Page 126 of Between Earth and Eternity
I know what he’s trying to do. He needs the commander, not the man hopelessly in love. But he doesn’t understand. This isn’t a silly little crush. It isn’t lust or an infatuation that will fade. I knew it from the moment I saw her, touched her, tasted her, that she would be so much more.
I picture her that first day, veiled under that baseball cap, as if that could ever hide her from the world. She is too bold and too beautiful to ever be concealed despite her efforts. She has passion as bright as a thousand suns, shining in a way that not even the stars could compare to. And I pulled her into my plans, knowing it might crush us both. She is what my heart was reaching for, what the universe knew I needed.
She is what makes it worth every risk and every bit of pain.
She simply is everything.
I should have told her that before. I had chances to. She begged me to tell her everything, and I did, about all this, but I didn’t tell her everything about how she makes me feel, how much my heart aches for her when she isn’t near. How I quickly came to admire her and then irrevocably fall for her. That night in the dance club will stay burned into my mind forever. I’d never felt anything like it before, to be craved by someone so purely, for it to feel so good. Now, my heart is shattered into a million pieces because I may never get the chance. The damage of the bullet is nothing compared to the wound in my heart. I feared that something like this would happen, but when I had everything in my hands, even for the short time, I didn’t care.
“She made a sacrifice for Nova. We can’t just leave her.”Ican’t leave her. I won’t.
“It will risk everything we have built. The entire operation will be at stake. You realize this, yes?
“I do.”
He pinches the bridge of his nose. “Then we better make a plan, and fast. Before it’s too late.” He sighs, defeated, shoulders slumping, knowing nothing is going to change my mind. “Here. Take this.”
He pulls the item out of his satchel, and I almost choke at the sight of it. He holds it out to me, and for a moment, I don’t think I can take it, but eventually, I do. I look down at the cap, tracing theSandFwith my fingertips.
“I’ll have someone come by and take care of that properly,” he says somberly, nodding to my knee, and then leaves.
I set Skyler’s hat on the console’s switchboard. It’s painful to look at, painful to imagine what could be happening to her. And I am so scared for her, but I’m also incredibly angry with her, a storm of emotions battling in my head, reluctant acceptance colliding with aching understanding. She did what she had to, Ican’t blame her for that, and I’m unsure of what I would have done if I were in her place. I don’t think I could have left her like that, and it frightens me. Maybe I’m not the best person to be leading Nova after all.
She sacrificed for the greater good, but she might have destroyed my soul in my process.
I hear someone enter the room, likely whoever Bex sent from medical to tend to my leg.
“Vallen.” I turn to find Captain Ira in the doorway. “We need to talk.”
I seal the door and shut off the console; the cracked screen makes it useless anyway.
“This was no coincidence. We’ve been too careful, too meticulous for it to suddenly fall apart. It doesn’t make sense,” he explains in a hushed voice. We aren’t on Zenith anymore; this ship is ours, but habits are habits.
I know where this is going.
“You think we have a mole.”
He nods.
Shit.
“Tell me what you’re thinking, Ira.” I can always count on him to share his honest opinion, and I know he has probably already worked this out a thousand times in his head. He is smart and decisive; it’s what made him an excellent captain. Once my father realizes that not only did his son deceive him, but one of his superior officers, it will send him into a fit of rage.
“I don’t believe it to be Payson. His motives wouldn’t make sense if it meant putting Skyler in danger.” Point proven; he doesn’t beat around the bush. “Unless he made a deal to eventually get her to safety, maybe a bargain. He wasn’t planning for what she did either.”
“It’s possible,” I say, undecided.
“Men have done crazier things in the name of love,” Ira says casually.
I’m becoming one of them.
No. I already am, from the moment I finally told Skyler everything.
“What about anyone outside the Zenith team? I know we tried to keep it as tight-lipped as possible, but maybe something got through.”
Ira ponders for a moment. “I mean, it wouldn’t be impossible, and with Nova’s numbers growing, it’s hard to say. I don’t think I could recall everyone by name,” he admits.
It wasn’t that long ago that Nova was merely Bex and myself. We’d had to delicately approach and screen individuals we could trust; it’s taken years of careful planning and execution.
