Page 69 of Under The Twilight Rainfall
I swipe my thumb over my lip when I pull off, grinding down on his lap to see his eyes flutter.
“This really the hill you wanna die on? When I’m here ready and willing to be fucked? Offering this to you all the time?”
His fingers dig into my thighs, eyes half lidded as I rock on his dick.
“No sex until we settle this.”
He says that, but he looks like he could lose his resolve with a gentle nudge. The uncertainty creeps in, the one that always leads to the need to run, to escape.
We both take a moment to catch our breath, to realign with a moment that’s so much heavier than one we should be having in a sex haze.
“Dex,” Valen calls my name when the silence seems to take on a life of its own. “I don’t ever want to be the thing that holds you back. Photography is your life. In every form it takes. I wouldn’t ask you to give that up. And could you honestly tell me you’d be happy without it?”
Not having my camera would be like not having my lens to the world. It’s how I connect, how I express, how I process the things I want from the things I can’t have.
“I’ve never cared enough about someone to put my heart out there.” I press both of my hands to his chest. “I care about you. Enough to stay.”
Valen folds his hands over mine. “I love you enough that you don’t have to. You can travel all over the world. Take pictures of and with all the sexy men you want. What I need—the only thing I need—is for you to come home to me when you’re done.”
I open my mouth, not entirely sure what words will come out, but Valen shakes his head.
“I want your heart to stay, but at the core, Dex, you’ll always be free. You keep mine and I’ll keep yours. That way, at the end of the day, we always have a piece of our home with us.”
It starts to sink in slowly, the ramifications of all the decisions I’ve made. I was the one who said I wouldn’t change who I am for anyone, who said Valen and I were doomed because there’s no way he or anyone could accept the lifestyle I’ve built for myself.
I thought if I could bring him with me, then we could both get what we want. I didn’t even consider asking Valen how he’d want to play this.
“I want you,” I say slowly. “But what if it isn’t enough for you? Knowing that I do and that I care but me never being here. I lose track of time. I don’t remember to call or check in. I make spur of the moment plans. What if I’m too much and not enough at the same time?”
Valen sinks his hands into my hair, tugging with just the right amount of pressure for me to melt into him when he pulls me close, our foreheads resting together.
“You, Dex, will never not be enough. For the rest of it? We talk. We find what works for us. And maybe I can take some trips with you. I just can’t commit to that right now. But I want you, too. So bad. I’ve never wanted anything more.”
With us this close, I can see that the man who has seemed so put together and strong for as long as I’ve known him has fear dancing inside the little flecks of green in his brown eyes.
“What if I fuck it up again? What if I run?”
Valen pulls me to him for a chaste kiss, our lips just barely touching, and I don’t imagine the tremor that runs through him as his hold on me tightens.
“I’ll chase you this time. If you run, I’ll come for you. If you fuck up, I’ll forgive you. That’s what love is,mahal ko.”
It’s coursing through me, screaming in my veins and in my head, and I can’t hold back the desperation as I kiss him like it’s the first and last time rolled into one. I want him breathless. I want him hot and bothered and horny. I want to cement the feeling in my blood with this man’s cum.
We all have our vices, and sex as an emotional expression is mine.
“We can work out the kinks later. Yes, I want to be with you. I won’t quit photography or be all selfless to stay with you while you’re healing—“ Valen rolls his eyes and nips my lip. “Fucker. Yes, I’ll be a good boy and communicate because I love you. Now will you fuck me?”
Valen’s lips stop moving against mine, and I wonder if I’ve already done something wrong, but then he strokes a hand down my back to grip my ass—which has me arching and pressing my hard-on to his stomach—and then he swats my thigh, leaving a gentle sting.
“Alright, big boy, that’s enough begging.” His laughter is deep with arousal, but his eyes are kind and shine with appreciation. “Hold on to the back of the couch and sit your ass on my dick. This is gonna be a workout.”
It feels like a beginning and an end, and even though I’m scared, there’s no sadness or apprehension.
This. This is where I fit. With Valen Olaño.
My home.
Dex’sflightisateight fifteen. That’s less than twelve hours away.
