Page 58 of Between Earth and Eternity
Please, no.
Slade, Kol, and other members of their posse stare at me with invasive fascination. Slade in particular watches me with delight. I can practically see the cogs turning in his mind, and the urge to vomit peaks all over again.
When we deboard, I rush into the suite and make a beeline for my room before the sob I’m desperately holding back tears out of me. I throw my helmet across the room and rip my suit off as quickly as I can. My nail catches on the zipper, and blood begins to leak from my finger, but I couldn’t care less. I stand in the middle of the room in nothing but my undergarments, staring at my reflection in the mirror. I’m a vessel made of self-pity and a mind too weary to fight through doubt. Then, like a body shotdead, I drop to my knees and cry so hard, I think my chest will burst.
“Sky?” Ori taps on the door. I don’t respond, so she taps again. “Skyler?”
“I’m fine. I just . . . need to be alone,” I say through heavy sobs. There’s nothing I can do to sound normal right now.
It’s silent on her side for a beat or two before she says, “I’m right out here if you need anything, okay?” I hear the door to her room shut, and I sink into my grief again.
There is a fresh, deep cut in my heart for my best friend back home.
Back home on Earth.
I want to go home.
I want to tell Elliot how sorry I am. That I am such a poor excuse for a friend, so weak that I couldn’t let him go, even though him staying benefited me and only me.
All this time, I’ve prided myself in being unable to relate to a single thing about the affluent people aboard Zenith, but it seems I am just as selfish. I can picture El and me back on the overlook when I asked him to be honest with me. I believed him then, but was he holding something back the entire time? When Rebecca held him as he cried, was it more than just his father that had moved him to tears? Regrets that he should have left long ago?
If that’s true, then this is my punishment: to be surrounded by the bigotry of wealth and ego, trapped inside metal walls somewhere in the never-ending plane of outer space.
So I let it swallow me into darkness.
Got the music in you, baby, tell me why
You’ve been locked in here forever, and you just can’t say goodbye
“Apocalypse,” Cigarettes After Sex
In my dreams, I am back at E.P.S. Like any normal day, Elliot distracts me from my tasks and goes on a long-winded rant about why music never was the same after the year 2088. He doesn’t act like someone who resents me, and I know him better than I know myself.
Maybe Sarah was lying. Maybe it was her way of dealing with the reality of her mistake. But why would she make that up? She had nothing to gain other than hurting me.
When I wake, I stare at the ceiling for what feels like hours, but I can’t be certain when my mind is lost somewhere between memories and moons.
For the first time, Ori is up before me with a coffee ready on the counter when I finally emerge from my bedroom, wrapped in a robe. I join her on one of the stools surrounding the kitchen island.
“Are you feeling any better?” she asks, eyebrows drawing together.
“Honestly? No. But I owe you an explanation,” I admit.
I tell her everything Sarah said, excluding the parts about Mannox Industries. I debate if I should share about Laz and Payson, but I want to talk to them first to get the full story. Maybe they have a rational explanation for lying, even if I can’t come up with a good reason at the moment.
When I’m finished, she sits in thought for a couple of seconds before she boldly proclaims, “In the short time I saw you and Elliot together that day”—she makes certain I have eye contact with her as she speaks—“I can tell that he could never hate you, let alone resent you for anything.”
I shrug. Elliot and I have a close bond, that’s easy to see, but what can someone really know about a person after observing for a couple of minutes?
“And even if what she said is true, he obviously cared more about you than going with them. There’s nothing either of you could have done about you winning the Lottery.Hecould have won, and then you’d be in the same situation. I saw his face when you walked away that day. I know in here”—she places a hand over her heart—“that he wasn’t thinking about anything other than missing you.”
I want to believe her, and I know I can’t discount an entire relationship based on one person’s opinion, even if Sarah was my friend at one point in time. El and I have years of friendship that can’t be lost in a single conversation.
“You’re probably right.” I offer her a small grin, feeling lighter than I have in hours. “I hope you get to meet him someday. And all of this will just be a bump in the road.” I do my best to say it with conviction, but it doesn’t banish my doubts.
Abingechoes in the suite, indicating someone at the door.
“I got it.” Ori jumps down from the stool.
