Page 20 of Roleplay at Randy's
“Was it serious?”
“Very.” I swallow down the rush of emotion making my throat constrict. “It’s been three years, and I haven’t dated anyone since him.”
“Do you still have feelings for him?”
I must be reading him wrong, projecting my own out of place desires, because I swear I can almost hear a hint of jealousy.
“No,” I say, probably for the first time out loud. “No, I put those feelings to rest a long time ago.”
He pushes a breath past his parted lips, and finally those brown, imploring eyes come back to mine.
“Why don’t you date?”
I shrug. “Partially because I’m picky. Riley and I did a number on each other; I had a lot of time to figure out how I did and didn’t want to be treated in a relationship.”
His brows draw in tight. “Did he hurt you?”
“No, not like that.” I sigh and rest my weight back against the door. “I don’t really want to talk about it if that’s okay.”
“Right. I’m sorry.” He looks off to the side, shifting his weight as he gnaws on his lip. “Can I ask one more thing?”
Why does he have to look like a little lost puppy?
“I’ll allow it.”
His lips twitch a fraction, but he holds back the full smile. “What’s the other reason? That you don’t date.”
Because if I open my heart, it will leap at the chance to fall in love again, and I’m not sure I can come back from the wreckage this time.
“Simple,” I say through the crack in my voice. “I don’t want my heart broken again.”
As much as I like the idea of love, or that falling for Elias would be so damn easy if I let myself, I’m not convinced it’s something I can have.
Not because of some cosmic barrier or universe getting in my way, but because of me. Because there’s so many obstacles to loving me fully; I’m not sure anyone can clear them all.
“Matty.” He says my name all warm and caring, and I can’t take the energy zapping between us anymore.
I put my back to him, dropping my forehead to the door to collect myself from the threat of falling apart all because a guy is exceptionally nice to me.
“Thanks for taking me home,” I say, pushing the door open and signaling to myself that the time for little indulgences is over.
I’m fully prepared to slink inside and shut the door before he can find any other way to keep me talking—and shit, I feel like I could talk to him for an eternity—but I’m only half inside when a putrid smell makes me stumble back.
Ah, shit. The refrigerator.
The thing barely works as it is, but lately it’s been leaking like a motherfucker, so unless I need something stored there, I keep it unplugged. My floor is already a breeding ground for mold.
I quickly run in and unplug the damn thing, and surely enough the carpet in the kitchen now smells decidedly like a dead animal.
Add it to the list of things my landlord won’t give a shit about, and I’ll spend hours scrubbing and spraying the place down with anything to cover the stink.
“This is where you live?”
Elias’ voice startles me hard enough that I run my hip into the corner of the little wooden storage unit I use for my dishes.
I forgot he was still here.
“Shit. Uh, yeah.” I look around at the state of disarray. It’s a pretty basic studio, and relatively empty despite how long I’ve been here. The bed is a mess because I never bother to make it, and there’s dirty clothes strewn across the floor—but I wasn’t expecting company, so can he really blame me? “I don’t usually entertain guests.”
