Page 73 of Phantom Faceoff
That’s a pretty straightforward way to describe it, I guess.
“Jules?” I don’t make him move, but I do tug lightly on his curls and meet those pretty, green eyes. “I thought you were okay with what happened?”
“I was! I am.” His hands slip under my shirt to dig into the skin of my back, and though it stings, I don’t fight it. “I’m not okay with pretending that it didn’t happen.”
Is that what he thinks I’m doing? Oh no.
“It’s not you, love,” I say with a sigh that I feel deep in my bones. “I don’t want to pretend it didn’t happen. I guess I’ve just needed some time to … process.”
“Well, process faster!” His words are muffled by my shirt, and I bring my fingers to his hair to gently massage his scalp.
“Is this about the kiss?”
Julian had been overwhelmed—emotionally, sensory—and he’d needed to be grounded. He’d needed his tether, and in that moment our mouths had been the most accessible option.
It was sweet. Calming.
I vaguely recall the taste of Zander’s sweat on his tongue.
Julian had initiated—it hadn’t occurred to me that it could be bothering him.
“No.” He shoves away, lips pursed. “Yes.” His eyes narrow into a glare, but he honestly just looks like a frustrated child. “That’s why I need you to get your head out of your ass andhelp me.”
I’ve never heard Julian whine like this. Never had him be this level of demanding.
“Hey now. You don’t have to be mean.” I bring my hands to his cheeks and watch the anger fizzle out until he drops his weight on me and pushes his face into my neck. “We should have talked about it right away. I’m sorry.”
Julian’s hands curl into my shirt, and with some minor adjustments, I manage to pull him into my lap, arms locked tight around him.
“I didn’t know how to bring it up,” he mumbles, then goes quiet again.
We sit there in the silence of each other’s company until Julian heaves a heavy sigh. “It’s not like we haven’t kissed before.”
His words are slow, throat a parched rasp.
He’s right, though it’s been years since we were each other’s firsts.
“Jules,” I say, hugging him to me. “I care about you.”
He half chuckles and half snorts. “I care about you too, dork. I know that hasn’t changed.”
I twist him a bit to make looking down at his face easier. “Hasn’t it? It’s been changing ever since …”
A sadness fills his eyes before he closes them. “The Little thing.”
“It’s not a bad thing,” I say. “I’m just realizing Idocare about you a little differently. I feel more protective. Connected.”
At the roll of his eyes, I pinch his cheek. “I might actually be a little sad when you don’t need me to be your Daddy anymore.”
“I think you’ll have your hands full with Zander.”
I’m mildly relieved to hear the teasing note in his voice; I’ve been half convinced I ruined something between the three of us.
“We’re not talking about Zander right now; We’re talking about us.”
Julian hums, and it vibrates against my chest. “I love you like you’re my best friend,” he says. “When I was lying on the bed with Zander, half in and out of Little space, I felt like I was floating and drowning at the same time. Zander is a sweet, attentive lover, but I needed …”
He snakes his arms around my neck. “I needed you, Daddy. Not sexually, but emotionally. I needed our connection.”
