Page 69 of Between Earth and Eternity
“I don’t know if I have an answer for you, Pace. Not yet. I just hope things will be a bit easier for all of us once we reach Eden,” I say fervently.
His eyebrows pull together, like he isn’t so sure, and I wonder what thought just crossed his mind. He looks down, taking my hand in his. “I just want to take care of you, Skyler. Keep you safe.”
“Safe from wha—” but that’s all I get out before he presses his mouth to mine. His lips are soft and questioning. I can sense the uncertainty, so I give him a little encouragement by placing a hand on his chest. He kisses me deeper, his hand cupping my cheek, and I wait for the butterflies in my stomach to bloom, but there’s nothing. All I can think about is how similar this is to kissing Elliot. Safe, calming, but I crave more. I want to feel aflame, bursting out of my skin with desire.
I pull back. “I’m sorry. I can’t,” I say, bringing my hand to my mouth.
He lets out a heavy sigh. “Can I ask why?”
“I never thought I’d say this, but it’s not you, it’s me.”
He sighs, defeated, and I don’t blame him.
I try to explain. “My heart’s not in it, Payson. I’m sorry.”
“Like there’s someone else who has your heart?” he asks, bracing himself for what I might say.
“That’s the crazy part. I have no idea. I’m just . . . adrift.”
He purses his lips trying to understand.
“I know it doesn’t make a lot of sense. There’s a part of my heart, most of it, still back on Earth. The other part is trying to keep up as we race through the stars, and I haven’t found a place for it to land in the meantime, not with my family so far away.”
“Keep your heart open,”Elliot said, and I think he was right, but I still don’t know for what. Or who.
I clear my throat and attempt to deliver what I have to say delicately. “You, Laz, and Ori have been more than I could have asked for in finding friends on this journey, but I think we should stay that way, Pace. Just friends.”
He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. I know I’ve disappointed him, but if I can’t be honest about everything, I must at least be honest about matters of the heart. It wouldn’t be fair to him or me in the long run. If we built a relationship on lies, we would be setting each other up for failure, ruined in the end. We guard our secrets, and I am still guarding my heart, it would seem.
“Look, you deserve someone who can give you everything, and that’s not me. Eventually, you would realize it was a mistake.”
He looks down at his hands, lost in thought for a moment or two. His eyebrows strain, and I know he’s contemplating what to say to change my mind.
I place a hand on his knee, but he doesn’t look up. “Pace.”
He pinches the bridge of his nose before he sighs, defeated. “I understand.” It sounds forced.
“We can still be friends, right?” I don’t disguise the pleading in my voice.
He stares for a moment before inhaling deeply. “Still friends.”
I offer him a smile, grateful for his patience, even if he can’t fully understand.
On our walk back to my suite, we remain quiet the whole way. I hope this doesn’t change things between us. I’ll try my best not to let it happen.
When we reach my door, I hug him tight. For a moment, he’s as stiff as a board, but he eventually wraps his arms around me.
“Thank you for a fun date. I had a great time,” I say, resting my head on his shoulder.
“Yeah. Same.” His voice barely above a whisper. As we break apart, he presses a light kiss to my cheek. “Good night, Skyler.” The corner of his mouth draws up in a half smile.
“Good night, Pace.”
Before the door closes behind me, Ori is already pouncing.
“Oh my god. Tell meeverything,” she says, clapping excitedly, but when she sees my face, her expression falls.
“Oh no. What happened?”
