Page 7 of Between Earth and Eternity
Heaven never ever heard a word I said
I’ve cried enough to raise the dead
“Everything comes and goes,” they say
Here tomorrow, gone today
“The Balancer’s Eye,” Lord Huron
My stomach remained in knots the rest of the day, waiting for someone to come through the door and deliver my punishment, but they never did. Not even my father made an appearance to check in like he does a few times a week. Kolmust have been too embarrassed to mention it to anyone. If the dining hall had been more crowded, it may have gone differently. Thank goodness. I should have paid better attention to the audience before I shoved that hamburger in his face. I was reckless; I acted without thinking. Maybe it was the fact that Kol will be off planet soon, so that was my only chance. Whatever the reason or impulse may have been, I made Elliot swear not to mention it to my parents.
I couldn’t relax until I got home later that day, and by then, I had given myself a headache from worrying.
It still pounds behind my eyes, even in the comfort of my room. I lie in the darkness, trying to ease the tension in my head and body until my phone buzzes on the nightstand. I’m not surprised by the name that pops up on the screen.
El:Enjoy your last sleep as a twenty-two-year-old!
He really is a child. A tall, annoying child. This is almost as insufferable as when he discovered disco music.
Me:I can’t wait for tomorrow so you can stop with this nonsense.
El:That’s the spirit!
Me:Hardly.
El:To be fair, you gave me strict instructions about what you wanted to do on your birthDAY, not the day before.
If only he could see the eye roll as I type.
Me:I’ll be more specific next time.
I pause before I push send.Next time?It seems impossibly naive to think that this time next year, life will look anything like it does right now. El must sense my paranoia through the phone because he types back with:
El:No matter what happens, we will make it count. Okay, San Fran?
I could respond with my regular retort of doom and gloom, but after Elliot’s efforts, it feels mean to dampen his bright spirit. Iknow why he tries so hard. He knows me better than anyone. He knows the tangled maze of worry I try to escape but can never seem to find my way out of, knowing that the encounter at lunch made it worse. But the last thing I want is for Kol’s sinister attempts to get in the way of my best friend’s care and consideration. I don’t know what I would do without Elliot grounding me.
Me:Deal.
Me:You are such a pain you know, but I love you anyway.
El:I wouldn’t have it any other way. Love you too. See you tomorrow!
I have a playlist that usually helps me drift to sleep every night, but tonight calls for calm and stillness. There isn’t a song on my endless playlists that can match my mood right now because I don’t know what I feel. My thoughts bounce between the Lottery, Zenith, food, water, Kol, my family, Elliot; a constant loop of gratefulness and terror of what is upon us. There is a song for every emotion, but right now, I can’t recall a single one.
I hear the stairs creak as my mom makes her way to her room after getting Gran down for the night. She pauses by my door for a second, probably listening for the soft hum of my music drifting through the walls, but hearing none, she continues down the hall to her room and closes the door.
My last sleep as a twenty-two-year-old.
I scoff.
Damn you, Elliot.
I asked my family and Elliot for a quiet at-home celebration, just a few family friends and nothing more. Going out would be tooexpensive, and everyone will be watching the Lottery drawings later in the evening anyway.
I come downstairs to a breakfast of blueberry waffles, bacon, and orange juice, which must have cost my parents a fortune, but I don’t bring it up. Before I finally fell asleep last night, I promised myself I wouldn’t allow a single negative thought or feeling to affect the day. I’d just enjoy it.
Which they all will be grateful for, especially Elliot.
