Page 87 of Between Earth and Eternity
I wander the ship for hours, trying to talk myself out of it, but I know there’s only one thing that could make me feel better. Even if he never sees it or responds, getting it off my chest could ease some of the load.
The Transmission Deck is open to all passengers, but there isn’t a soul here. Large consoles line the room, each with their own booth for privacy. I step into the one farthest from the entrance. The console lights up, sensing movement, and Zara’s voice comes over the comms.
“Hello. Please scan to confirm identity.” I place my thumb on the screen, and my name appears. “Welcome, Skyler C. Andrews. Please state the name of the individual you would like to transmit a message to.”
“Elliot Hastings.”
“Searching for Elliot Hastings.”
It takes a couple of minutes, but finally, the results pull up. “Elliot Hastings. Location: Wasatch, Earth. Is this correct?” Zara asks.
“Yes.”
“There is a fee for sending this message. Would you like to continue?” On the screen, the numbers appear. It gives me the option for a voice-only recording or a video. The voice recording alone is nearly my entire allowance.
“Yes,” I say.
What else do I need it for? Besides a dress for the gala. Maybe if I’m lucky, I can get out of it. And if not, I should have enough left over to scrounge up something.
“Which option?”
“Voice.” I don’t want to watch myself fall apart on a video, even if I am the only one who will ever see this.
The countdown begins for me to start the recording, and my mind suddenly goes blank on what to actually say. I can’t say too much, can’t divulge any secrets.
Three.
Two.
One.
“El, the first thing I want to tell you is that I miss you.” I cover my mouth so the sob doesn’t escape me. “I miss you more than words could describe, and I wish I were sitting beside you right now. I could really use your advice. Life on Zenith had been . . . interesting, to say the least. Not everything has gone my way, but I think you would be proud of me.”
I sniffle, taking a deep breath before I go on. “I’ve kept my heart open like you said, but I’m starting to wonder if it’s only made it more difficult for me to find my footing here.”
I swallow, dreading what I have to say next, but I must.
“El, if I ever held you back, if you ever passed on an opportunity that you would have otherwise taken but didn’t because of me, I am so sorry.” The tears flow easily now. I can’t hold them back any longer. “I hope you can forgive me for leaving you behind.” My voice cracks. This is me, raw, and if there’s anyone who knows me to the bone, it’s Elliot.
“Just know that even on the other side of the galaxy, I miss you and think about you every single day, and you will always be my best friend. Even if I don’t deserve your friendship, I hope I can make it up to you someday. I love you, El. Stay safe.”
I tap the screen for the recording to end and push send.
It will most likely never reach him. My words scatter to the stars, but at least they will know. Someone has to, something has to understand me out there in the universe.
It is all I have to keep going.
What a wicked game to play to make me feel this way
What a wicked thing to do to let me dream of you
“Wicked Game,” Chris Isaak
Ibegan going days without leaving the suite, first it was six, then twelve. Now it’s been nearly a month since I’ve stepped over the threshold. There’s no need for me to leave. With Payson and Laz still avoiding me and the worry of seeing Vallen even in passing, I don’t want to risk it. I don’t want to face any of thefactors that have made walking out my door such a challenge. Romy has come to the suite multiple times showing off Stella, but that has been the extent of doing anything other than hibernating in the suite. And so life goes on. Days continue to stack onto each other. The weeks until Eden breeze by in a blur. I remove each day like clothing, stripping it off when it comes to an end only to put it on again the next day.
I feel alone, just a wandering soul in the endless vacuum of space.
Ori has fully assimilated to intergalactic life. She continues to plan activities for the singles group, and though I kindly decline to join her, she still asks. Nothing can break her spirit, and that’s what I love about her. I didn’t tell her about confronting Vallen, though I have thought about it many times. Just when I’m about to spill, I hold myself back for her sake. I won’t let anything ruin her chance of getting to Eden and reuniting with her brother. The less she knows, the better. With the arrest of Mr. Timmons and the disappearance of Runa, I’m not taking a risk of hurting her.
