Page 1 of Roleplay at Randy's
1
MATTY
Years ago,I was in love with a man who gave me what I so desperately needed.
Acceptance.
Affirmation.
For the first time in my life, I had a safety net. A place to seek asylum from a world that threatened to tear me to pieces.
But first loves rarely ever last. Like any young love story, we fell apart.
Before meeting him, I’d built a new life for myself. One as far away from the last train wreck as I could manage.
Then, one day, deep blue eyes found mine, and I finally broke the surface of the sea of misery I’d been swimming in. An anchor to my time of transition. Becoming me without the input of people who didn’t care enough to understand.
Sitting across from Riley in that diner gave closure to a wound I’d patched with pillows and duct tape. There’s a bond stronger than blood, a love beyond a simple romantic connection.
We saw each other in a time no one else can ever touch, but we grew apart from our desire for one another.
Riley Easton moved on.
But me? Life has started and stalled, relationships fizzle before I can lay the groundwork.
I don’t miss Riley the way I should a former lover.
I miss connection beyond sex.
My body convulses, but there’s no relief. Dread and something icky like a sludge seeps into my veins, and I drop the vibrator like it’s a branding iron.
The whimper that leaves my throat is real, but not for the reasons I’m sure the strangers on the other side of the screen will think.
I used to love a good masturbation session, but all they do anymore is make me feel fucking sad.
I lay on the bed with an arm tossed over my face, breathing through the heaviness settling in my chest. Once the sudden hit of dysphoria wears off, I rise onto my knees and half-crawl half-drag myself to the end of the bed where my tripod sits.
With a lopsided smile, I wave and hit the little, red, stop recording button, faceplanting onto the sheet as all of my energy evaporates.
This is stupid. I should have just taken some pictures and called it a day.
But I haven’t uploaded a video in a while, and some of my subscribers have started voicing their discontent.
Not that videos are explicitly promised—it’s my own damn subscription site—but they always wrack me up a little extra cash in the virtual tip jar.
It would be better if I had someone in bed with me; I’ve had countless offers and requests, but I’m so fucking tired of casual sex.
This will do good enough. With a little bit of editing.
I don’t bother cleaning up or getting dressed, just throw a towel down on the chair at my desk and plop into it. At least editing is an easy, mind-numb activity.
Adjust lighting. Cut out awkward pauses.
“Oh god. Oh god. Riley. Fuck.”
Dammit.
It’s an easy audio clip to cut out. To replace it with a series of grunts and moans from other parts of the video.
