Page 63 of Cherry Picking
How our coming out turned into a celebration is beyond me, but everyone’s laughter and smiles settles something inside me.
The nonchalance.
The happiness.
I could have had this.
Wecould have had this long before now.
But I held Griff back because I was afraid.
Of what?
I’ve spent so long in the damn closet I don’t even know anymore.
Someone flops onto the couch beside me, and I’m greeted by the neck of a beer held out to me and Hawks’ lopsided smile.
“You know that boy is going to be insufferable, right?”
I take the bottle and tip the liquid to my lips. “Which one?”
Hawks chuckles and looks around at the chaos that is our team. “Both.”
Which is one hundred percent true. Rory has always brought out Griffin’s more playful, carefree side, and I can’t help but wonder—watching him now—if I’ve been suppressing it?
If the burden of our secret has been dampening his spark, his happiness?
“You don’t look like someone enjoying their coming out experience.”
I drop my head back on the couch and sigh. “I’m notnotenjoying it. I’m just a little …”
“Underwhelmed?”
“Something like that.” Half of the beer is gone before Hawks slips it from my fingers and places it on the coffee table.
“Spill, Riley. What’s really bothering you?”
I hold my breath a few beats, then let it out.
“Two years we kept this a secret. Hiding and holding hands under tables. Sneaking off in dirty hallways to make out. Two years of finding out how our pieces fit together. And now …”
“Now?”
I reach over to knock back the last of the beer which—Jesus—is a horrible idea, and I nearly cough the frothy shit up, but it dulls the pounding in my head.
“Now it feels like something is missing.”
Not just missing, but broken.
I can’t put my finger on it, and all the swimming thoughts aren’t helping.
“I think, just maybe …” Hawks slaps both hands on my shoulders. “You’re spiraling. Panicking. Happens when your world flips on its head.”
I suppose he’s right. This is new territory. A journey to new, fruitful land without a map to guide me.
“You know,Evan, you’ve been awfully chill about this whole thing.”
“Was I supposed to be angry? Shocked? You’re my friend. Besides, I saw the toll your last relationship took.”
