inclined to take that big leap. For him, it could simply be a way to sleep with company and have me at his disposal, but for me it implied many more things, all related to feelings. I had always thought that when I made that decision with my partner, it would be because I loved him and was loved in return, because for me, it was the starting point for building a family. That wasn’t what I was experiencing at that moment; it was clear that Hermes didn’t love me, and I needed to feel that I would receive love. Besides, I knew he had a personality very different from mine; he was controlling and distrustful, and he also had a lifestyle very different from mine. To begin with, he had no friends and didn’t like me spending time with mine. Apparently, he also didn’t want me to travel to see my brother because he wanted us not to be separated for several days. That already foretold problems ahead.
“Tell me,” was all I could say.
“I understand we’ve only been together a short time, but, as I’ve told you several times, I like being with you and sleeping by your side. It’s clear that if we’re going to sleep together most nights, we can’t keep going from one house to another and getting up earlier to change clothes. You understand that, right?” he asked, and I nodded while watching him attentively. “That’s why I’ve been thinking carefully and I want to propose that we live together,” he concluded.
It hadn’t been the most romantic proposal in the world, that was clear, and even though I had imagined what he would say before he said it, I still didn’t know how to respond. Myheart was screaming to say yes and enjoy this man every day. My reason told me to take it easy and think it through better. I took a few minutes during which we both looked into each other’s eyes. Hermes, evaluating me, and I pondering the best way to say what I was thinking.
“Are you going to answer me?” he asked, and I noticed he was anxious about my silence.
“Of course, but I don’t know if it’s what you want to hear. Please let me explain,” I requested, and I noticed his expression changed from anxiety to surprise. “You know how I feel about you, because I’ve confessed it to you, but I think if we make the decision to live together, we’d be rushing things. I’m not saying no, I’m saying let’s wait a bit.”
“Why do you always have some objection to my proposals? You always have to think about it or you directly refuse,” he stated, and at that moment it was evident that my answer had annoyed him.
“Maybe because I’m a cautious person.”
“And you think I’m not? Do you think I’ve asked all my partners to come live with me?”
“I understood you hadn’t had partners, at least not after your girlfriend.”
“And I haven’t, but that’s not the point. You’re the first woman I’ve made such a proposal to, and don’t think I haven’t thought it through,” he assured, raising his voice slightly.
“I didn’t say you hadn’t thought it through. I consider you a sensible person, but you must admit it’s too soon. Hermes, we’re just getting to know each other, we can’t say we’re an established couple ready to take that big step. We need to think about the implications of that decision; we don’t even know much about each other.”
