Page 101 of Roleplay at Randy's
I feel his glare more than I see it, and his hands slide down to fist the sides of my jacket. “And I respect that,” he says, voice soft but on edge. “But you didn’t give me a choice. You made the decision for us.”
“Because I was afraid you couldn’t.”
“Because you were afraid I wouldn’t. You didn’t trust me to think things through. You saw me at a low point and decided what I could and couldn’t handle.”
It’s a little unnerving how intense he can get while still keeping his voice low and steady.
“I just want you to be happy.”
“Youmake me happy, Lee.” He grips the back of my neck and pulls me down to him again. “You and our flirty text messages. Our late night chats. Breakfast with Cal. Signing sessions where you get so frustrated you pout in the corner until I kiss your fragile little ego better.”
I love all of those things, too. Every chance I get to spend with him, each little piece of him I unlock, all the new things I learn, they’re some of my favorite parts of the day.
“You never stopped to consider what I want. What I’m willing to fight for.”
“I don’t want you to have to fight for me.”
Matty rolls his eyes. “I don’thaveto. I want to.” Something in him loosens, and he drops his head to my chest. “You’ve never had to meet that side of me. The one who claws his way through pain and heartache to get what he needs. But that’s such a huge part of who I am.”
He sighs softly, and with the music and my heartbeat in his ear, I don’t dare try to speak.
“I think it’s time you meet him. Because as long as you’re afraid, he’s going to be needed.”
“You make me sound like I’m the obstacle,” I mutter to myself, but Matty looks up with a cheeky grin.
“You are.” He leans up to steal a kiss, and as the song fades into another, he pulls himself out of my arms. “I love you anyway.”
I want to reach for him again, but I don’t. I take him in from the proud tilt of his chin, his squared shoulders with the braid laid across, hands in his pockets, back to the determination gleaming in his gaze.
“What do you want?” I ask him, feeling that I already know the answer.
“Silly, silly Elias.” His smile is so heartfelt and so breathtaking that I almost miss the words that come next. “I want to fight and fumble and figure out exactly how we can fit together. I want us to learn what life can be like with the three of us. Yes, I’m stepping into your dynamic with Cal, but I’m also creating one with you, with him, all of us. I’m not the only one who will need to adjust. But I think we can do it. I hope we can.”
Matty lets out a shuttering breath and forces his stance straighter. “I don’t want time to figure myself out; I want to figure it out with you.”
25
MATTY
There'sa couple of cabins on the property that Miya rented out for the family, and as we settle into ours at the end of the day, there's still an unresolved tension hanging around.
Elias never responded to my declaration—his mother had come to steal him away—and I can't help but feel like there's a rejection waiting for me.
I know how hard it can be to let go of your ghosts; mine are still hanging over my shoulder whispering how they were right all along, and I keep batting them away, but if Elias turns me down, they might latch on again.
The cabins are decently sized with a little kitchen nook right off the entrance, a couch near the center with an electric fireplace, a bathroom to the left, and on the right a ladder to the loft with a queen sized bed. We haven’t talked about sleeping arrangements, but when Cal starts giving his tired scream at only ten o’clock, Elias ushers him up the latter and pulls the little curtains closed behind them.
After a couple of minutes of fussing and fighting, the noise from the loft settles down, and another twenty minutesor so later, Elias comes out looking like he lost a fight with an elephant.
“I think the wedding may have been a little too much for him.”
Elias is still in his dress shirt and pants, but the shirt is no longer tucked in and a couple of buttons have popped open. His blond and teal hair is mused all over the place, and he closes his eyes on a rumbled groan as I drag my fingers through it.
I stripped down the moment that I was alone, so when Elias reaches for me he’s met with bare skin. Hands stroke along my back while he presses his face into my neck.
“I’m so tired,” he mumbles. “Let’s go to bed.”
Unsure what he’s asking for, I bite my lip and wrap my arms around him in return. We haven’t slept together in over a week, and I don’t just mean sex—we haven’t shared a bed either.
